49 minutes and counting...

I remember the latter part of 2005 when I wished its 2006. I was looking forward to a fresh new start.

Currently wishing I am some place else, where I could immerse in the festivities and help welcome my long awaited 2006 with the biggest bang I can manage.

This time that the whole world is partying hard, I sit home and blog. It is also one of the hottest new year's eve in Australian history.

2006 should be a good year. No sarcasm intended.

you ROCK my world

Title's context totally different from how Jacko meant it to be.

The Sydney summer heat is perhaps at its pinnacle. Tempers are flaring up at the same sort of range. It gets so bloody ridiculous how the human race chooses to deal with such natural occurence. I normally try to grip harder on where I stand and keep that nonchalant stare. It takes a while to really not care. Between caring and not caring in such circumstances, I'd rather be the numbest creature in the planet. Perhaps numb is not the term. I still value sensitivity.

Longing for a getaway of some sort. My only reward would be getting to sit in an airconditioned, computer-equipped spot and getting paid for that. My mind gets to wander off but have to have eyes on my back lest someone does some sort of a peekaboo trick on me.

Longing to really wander off, perhaps do something productive. Fullfillingly productive, that is.

whatever happened to dashboard diva...

Sick-ass me.
Ugh.

Right now, I'm actually reminded of the UniLodge, where I first stayed when I moved to syds. It's probably the heat cos that hole was a hole with hardly any vents. Everyone's asleep now and I'm just taking time sorting out my thoughts and clearing my system of toxins.

Went to see Narnia. Na's made me read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I made it sound like a bad thing but it's actually good. I'm happy to have read it. I forgot to bring my glasses to the cinemas but still I loved the movie. Very faithful to the book. I guess you can't run really far from the book if it's just about an inch thick. The emotional me practically shed tears when the lion was stabbed.

I worked three hours today. A good fraction of that time was spent browsing through the net. I was looking up hyperthyroidism. Made me wonder whether that has something to do with me being emotional. I'm supposed to be stressed and anxious, too. Not quite the case.

Please don't let me be paranoid.

photo-trippin'

Picking on Amanda whilst she plays mummy and fills up the gas tank... the kids (me included) waited in the car and hoped mummy would get them ice cream from the gas station store...

... we didn't get ice cream. Perhaps we were barking on the wrong tree.

Pre-christmas bleeps!

Last day of work prior to chrissy. There’s two days left. I am so glad Christmas day falls on a Sunday this year. At least I won’t have to go to work. Rocked up late to work due to a doctor’s appointment, had a 2-hour long lunch with the whole team and a few extras, and then continued on “working” for a couple of hours before calling it a week.

Lunch was at Glenmore Hotel at the Rocks. The rooftop beer garden had fab views. I had calamari with a side of salad, but it was more like an order of salad with a side of calamari. We had Secret Santa. My Secret Santa which ain’t so secret got me the numero uno album in Australia: Human Nature’s latest, which is a cover of select Motown Hits.

I honestly gave Human Nature more credit than they deserve, hence I am so disappointed. The album’s a bit on the cheesy side, and they totally murdered a good number of Motown Hits, including Jackson 5’s I Wank You Back. I wonder what Jacko has to say about this.

Was meant to have coffee with a friend who was on the verge of tears due to recent happenings, and also go to the movies with another friend just cos we both ended up having nothing to do on a Friday night and also cos we have to do some catching up before he flies to North Carolina and be MIA for a full 12 months!

Friend number one decided he’s fine and perhaps thought he was hassling me to meet up and have coffee with him, but seriously, I’ll take any (almost) excuse to go hang out with my friends! I had to cancel with friend number two as I feel bad leaving mom at home the whole night. Dad and bro comes Sunday (yay! Can’t wait!) so next week mom won’t ever be alone.

I’ve never been so emotional over Christmas. It’s usually such a hyped up season. This year’s just gone the other way. Perhaps cos a lot of my friends have gone overseas. Some have actually come to Sydney from overseas but that just doesn’t make up for the fact that a good many have left, although it could have. Sigh.

Thank goodness for xanga.com and meebo.com.

Starrybuck Chrissy Dinner @ Casey's

Despite my tired state (I now know it was due to the overage of thyroid hormones in my bod), I still managed to drag myself to the dinner. Most of us was tired. It was still nice to get together with my ex-work mates. And I really have to say Casey outdid himself with all the food. I think next year should be a more organized one. Nobody did kris kringle or what have ya. This one was rather so last minute, but then again it was good as it is.

treading murky waters

The subject line connotes more of a question rather than a statement. I have caught myself reflecting about my almost four years in Sydney. I was 21 when I first came here. So many things have happened. I have changed more or less.

Now (or those years that led to now) is that crucial time of one's life where one ought to figure out where one wants to be in the long term. I reckon the less time you waste bumming around, the better. So at least do something that would result to a tick or an X-mark on your To Do List/s.

