the progress so far...

getting the hang of using le mouse

wondering whether i've started living my life

wondering why friendster is so SLOOOOOW

happy with my pro-minimalist photoshop skills

click-happy pretend photographer with not enough things to photograph

sound-trippin' like there's no tomorrow

pure Jars Of Clay for today

maybe it's time to inject some Jamiroquai

les photographies

ponderings..

I was told I should be learning to live with whatever ailment that was bestowed on me.

Eh? Isn't that what I've been doing?

I haven't been paranoid about this and whatever stress I feel is not caused by worrying over what ails me.

Moreso it is caused by having to do what I don't want to do and forcing myself to go through that as part of my daily routine.

The word routine in itself brings forth stress.

I've listened to Joseph Prince the whole morning talk about Grace&Favour. DVDs courtesy of Hillsong TV. And other than the grace and favour which is undeserved merit from God, he did talk about faith and also not making God an excuse a la 'way out'.

Totally driving me nuts. I need more guidance. Perhaps a big whack should come with it. Any shrink volunteers?

the supposedly new and updated to-do list

oh no, i'm getting hungry again!

it's 10 something pm and if anything, i should be going to bed.

though i did sleep the whole darn afternoon

(right after lunch til a good half an hour before dinner).

currently downloading gazillion of fonts as i've never updated the font library in my laptop. i think back and regret that i never brought my font library from home 5 years ago.

the then font-savvy PC is now in some dumpster (read: storage at home).

on with the long overdue list...

1.

read a book - check!

Tale of Genji by Lady Murasaki

horrible translation to English, too bad i cannot read Japanese. perhaps the culprit as to why i slept so much today

+++

finished the book and well, planning to send it off to someone who'll appreciate it more.

it's still good. just that i don't see myself rereading it.

2.

call doc's office tolock in August 07 appoitment - oops!

that's right, you gotta book in waaay in advance!

+++

tried booking the appointment yday and guess what? i was told to call in January!

3.

get rid of PC rubbish

+++

pretty much done, except for the rubbish that's in the external hard drive!

4.

install fonts - wonder how this will be done considering there are gazillions and they're all zipped up!

+++

yay! done!

5.

improve photoshop skills

thank goodness for tutorials online!

6.

catch up on DVDs

heaps of Hillsong stuff (freebies)

old VCDs (yes, VCDs I bought in HK during the VCD heyday!)

misc DVDs from friends

7.

'manage' my finances

more like check my bank account to see if i can survive for the rest of the year.

8.

learn after effects

9.

get on with the article editing

10.

eat. NOW! - done

weekend recap

i currently feel like a kid with no agenda whatsoever. the kid on summer holidays who can sleep any time she pleases and wake up when her eyes decide they've been shut for too long.

got back from the hospital around midday post radiotherapy. whilst i had one of the longest, most boring weekend ever, it ain't as bad as last year's treatment. felt less isolated due to the fact that the hospital staff would actually come in to bring me food and such. no stool by the door and you actually feel cared for. i got choices of food and best of all i didn't have to shell out a single cent.

i am, however, presently confined in my room and will not be able to work until the very end of next week. unpaid leave. fortunately, i cannot go out so there's hardly any temptation to make any purchase, big or small. except i've been looking at the lomographic fisheye two camera online...

met up with fiona for lunch last thursday. was good to see her after coming back from that little asian getaway tour she went on. passed me some meltykiss from mummy ratna! after work, it was coffee with bella from the JPM HK office.

used to work with her but never really got to know her until i was about to leave. nice gal. she's probably a bit younger than me (i feel so old due to stress and radiotherapies). kinda felt bad that i didn't get to take her around but oh well. kinda hoping they'd send her back so we can eat out and go to the weekend markets. she was in tokyo prior to sydney and she gave me all these japanese goodies! they're all gone now cos I've munched on them whilst i give my pc some much-needed attention! they're so yummy!

i'm missing out on a lot in the real world. i'm not worried, though. just stating the facts. more concerned over what i should be doing whilst i hide away from the world.

photo blogs...

The Wish List (in no particular order)

Mum's the word? I'd agree to that for now.

As I went past the tree-lined path near where the bamboos are, I felt something heavy-ish land on my head.

I put my hand on top of my just-washed hair, praying it's not something a little bird might have dropped post birdy breakfast.