The question is one of those end-of-year posers, more like a quick reality check to make sure my feet are more or less grounded. Four years ago, I thought I was lost and I needed to find myself, my true identity. Four years after that, I'd say I am not quite there yet. Perhaps still a bit lost, perhaps starting to find an edge to cling on.

+++++

It is another transitional stage. A few more goodbyes have been said. For some, the demise is just to head off to some place they gotta be in for the holidays but for others, the departure is more or less permanent.

I thought somewhere along the way I've grown immune to those goodbyes.

+++++

Church hunting. Soul searching.

Annointing service 2006 is on.

2005 revelations:
I am where I ought to be.
--- I got my permanent residency this year.
I will be doing what I (love) am meant to be doing.
--- I got to do all 4 cameras in church, including the rocking stage camera! YEAHHH! And my writing career has taken a turn.DOUBLE YEAHHH!!!

whisk me off to some lala land.

Natasha weds Saurabh. 15 December 2005.
(photos courtesy of S. Buppapirak)

What a happy day! Despite the accumulated 2 hours wait, the day was all worthwhile, including the effort each person puts in making time for the occasion and getting ready to look their very best. Not to mention show up on time to celebrate the union of our favorite Nepalese couple.

The ceremony was rather long and winding, but filled with tradition. We sat there restless for 2 hours, but the richness of the Nepalese culture was pretty much worth the while.

Indian food was served due to the scarcity of Nepalese caterers in Sydney. However, they were fabulous and so was the ala-Bollywood entertainment during the reception. Afterwards, everyone was so game doing the Bollywood moves (except for us shy non-Nepalese). It was a fun night.

When boredom sets in…

Friday. Sadness reached its climactic peak. For some vague reasons, I dwelled on the emotions one could not help but feel when saying goodbye. I know a lot of people who dread goodbyes but I was never quite like that. I am normally not like that, especially when the person leaving is not even part of my A-list.

Saturday. The feeling dragged on for weirder, vaguer reasons. Looking back through the week, I was prepping myself for such as I find myself counting down to the weekend and what the weekend will inevitably bring. That night, I was slowly brought back to what I shall plainly call ‘reality’.

Sunday. The urge to reconnect and “make a big fuss out of saying goodbye” has significantly diminished. Forgetting most of what the week has brought by, I reconnected, but with people I’ve known from my first year as a “loner in Sydney”. It was good. Good is indeed an understatement. But I shall say no more.

Monday. A bear, most likely from the who I had to say goodbye to, found sitting on my computer. Dang!

da flow.

I crave that boho-hippie sorta life. The slightly obsessive-compulsive type. For almost four years I have pretty much lived however I please, only subject to slight rulings and, of course, the manner as to how I was brought up.

One good thing about diarizing your day-to-days is that you can always go back to seemingly memorable events and then analyze, re-analyze and over-analyze…. I have frequently revisited the beginning of the year, attempting to gauge how far I’ve gone, and perhaps figure out where I should be heading…

What one desires to do versus what one ought to do.
If those things are one and the same, there is no dissonance. Where those things are of opposing nature, there is major conflict. I am on the verge of facing one of those.

neck in tingling pain. mom in town. family business needing an extra set of family hands. brother’s visa pending. closed mindset. overprotected. craving for room. for freedom. for direction. for room to grow, to roam free, to be me, to flourish, to extend, to stretch, to do the unthinkable, the seemingly unreachable, to go far and wide, to cross oceans and mountains and borders and skies….

I am in the midst of lost souls, faithlessness, complacency, paranoia, doubt, fear, anguish. Perhaps that is normal.
Perhaps that is what the world is about.
I feel for all these people.
It does not mean I am not one of them.
It does not mean I am forever going to be one of them.

starting-to-sizzle summer

If faced with the option of having to choose between summer and winter, I cannot quite tell which one I'd go for. Don't most people wish it's summer when it's winter and then wish it's winter when it's summer?

The temperature's been inching up each day. I seriously have to go get meself some more work clothes. The heat does get to me, not so much because I am particularly moody but because my system just can't take it. ;) Whatever, hey?

For the most part of my existence as of late, I've been missing weekdays out in the sun, doing whatever and then sitting back at the end of the day and letting my mind run free and then rule the page. A normal day rather involves trips to the kitchen when work-friends seem to head that way or when my stomach tells me to, trips to the loo when nature calls and then pretending to be absorbed in some seemingly business-related whatevers. Tiring.

Where has my brain gone? Perhaps the drain. Oh no.

Last Saturday was somewhat a fullfillment of the prophesy that I'd be 'doing what I want to do.' One of the producers on TV made me operate on the stage(hand held) camera which is by far one of the most difficult cameras. It was tough because I could not quite carry the camera with ease and also because I had to be on stage. It was great. The experience, I meant.