I breathed a sigh of relief realizing it must have been one of those red flowers that have been detaching itself from the trees.

Lovely flowers they are, scattered along the paths and making you feel like a princess walking on rose petals.


Sorting through all emotions. Glad mum's back. At least we got the cooking and the house stuff taken care of for the most part. And the brother-nagging's going to be significantly reduced.

Almost time for another year-end inventory of sorts. The stress will never go away. Yes, I'm acknowledging the fact that I am stressed. Not sure whether I've been for the last 5 years but right now, I definitely am.

Major cause of stress, still unknown but part and parcel of which might be the following: 'shrink'-less existence, unfulfillment in selected areas, frustration over lack of time for 'worthwhile' activities and some uncontrollable factors - the latter I deem not worth batting an eyelash for, and ignorance on extreme emotion management.

With business-lik demeanor, all of the above should be addressed within 2007.

Off for two days and maybe a bit more... sans the world wide web, sans the computer, sans make-up, avec much needed rest, submission and just some sort of chill out where hopefully I won't have to feel strongly about ANYTHING.

CHILL-OUT...

Woo do you think you are?

Supposedly cruisy but a tad emotional weekend. Skipped the Friday night haps, decided to come back home to catch up on a little bit of film fest work and some shut-eye, enough to sustain me for the following day.

French class was fun. Had a little party during the break where people really outdid themselves - drip coffee maker, french presses, croissants, brioches, baguettes, fruit platter and punnets of strawberries, jams, cheese platter with red wine (in the morning!).

Lunch was rather frustrating due to my diet. Plan A was fruit salad, which we can hardly find, believe it or not. So I went for an undressed garden salad, asked for honey and lemon and then towards the last bite, I noticed that they've put some shredded cheese in the salad, which I cannot really eat.

Hung out at Starbucks to get my buddy to teach me some francais which he's way better at than moi, then hurried home to get changed and went to Manly. Minie's Farewell. Hope it won't be the last we'll see of her!

Met up with the gang at the wharf, headed to the beach for some photos, had dinner in what seemed like broad daylight (it's summer, it's daylight saving time). I had the most expensive, plainest steak ever.

Off to Candy's Cafe afterwards and played Monopoly - The Las Vegas Edition over tea and cakes (which I cannot eat so I only had 2 pots of green tea). A weird after-dinner activity but hey, we're getting old and not running of creative ideas! I love the Las Vegas dice! If I can buy a dozen of those, I will! Very retro.

Here forth are les photos!



Slept at 12am, woke up 5-ish the next morning. I didn't really sleep from caffeine OD but managed to rock up at the airport 7-ish to see Minie head from her airline queue towards the food court queue.

Was silly (and jumpy) the whole morning from lack of sleep and with the caffeine still kicking in. The problem is, I cannot really tell when the caffeine will kick in in general so I cannot rely on such probability to say coffee keeps me awake and all that. I just love coffee so what the heck.

Expecting to see Minie in December for her graduation. Fingers-crossed. She was emotional and I was not perhaps due to my silly state of well-being.

Grabbed Starbucks at the airport. Had decaf. Went to Gloria Jeans in Town Hall to say hi to Rosie and kill time prior to church.

Home time after church. Went to the gym, walked a bit and got some DVDs and groceries.

Went to see Revolutions last night at the Opera House. The last bit was the best. Contemporary ballet. Really cool costumes and set.

Off to Excel training today. Little holiday from work! Yay! Then three work days left.

Watched a few of the DVDs I borrowed Sunday night. French ones. I love film. And oh, I wish I am related to John Woo.

Happy Friday, everyone!

I used to be the Powerpoint Queen. Back in the days when we thrived on those little floppy disks with the little data capacity to match, they were pretty useless as one can never contain an entire presentation. If only we had CDs or USB drives back then.

Another all-nighter last night. 1:00am is not too bad, especially when I started working on it at 9pm. Take note, my loyal companion (read: PC) is kinda old and sluggish.

Thank goodness Jono layed out the presentation and all, I just had to pick some music, lay-out the soundtrack and tweak the timings a bit to match the beat (or lack thereof).It was good fun. Ended up in a massive audio file of 6 something MB for a total duration of 50 seconds. Maybe even less.

clock out time: 7:00pm. seriously!

Joy called me this morning for a chat and she was asking if I am sick. Cos I sounded DRUNK. I was groggy and that was it.

I had to run off for a high-sugar cup of coffee. No milk or soy, just your three shots of espresso topped up with hot water. Err... let's not forget the Hazelnut syrup.

Lunch was a mere 'eat-while-you-work' affair. I managed to sneak out for 20 minutes for a bit of sunshine, which was great. It's one of those days when it's a bit chilly but then the sun is quite intense. It is as if you get a choice between hot and chilly. :)

Work was pretty hectic today. My plan to go to the gym is officially canned, muchless my plan to get more forty winks but still get to French class in time tomorrow morning. I've got some work to do and I have to eat dinner. Thank goodness I didn't have to cook!

I am seriously tired. Yesterday was horrible, but today's better. Much much better. 4 days of work next week, 1 day of training (Tuesday!), ballet at the Opera House (at 25-year old rate) Monday night.. ahhh it's gonna be a short week! :D

That Sunday, Mum comes and then I've got 2 days-off work. :D

dislike for dissonance

clock out time: 5:30pm

i was home 6-ish, had some lindt 85% chocolat noir and pondered whether i should go to the gym. maybe later, i thought, and proceeded to devour the saltless leftovers which consisted of the pasta from two nights ago and the minced beef with asparagus, which i cooked last night and which i had rice with for lunch.

washed down my dinner with some goji juice, washed up, and decided to 'relax' for whatever the word means. decided to ditch the gym. ok, postpone gym time to friday night. no night out for moi. besides, i need to learn a bit of french and 'relax' some more.

soaked my feet, downloaded the presentation Dan sent the team (volunteer work) and pushed away the thought of having done zilch for Friday's End of Year Party promo except download a retro tv graphic.

i cannot get myself to do any more work for the day. i am tired and drained as it is. inspired? not at all. i cannot even look forward to my upcoming days off as i might have to go on unpaid leave. not that i mind not being paid for going in but i feel slack. but then again, who cares. seriously. i have to convince myself that this is merely a way to get by. five years later, it's going to be a footnote to a footnote.

whether or not i will get to go on holidays come feb 07, may 07 and sept 07 is way out of the question for the time being. these are rather highlights to my year. and my bro came home today asking why i look sad. because i am, because i am. i cannot even hide it anymore.

priorities, priorities.maybe it's time for some shut-eye.

Swing,Mood,Swing

i should be sleeping.
i am tired.
my eyes are tired.

am i not almost blind?

blind from staring at computer screens.
blind from trying to reconcile all those numbers.
blind from the tubes of mascara that i try to consume.

i retire into the night to a more peaceful state.
post-whinging to friends from the old days.
post saltless but sugary dinner.
post six, no, seven bags of green tea.

thank goodness for expressive, encouraging producers.
thank goodness for empowering sermons.
thank goodness for true friends, true loves, dreams and blogs.

darned two weeks or so...

pardon me while i get ultra emotional, uber irrational and hot-tempered.

it's all bottled up. i'll vent out time and time again via different channels.

dang this diet. dang all the things i have to do.

i wish i can zone out until the whole darned thing's over. better yet, until 2006 is over.

weird-weathered town

I have finally finished drafting two appraisal forms for work. My supervisor goes on holiday next week. Fingers-crossed it won't be busy.

The big fan of days-off that I am, I've bailed out of two weekend activities and have decided to catch up on more forty winks. My head is heavy or light from sleeping a tad over the threshold. I cannot even decide.

I have just realised, from reading a Sophia Coppola article, that I have seen all of her movies (Virgin Suicides and Lost in Translation). Looking forward to her version of Marie Antoinette, which has a contemporary take. Dang, it's not showing til 26 December. I'd go for a 9am movie if that should be the case!

* Still set on winning that Oscar*

wish me luck

At 9:15am, I was just walking into work. I should have been there at 8:30am. But today, I woke up at 8:00am due to having gone to bed at 3-ish. The previous night it was a 2am bedtime.

Been editing a video clip. Time of my life. Started playing around with After Effects and then Premiere.

Been thinking about 2006, pretty much racking my brain for those significant turn of events. Come to think of it, I've met so many new people, those types that tend to stick by. Little windows have opened into media, too and perhaps a more realistic look at 'travelling'.

01nov06 pig-out: