I remember the latter part of 2005 when I wished its 2006. I was looking forward to a fresh new start.
Currently wishing I am some place else, where I could immerse in the festivities and help welcome my long awaited 2006 with the biggest bang I can manage.
This time that the whole world is partying hard, I sit home and blog. It is also one of the hottest new year's eve in Australian history.
2006 should be a good year. No sarcasm intended.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
you ROCK my world
Title's context totally different from how Jacko meant it to be.
The Sydney summer heat is perhaps at its pinnacle. Tempers are flaring up at the same sort of range. It gets so bloody ridiculous how the human race chooses to deal with such natural occurence. I normally try to grip harder on where I stand and keep that nonchalant stare. It takes a while to really not care. Between caring and not caring in such circumstances, I'd rather be the numbest creature in the planet. Perhaps numb is not the term. I still value sensitivity.
Longing for a getaway of some sort. My only reward would be getting to sit in an airconditioned, computer-equipped spot and getting paid for that. My mind gets to wander off but have to have eyes on my back lest someone does some sort of a peekaboo trick on me.
Longing to really wander off, perhaps do something productive. Fullfillingly productive, that is.
The Sydney summer heat is perhaps at its pinnacle. Tempers are flaring up at the same sort of range. It gets so bloody ridiculous how the human race chooses to deal with such natural occurence. I normally try to grip harder on where I stand and keep that nonchalant stare. It takes a while to really not care. Between caring and not caring in such circumstances, I'd rather be the numbest creature in the planet. Perhaps numb is not the term. I still value sensitivity.
Longing for a getaway of some sort. My only reward would be getting to sit in an airconditioned, computer-equipped spot and getting paid for that. My mind gets to wander off but have to have eyes on my back lest someone does some sort of a peekaboo trick on me.
Longing to really wander off, perhaps do something productive. Fullfillingly productive, that is.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
whatever happened to dashboard diva...
Sick-ass me.
Ugh.
Right now, I'm actually reminded of the UniLodge, where I first stayed when I moved to syds. It's probably the heat cos that hole was a hole with hardly any vents. Everyone's asleep now and I'm just taking time sorting out my thoughts and clearing my system of toxins.
Went to see Narnia. Na's made me read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I made it sound like a bad thing but it's actually good. I'm happy to have read it. I forgot to bring my glasses to the cinemas but still I loved the movie. Very faithful to the book. I guess you can't run really far from the book if it's just about an inch thick. The emotional me practically shed tears when the lion was stabbed.
I worked three hours today. A good fraction of that time was spent browsing through the net. I was looking up hyperthyroidism. Made me wonder whether that has something to do with me being emotional. I'm supposed to be stressed and anxious, too. Not quite the case.
Please don't let me be paranoid.
Ugh.
Right now, I'm actually reminded of the UniLodge, where I first stayed when I moved to syds. It's probably the heat cos that hole was a hole with hardly any vents. Everyone's asleep now and I'm just taking time sorting out my thoughts and clearing my system of toxins.
Went to see Narnia. Na's made me read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I made it sound like a bad thing but it's actually good. I'm happy to have read it. I forgot to bring my glasses to the cinemas but still I loved the movie. Very faithful to the book. I guess you can't run really far from the book if it's just about an inch thick. The emotional me practically shed tears when the lion was stabbed.
I worked three hours today. A good fraction of that time was spent browsing through the net. I was looking up hyperthyroidism. Made me wonder whether that has something to do with me being emotional. I'm supposed to be stressed and anxious, too. Not quite the case.
Please don't let me be paranoid.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
photo-trippin'
Picking on Amanda whilst she plays mummy and fills up the gas tank... the kids (me included) waited in the car and hoped mummy would get them ice cream from the gas station store...
... we didn't get ice cream. Perhaps we were barking on the wrong tree.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Pre-christmas bleeps!
Last day of work prior to chrissy. There’s two days left. I am so glad Christmas day falls on a Sunday this year. At least I won’t have to go to work. Rocked up late to work due to a doctor’s appointment, had a 2-hour long lunch with the whole team and a few extras, and then continued on “working” for a couple of hours before calling it a week.
Lunch was at Glenmore Hotel at the Rocks. The rooftop beer garden had fab views. I had calamari with a side of salad, but it was more like an order of salad with a side of calamari. We had Secret Santa. My Secret Santa which ain’t so secret got me the numero uno album in Australia: Human Nature’s latest, which is a cover of select Motown Hits.
I honestly gave Human Nature more credit than they deserve, hence I am so disappointed. The album’s a bit on the cheesy side, and they totally murdered a good number of Motown Hits, including Jackson 5’s I Wank You Back. I wonder what Jacko has to say about this.
Was meant to have coffee with a friend who was on the verge of tears due to recent happenings, and also go to the movies with another friend just cos we both ended up having nothing to do on a Friday night and also cos we have to do some catching up before he flies to North Carolina and be MIA for a full 12 months!
Friend number one decided he’s fine and perhaps thought he was hassling me to meet up and have coffee with him, but seriously, I’ll take any (almost) excuse to go hang out with my friends! I had to cancel with friend number two as I feel bad leaving mom at home the whole night. Dad and bro comes Sunday (yay! Can’t wait!) so next week mom won’t ever be alone.
I’ve never been so emotional over Christmas. It’s usually such a hyped up season. This year’s just gone the other way. Perhaps cos a lot of my friends have gone overseas. Some have actually come to Sydney from overseas but that just doesn’t make up for the fact that a good many have left, although it could have. Sigh.
Thank goodness for xanga.com and meebo.com.
Starrybuck Chrissy Dinner @ Casey's
Despite my tired state (I now know it was due to the overage of thyroid hormones in my bod), I still managed to drag myself to the dinner. Most of us was tired. It was still nice to get together with my ex-work mates. And I really have to say Casey outdid himself with all the food. I think next year should be a more organized one. Nobody did kris kringle or what have ya. This one was rather so last minute, but then again it was good as it is.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
treading murky waters
The subject line connotes more of a question rather than a statement. I have caught myself reflecting about my almost four years in Sydney. I was 21 when I first came here. So many things have happened. I have changed more or less.
Now (or those years that led to now) is that crucial time of one's life where one ought to figure out where one wants to be in the long term. I reckon the less time you waste bumming around, the better. So at least do something that would result to a tick or an X-mark on your To Do List/s.
The question is one of those end-of-year posers, more like a quick reality check to make sure my feet are more or less grounded. Four years ago, I thought I was lost and I needed to find myself, my true identity. Four years after that, I'd say I am not quite there yet. Perhaps still a bit lost, perhaps starting to find an edge to cling on.
+++++
It is another transitional stage. A few more goodbyes have been said. For some, the demise is just to head off to some place they gotta be in for the holidays but for others, the departure is more or less permanent.
I thought somewhere along the way I've grown immune to those goodbyes.
+++++
Church hunting. Soul searching.
Annointing service 2006 is on.
2005 revelations:
I am where I ought to be.
--- I got my permanent residency this year.
I will be doing what I (love) am meant to be doing.
--- I got to do all 4 cameras in church, including the rocking stage camera! YEAHHH! And my writing career has taken a turn.DOUBLE YEAHHH!!!
Now (or those years that led to now) is that crucial time of one's life where one ought to figure out where one wants to be in the long term. I reckon the less time you waste bumming around, the better. So at least do something that would result to a tick or an X-mark on your To Do List/s.
The question is one of those end-of-year posers, more like a quick reality check to make sure my feet are more or less grounded. Four years ago, I thought I was lost and I needed to find myself, my true identity. Four years after that, I'd say I am not quite there yet. Perhaps still a bit lost, perhaps starting to find an edge to cling on.
+++++
It is another transitional stage. A few more goodbyes have been said. For some, the demise is just to head off to some place they gotta be in for the holidays but for others, the departure is more or less permanent.
I thought somewhere along the way I've grown immune to those goodbyes.
+++++
Church hunting. Soul searching.
Annointing service 2006 is on.
2005 revelations:
I am where I ought to be.
--- I got my permanent residency this year.
I will be doing what I (love) am meant to be doing.
--- I got to do all 4 cameras in church, including the rocking stage camera! YEAHHH! And my writing career has taken a turn.DOUBLE YEAHHH!!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
whisk me off to some lala land.
Natasha weds Saurabh. 15 December 2005.
(photos courtesy of S. Buppapirak)
What a happy day! Despite the accumulated 2 hours wait, the day was all worthwhile, including the effort each person puts in making time for the occasion and getting ready to look their very best. Not to mention show up on time to celebrate the union of our favorite Nepalese couple.
The ceremony was rather long and winding, but filled with tradition. We sat there restless for 2 hours, but the richness of the Nepalese culture was pretty much worth the while.
Indian food was served due to the scarcity of Nepalese caterers in Sydney. However, they were fabulous and so was the ala-Bollywood entertainment during the reception. Afterwards, everyone was so game doing the Bollywood moves (except for us shy non-Nepalese). It was a fun night.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
When boredom sets in…
Friday. Sadness reached its climactic peak. For some vague reasons, I dwelled on the emotions one could not help but feel when saying goodbye. I know a lot of people who dread goodbyes but I was never quite like that. I am normally not like that, especially when the person leaving is not even part of my A-list.
Saturday. The feeling dragged on for weirder, vaguer reasons. Looking back through the week, I was prepping myself for such as I find myself counting down to the weekend and what the weekend will inevitably bring. That night, I was slowly brought back to what I shall plainly call ‘reality’.
Sunday. The urge to reconnect and “make a big fuss out of saying goodbye” has significantly diminished. Forgetting most of what the week has brought by, I reconnected, but with people I’ve known from my first year as a “loner in Sydney”. It was good. Good is indeed an understatement. But I shall say no more.
Monday. A bear, most likely from the who I had to say goodbye to, found sitting on my computer. Dang!
Saturday. The feeling dragged on for weirder, vaguer reasons. Looking back through the week, I was prepping myself for such as I find myself counting down to the weekend and what the weekend will inevitably bring. That night, I was slowly brought back to what I shall plainly call ‘reality’.
Sunday. The urge to reconnect and “make a big fuss out of saying goodbye” has significantly diminished. Forgetting most of what the week has brought by, I reconnected, but with people I’ve known from my first year as a “loner in Sydney”. It was good. Good is indeed an understatement. But I shall say no more.
Monday. A bear, most likely from the who I had to say goodbye to, found sitting on my computer. Dang!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
da flow.
I crave that boho-hippie sorta life. The slightly obsessive-compulsive type. For almost four years I have pretty much lived however I please, only subject to slight rulings and, of course, the manner as to how I was brought up.
One good thing about diarizing your day-to-days is that you can always go back to seemingly memorable events and then analyze, re-analyze and over-analyze…. I have frequently revisited the beginning of the year, attempting to gauge how far I’ve gone, and perhaps figure out where I should be heading…
What one desires to do versus what one ought to do.
If those things are one and the same, there is no dissonance. Where those things are of opposing nature, there is major conflict. I am on the verge of facing one of those.
neck in tingling pain. mom in town. family business needing an extra set of family hands. brother’s visa pending. closed mindset. overprotected. craving for room. for freedom. for direction. for room to grow, to roam free, to be me, to flourish, to extend, to stretch, to do the unthinkable, the seemingly unreachable, to go far and wide, to cross oceans and mountains and borders and skies….
I am in the midst of lost souls, faithlessness, complacency, paranoia, doubt, fear, anguish. Perhaps that is normal.
Perhaps that is what the world is about.
I feel for all these people.
It does not mean I am not one of them.
It does not mean I am forever going to be one of them.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
starting-to-sizzle summer
If faced with the option of having to choose between summer and winter, I cannot quite tell which one I'd go for. Don't most people wish it's summer when it's winter and then wish it's winter when it's summer?
The temperature's been inching up each day. I seriously have to go get meself some more work clothes. The heat does get to me, not so much because I am particularly moody but because my system just can't take it. ;) Whatever, hey?
For the most part of my existence as of late, I've been missing weekdays out in the sun, doing whatever and then sitting back at the end of the day and letting my mind run free and then rule the page. A normal day rather involves trips to the kitchen when work-friends seem to head that way or when my stomach tells me to, trips to the loo when nature calls and then pretending to be absorbed in some seemingly business-related whatevers. Tiring.
Where has my brain gone? Perhaps the drain. Oh no.
Last Saturday was somewhat a fullfillment of the prophesy that I'd be 'doing what I want to do.' One of the producers on TV made me operate on the stage(hand held) camera which is by far one of the most difficult cameras. It was tough because I could not quite carry the camera with ease and also because I had to be on stage. It was great. The experience, I meant.
The temperature's been inching up each day. I seriously have to go get meself some more work clothes. The heat does get to me, not so much because I am particularly moody but because my system just can't take it. ;) Whatever, hey?
For the most part of my existence as of late, I've been missing weekdays out in the sun, doing whatever and then sitting back at the end of the day and letting my mind run free and then rule the page. A normal day rather involves trips to the kitchen when work-friends seem to head that way or when my stomach tells me to, trips to the loo when nature calls and then pretending to be absorbed in some seemingly business-related whatevers. Tiring.
Where has my brain gone? Perhaps the drain. Oh no.
Last Saturday was somewhat a fullfillment of the prophesy that I'd be 'doing what I want to do.' One of the producers on TV made me operate on the stage(hand held) camera which is by far one of the most difficult cameras. It was tough because I could not quite carry the camera with ease and also because I had to be on stage. It was great. The experience, I meant.
Monday, November 28, 2005
the quick once-over.
been back in syds a bit over a week now. sorta back on track, kinda finding a different grounding. perhaps things are falling back into some mundane routinary activities that provide boredom, if boredom ca be considered a provision.
back on the tv track. i was before the massive strange camera that had a mind of its own. i struggled so much to control the beast and alas i managed to keep the subject in view 99.9% of the time, however, couldn't fully control the beast to administer smooth movements.
the child of the beast was better and then i accidentally let my vocal cords (and my sense of hearing as well as my commonsense) slip that i spoke to 1/3 of the congregation and caused some sort of commotion. i made people notice me, look at me and laugh WITH me. it was funny and embarrassing to a certain degree. but no big deal.
i still love cinematogrphy. hold that thought. i have to use the rest room.
back on the tv track. i was before the massive strange camera that had a mind of its own. i struggled so much to control the beast and alas i managed to keep the subject in view 99.9% of the time, however, couldn't fully control the beast to administer smooth movements.
the child of the beast was better and then i accidentally let my vocal cords (and my sense of hearing as well as my commonsense) slip that i spoke to 1/3 of the congregation and caused some sort of commotion. i made people notice me, look at me and laugh WITH me. it was funny and embarrassing to a certain degree. but no big deal.
i still love cinematogrphy. hold that thought. i have to use the rest room.
Monday, November 21, 2005
how surreal, how surreal - back in syds!
Yay I'm back in Sydney. Don't get me wrong, I had a fab time in Filo land. It was actually difficult to leave. I just didn't let it get to me as life must go on and I have work and all that to get back to.
I've never been away from Sydney this long and so now I'm still in lala land state, that dreamy feeling when you go overseas after being in one country for an extended period. I never seem to get that when I go to the Phils from here though. Weird weird.
Went to Wesley last night with mom. Savoured one of Gordon Moyes' last few sermons. He talked about knowing our heritage to be able to know our destiny. Our heritage is that we are a pilgrim people. We live by faith though we don't really know where we are to stay. But then we keep travelling until we reach where we are destined to be. I love sermons of faith because you just get that affirmation you need that keeps you going, that keeps your faith growing.
Work was good today. Spent the whole day checking emails and sneaking out with my colleage so we can have a bit of a chat (gossip time). So many little changes but I still love my team.
I've never been away from Sydney this long and so now I'm still in lala land state, that dreamy feeling when you go overseas after being in one country for an extended period. I never seem to get that when I go to the Phils from here though. Weird weird.
Went to Wesley last night with mom. Savoured one of Gordon Moyes' last few sermons. He talked about knowing our heritage to be able to know our destiny. Our heritage is that we are a pilgrim people. We live by faith though we don't really know where we are to stay. But then we keep travelling until we reach where we are destined to be. I love sermons of faith because you just get that affirmation you need that keeps you going, that keeps your faith growing.
Work was good today. Spent the whole day checking emails and sneaking out with my colleage so we can have a bit of a chat (gossip time). So many little changes but I still love my team.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Tribute to Thanksgiving
I love the whole concept of Thanksgiving Day. I wish we have that everywhere. I was actually hoping to be in Houston by Thanksgiving this year. If I did make it there, even my grandparents will be around. I'd be counting lots of blessings then and just enjoying the turkey, however they decide to serve it. But at that state, I think I'd be happy even with just veges and water.
I do have a lot of things to be grateful for. A lot of these things are those that I have in the past 25 years would most often than not take for granted. Relatives play a huge part of our lives in this part of Asia and I have never until this point realized how much love they tend to express even amidst stern poker faces.
I also find it amazing to be able to ring up friends that I have not seen since my high school graduation and then find the same old friendship lying underneath. As if no one is affected by time, as if nobody moved. That goes for a huge chunk of my friends. I have after all been gone for about 4 years and I do not even call all these people. It is amazing when you discover people really deserve to be called friends when they seemed to be mere acquaintances.
Crazy Thought: Maybe radioactive iodine is ecstasy in another form.
I do have a lot of things to be grateful for. A lot of these things are those that I have in the past 25 years would most often than not take for granted. Relatives play a huge part of our lives in this part of Asia and I have never until this point realized how much love they tend to express even amidst stern poker faces.
I also find it amazing to be able to ring up friends that I have not seen since my high school graduation and then find the same old friendship lying underneath. As if no one is affected by time, as if nobody moved. That goes for a huge chunk of my friends. I have after all been gone for about 4 years and I do not even call all these people. It is amazing when you discover people really deserve to be called friends when they seemed to be mere acquaintances.
Crazy Thought: Maybe radioactive iodine is ecstasy in another form.
ADoPTaTION
It is one of those thoughts that would naturally enter my mind whenever 'sponsor a child' comes up, which is quite often where I tread in Sydney.
Mom recently went to see the dentist in the building where we grew up, which is also the gossip hub for not-so-discrete reasons. They told my mom that my childhood playmate's baby sister, currently 16 y.o., has recently given birth to a baby girl. Baby's dad ditched the teenage girl.
It is a sad fact. I pity the girl and I have to say I have no clue as to how the family treated the issue. They were never conventional to begin with so maybe for all we know, everyone's just cool about it. Being 'cool about it' just ain't a popular mindset where we are.
There was the urge to go visit but then there is a tinge of hesitance as my childhood friend and I have gone our separate ways about 15 years ago, not to mention that from the looks of things, we do not pave along the similar roads, and chances are, we might belong to entirely different societal tribes.
I am pro-adoption, however. I believe in reaching out to kids, perhaps along the Nicole Richie - Lionel Richie line. It will be good for my parents, too should they employ such tactic as my brother will be heading overseas soon and then there will just be mom and dad left with the maid (who'd have less things to do - as if she had a lot to do to begin with).
I know for a fact that my mom would be keen on a baby girl. I once asked her why she wants to adopt and she commented on how she only has two kids. After all, she had 8 sisters and 4 brothers. If all pregnancies go well, she would probably have about seven other siblings, for all I know.
On the one hand I am glad I only have one younger sibling. If I were the second child, I probably would not mind having a few more little siblings. Being the eldest is just going to be such a burden should I be deemed responsible over the actions and mis-actions of those younger than me. Believe me, I used to complain heaps about that and I only have one younger brother! Maybe God knows I would not be able to cope with many young kiddies.
This time, I reckon if my parents did take a kid in, she'll be like the eldest, in a way, as me and my bro will be MIA for who knows how long. If ever we come home, they would be breezy visits where we would probably be spoiling the kid. All that in tow, maybe she will be spoiled rotten.
Or maybe my mom would shower all her time on her that she would turn out exactly how mom wanted her daughter to turn out. Perhaps more like her, less like me. Not that I am sorry I turned out this way.
However I am, at this point in time, is pretty much influenced by a lot of little choices I had consciously made, intending to reach certain mini goals. Not exactly mom's ideal, but I was afterall on a quest to find my individuality.
On the other hand, the whole adopt-a-baby-girl project seems more like an expermiment of sorts. Perhaps it would lead to a better understanding of my psyche and that of my family. Something I have long been curious about and was tapped on as I started to dig my paws into some General Psychology. No regrets, no reproaches, just pure analysis and that mirror-in-front-of-me type of exercise. No dissonance there so far.
I am afterall passionate about a lot of the things involved.
Mom recently went to see the dentist in the building where we grew up, which is also the gossip hub for not-so-discrete reasons. They told my mom that my childhood playmate's baby sister, currently 16 y.o., has recently given birth to a baby girl. Baby's dad ditched the teenage girl.
It is a sad fact. I pity the girl and I have to say I have no clue as to how the family treated the issue. They were never conventional to begin with so maybe for all we know, everyone's just cool about it. Being 'cool about it' just ain't a popular mindset where we are.
There was the urge to go visit but then there is a tinge of hesitance as my childhood friend and I have gone our separate ways about 15 years ago, not to mention that from the looks of things, we do not pave along the similar roads, and chances are, we might belong to entirely different societal tribes.
I am pro-adoption, however. I believe in reaching out to kids, perhaps along the Nicole Richie - Lionel Richie line. It will be good for my parents, too should they employ such tactic as my brother will be heading overseas soon and then there will just be mom and dad left with the maid (who'd have less things to do - as if she had a lot to do to begin with).
I know for a fact that my mom would be keen on a baby girl. I once asked her why she wants to adopt and she commented on how she only has two kids. After all, she had 8 sisters and 4 brothers. If all pregnancies go well, she would probably have about seven other siblings, for all I know.
On the one hand I am glad I only have one younger sibling. If I were the second child, I probably would not mind having a few more little siblings. Being the eldest is just going to be such a burden should I be deemed responsible over the actions and mis-actions of those younger than me. Believe me, I used to complain heaps about that and I only have one younger brother! Maybe God knows I would not be able to cope with many young kiddies.
This time, I reckon if my parents did take a kid in, she'll be like the eldest, in a way, as me and my bro will be MIA for who knows how long. If ever we come home, they would be breezy visits where we would probably be spoiling the kid. All that in tow, maybe she will be spoiled rotten.
Or maybe my mom would shower all her time on her that she would turn out exactly how mom wanted her daughter to turn out. Perhaps more like her, less like me. Not that I am sorry I turned out this way.
However I am, at this point in time, is pretty much influenced by a lot of little choices I had consciously made, intending to reach certain mini goals. Not exactly mom's ideal, but I was afterall on a quest to find my individuality.
On the other hand, the whole adopt-a-baby-girl project seems more like an expermiment of sorts. Perhaps it would lead to a better understanding of my psyche and that of my family. Something I have long been curious about and was tapped on as I started to dig my paws into some General Psychology. No regrets, no reproaches, just pure analysis and that mirror-in-front-of-me type of exercise. No dissonance there so far.
I am afterall passionate about a lot of the things involved.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Starbucks AGAIN!?!
>>> cup counting <<<
Had two cups of Starbucks yesterday. One before lunch and a decaf after dinner. I couldn’t sleep last night. I was too jumpy, even tried to get online and perhaps blog just to tire myself but the ding-a-dang-a-ding-a-ling of a dial-up connection I have just isn’t willing to let me enter cyberspace. I was even looking forward to maybe chatting with my Bostonian-for-now flatmate.
Perhaps Starbucks should not be taking the blame. I know my coffee and decaf is definitely decaf, unless they did a big boo boo and did not do decaf. You cannot really taste the difference. I could not, unless you know the decaf beans are old and battered as is the case in Wynyard, then decaf’s really gonna taste weird.
>>> Narlyn’s birthday lunch <<<
Yesterday was my first day out so I was like a kid let out in the sun after a whole week of begging to be let out. Headed to church, was happy with whatever I pulled out of the closet, met up with Nar and headed to the mall together. It was her birthday bash of sorts and the last time I’m ever gonna see her on this leg of my one-legged trip.
We did a few rounds of window shopping (we did grab some stuff from Body Shop, she got a pair of earrings which looked fab on her and I got a belt). Had a chat over a cuppa, went for another round then headed for lunch at the Outback.
There was six of us, three of which, I just met then. It was just great company. For some reason, there is something about meeting good friends of really close friends. You just develop a certain liking (or even loving) for them even before they open their mouths. In this particular group, it is also the air around them. I just got that good vibe from them.
Outback used to be my fave not because it’s aussie but it used to be excellent. Yesterday was a bit disappointing. It could be me as my perception of food has gone a but haywire. I have to go to Ripples when I fly back to Syds to verify that. But the brownie fudge thang that we got for the birthday girl was magnifico. Overall, company matters way more than the food.
>>> the typical Sunday stuff that I love <<<
Met up with the rest of the family after giving Narlyn a bear hug goodbye, did a quick buy, bumped into members of the extended family, had a quick chat then we were home bound. Mom had to run off to a seminar and three of us just chilled at home. Bro and I chatted vis-Ã -vis Mr. Bean which was on Disney behind closed doors.
Had dinner at a Jap place. I normally don’t do Jap and Chinese when I’m home as I have too much Jap in Syds and I’ve had too much Chinese my entire life and was opting for Spanish but everyone else preferred Jap over Spanish. I let them have it. Starbucks thereafter. I’m collecting stickers at Starbucks cos after like 21 drinks or something you get a cool planner that you cannot purchase outright! I have like 15 more stickers to collect!
I’ve scheduled to meet up with my college friends on Tuesday. My mom said yes and kinda left things for me and my bro to figure out so I was ecstatic! I guess everything put together just made me so hyper.
>>> end notes <<<
I am starting to wonder whether the radiation stuff did something to me. My mood’s been soaring since Friday. It’s just weird. In a good way, of course.
WOW Factor: Bram Cohen’s wizardry (of Bit Torrent fame) and scanned Amazing Spiderman Comics!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
more random thoughts...
I cannot believe I own a size 18 shirt! That’s more than double my size! I’ve probably had that shirt for more than 10 years and I’ve forgotten about it’s existence pretty much halfway through. Mom’s dug it up the other day, finding what else I can wear that I’ve left (and didn’t really want) when I went to Sydney. I’ve started to wonder how on earth I’ve pulled the look. A big fashion faux pas. As I wear it with my pyjamas, it looked like a very loose shirt dress, no shape whatsoever. It is way too long for it’s width though. I can never understand how they made this shirt. I remember owning another one of the same brand, which I believe was better fitting. It kinda grew wide after each washing but was a bit short. See what I mean?
I’m not a big fan of Charles Darwin, in fact I’d rather pretend he did not exist. But I cannot deny the fact that I love the word “evolution”. It signifies a process of grandeur change. I’ve started to embrace change over the past years, however hard it is and evolution is just the word that contains the positivism in change as well as the capacity of one to adapt to the change. Perhaps what it connotes it is not always something good but there are just words that seem to scream positivism to me. When people tell me I am crazy, I take it as a compliment. I know other people who react similarly and I love them people! I guess we’re just the ones who see the glass as half full.
My water colours finally came yesterday. They came in the form of two kiddie water colour packs. I used to have more professional ones when I was in high school. Or maybe that was sixth grade. I cannot really remember. But the colours, though of limited quantity, were of amazing quality, the brushes were fab and oh, I just loved them. But anyway, I was still happy because I’m simply picking up where I left off, not like I’m ‘maestro pintor’ of some sort.
The brushes I now have, I can hardly use as they were overly stiff. Try running the brush through your skin and you will definitely get scratches. I tried digging up for my old nice ones but I think I’ve shipped them over to Sydney, where I hardly paint so I had to settle for Chinese calligraphy brushes and a not so good one but better than the new ones brush.
I painted my afternoon away and whilst I used to hinge on the abstract and graffiti styles, I tried to paint pictures reminiscent of some Van Gogh paintings I’ve come across in the past. Perhaps Van Gogh did them when he was two. In comparison, mine looked like an embryo’s attempt at painting. I enjoyed it nonetheless and almost used up the 15 peso water colour. I still have one more set of colours to devour and a week to do some more artwork.
I have just been looking through things I have written in the past, most of which are blogs and I’ve read an entry around January where I’ve said that my life will definitely take a turn this year. I guess it has been around several little corners. This down time has been good and it ain’t over yet. Still have a week to go. I have the going-back-to-work jitters which I should ignore and will ignore.
I’m not a big fan of Charles Darwin, in fact I’d rather pretend he did not exist. But I cannot deny the fact that I love the word “evolution”. It signifies a process of grandeur change. I’ve started to embrace change over the past years, however hard it is and evolution is just the word that contains the positivism in change as well as the capacity of one to adapt to the change. Perhaps what it connotes it is not always something good but there are just words that seem to scream positivism to me. When people tell me I am crazy, I take it as a compliment. I know other people who react similarly and I love them people! I guess we’re just the ones who see the glass as half full.
My water colours finally came yesterday. They came in the form of two kiddie water colour packs. I used to have more professional ones when I was in high school. Or maybe that was sixth grade. I cannot really remember. But the colours, though of limited quantity, were of amazing quality, the brushes were fab and oh, I just loved them. But anyway, I was still happy because I’m simply picking up where I left off, not like I’m ‘maestro pintor’ of some sort.
The brushes I now have, I can hardly use as they were overly stiff. Try running the brush through your skin and you will definitely get scratches. I tried digging up for my old nice ones but I think I’ve shipped them over to Sydney, where I hardly paint so I had to settle for Chinese calligraphy brushes and a not so good one but better than the new ones brush.
I painted my afternoon away and whilst I used to hinge on the abstract and graffiti styles, I tried to paint pictures reminiscent of some Van Gogh paintings I’ve come across in the past. Perhaps Van Gogh did them when he was two. In comparison, mine looked like an embryo’s attempt at painting. I enjoyed it nonetheless and almost used up the 15 peso water colour. I still have one more set of colours to devour and a week to do some more artwork.
I have just been looking through things I have written in the past, most of which are blogs and I’ve read an entry around January where I’ve said that my life will definitely take a turn this year. I guess it has been around several little corners. This down time has been good and it ain’t over yet. Still have a week to go. I have the going-back-to-work jitters which I should ignore and will ignore.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Post-Retreat Reflections, or whatever it’s called!
>>> back track <<<
I’ve finally been released from prison! Okay, I do exaggerate a lot but what happened was I had to go through radiation therapy and be in isolation until say a week after I take the capsule as radioactive waves ain’t good for anyone else. Stayed in the ever so lurvely hospital room for three full days plus a bit, watching telly, reading, trying to come up with articles for FLOOD, talking on the phone and basically just trying to keep myself from going berserk. I guess I was lucky I can see a bit of sunshine but I didn’t actually open the windows until the final day. I don’t wanna be spreading some sorta virus everywhere (e.g. trying not to be selfish, but then again, maybe I’m just lazy).
>>> hospital lag <<<
So now I’m at home. Was meant to be released around midday but the body scan I was scheduled for got postponed to the arvo as someone had to be scanned ASAP. The scan took about 40 minutes. I was afraid it’s gonna be one of those tunnels that you have to go into and would cover you from head to just past your waist. Good thing it ain’t that. There was just a huge square camera that they try to adjust as close to your body as possible and then use it to scan the entire subject from feet up.
I saw the camera box inching up ever so slowly until it almost reaches my head. It was adjusted so low that I wonder whether my nose would hit the camera. I know I have too big a foot size for someone my height and I had to wonder about the height of my feet lying down versus the distance between the tip of my nose from the bed. I closed my eyes hoping someone is really monitoring me. The plastic hanging across the camera scanner was hitting my nose. It took forever and I did feel like a certain orange-yellow bear with a bee that decided to ‘hang out’ on its nose.
One of the nuclear folks took my pillow away, asked me to hold my chin a tad higher, adjusted the camera up a bit and told me not to move for approximately 10 minutes. Man, that felt like an eternity! And for some reason, the bee was still on Pooh’s nose. I was just glad they had the radio on so I can sing along in my head or whatever. I was in that position for about 15 minutes, assuming each song is less than 4 minutes long.
And then they had to tilt the camera about 50 degrees. I was confronted with the scanner thingamajig’s technical info as they flashed these red digits on the built-in LCDs. Another 15 minutes. The computer inside makes a beep beep sound akin to Microsoft Windows alerting you that your computer ain’t got enough memory to proceed with whatever you want it to to. They tilted the camera at 45 degrees, then same thing.
>>> flutter of thoughts <<<
Perhaps the hardest thing is not trying to think of how to spend the 40 minutes or so that I was lying stiff, it is the lying stiff part. Too many thoughts have run through my head and I felt the need for a foot spa. I thought about how high maintenance I’ve become. Maybe I’ve watched too much Queer Eye for the Straight Guy/Girl, read too much Vogue, Marie Claire, Bazaar and Rush. Straight guys, apparently are meant to have pedicures every month or so. I’ve never even had a single one and I’m a girl. Perhaps those gay men are trying to make metros out of straight dudes. Come to think of it, it’s nicer when everyone’s rather polished and all but then they cost so much. Not everyone gets given a celebrity’s pay check. Some people can’t even afford food.
I think my getting old just makes me conscious. Or I’m really deteriorating. Perhaps I worked too many coffee shop shifts that I just haven’t really chilled out and mellowed down just yet. Maybe I’m just vain but then maybe I do have that right being a girl because a lot of guys are much vainer.
>>> the so-called reflections <<<
I’ve had time to think my lifestyle through. The down time’s really good. Just what I needed to whack off my old timetable and start anew. I’ve managed to grow up from Starbucks, though realizing I still love Starbucks after going to the one in my district here in Manila. The Aussie ones are so different. Good and bad bits here and there.
Anyway, the constant things so far are my full time job and my volunteer work. I’ve got a cleaner slate now, more time for other things and this time I vow making things a bit more worth my while and aim things more towards my goals.
Now comes the serious parts: my goals. I’ve come to realize that cinematography is something I really love and it’s not fair to me, much more to my Creator to just shoo it away just because it is mainly a guy’s turf. So what? I have about a week to come up with an action plan. Sigh. I have no concrete idea as of this time except go to that film school in London… I wish…
And then there’s the writing part. I know I’m not the greatest. I’m not even great to begin with. I just have a certain knack, which a lot of people also have. Not very special, really… except… amongst all the things I can do, this is what I can do to a decent extent and what the heck, might as well pursue it. As to how… hmmm… still finalizing plans. I have my roughest drafts, which ain’t so bad at all.
So much things to do, so little time? Maybe not. After all, people win Oscars when they’re in their 60s.
>>> back to ‘reality’ reality <<<
Oh yeah, I’m still kinda isolated although in my own abode. I was spending a bit of outdoorsy time in the living room balcony a while back and I thought of shooting some downtown Manila aerial views but gee I couldn’t find my camera!!! It’s really in my parents’ room but I got told off when I tried to look for it there. Cos I might contaminate things! I probably already have. Oh well.
I’ve finally been released from prison! Okay, I do exaggerate a lot but what happened was I had to go through radiation therapy and be in isolation until say a week after I take the capsule as radioactive waves ain’t good for anyone else. Stayed in the ever so lurvely hospital room for three full days plus a bit, watching telly, reading, trying to come up with articles for FLOOD, talking on the phone and basically just trying to keep myself from going berserk. I guess I was lucky I can see a bit of sunshine but I didn’t actually open the windows until the final day. I don’t wanna be spreading some sorta virus everywhere (e.g. trying not to be selfish, but then again, maybe I’m just lazy).
>>> hospital lag <<<
So now I’m at home. Was meant to be released around midday but the body scan I was scheduled for got postponed to the arvo as someone had to be scanned ASAP. The scan took about 40 minutes. I was afraid it’s gonna be one of those tunnels that you have to go into and would cover you from head to just past your waist. Good thing it ain’t that. There was just a huge square camera that they try to adjust as close to your body as possible and then use it to scan the entire subject from feet up.
I saw the camera box inching up ever so slowly until it almost reaches my head. It was adjusted so low that I wonder whether my nose would hit the camera. I know I have too big a foot size for someone my height and I had to wonder about the height of my feet lying down versus the distance between the tip of my nose from the bed. I closed my eyes hoping someone is really monitoring me. The plastic hanging across the camera scanner was hitting my nose. It took forever and I did feel like a certain orange-yellow bear with a bee that decided to ‘hang out’ on its nose.
One of the nuclear folks took my pillow away, asked me to hold my chin a tad higher, adjusted the camera up a bit and told me not to move for approximately 10 minutes. Man, that felt like an eternity! And for some reason, the bee was still on Pooh’s nose. I was just glad they had the radio on so I can sing along in my head or whatever. I was in that position for about 15 minutes, assuming each song is less than 4 minutes long.
And then they had to tilt the camera about 50 degrees. I was confronted with the scanner thingamajig’s technical info as they flashed these red digits on the built-in LCDs. Another 15 minutes. The computer inside makes a beep beep sound akin to Microsoft Windows alerting you that your computer ain’t got enough memory to proceed with whatever you want it to to. They tilted the camera at 45 degrees, then same thing.
>>> flutter of thoughts <<<
Perhaps the hardest thing is not trying to think of how to spend the 40 minutes or so that I was lying stiff, it is the lying stiff part. Too many thoughts have run through my head and I felt the need for a foot spa. I thought about how high maintenance I’ve become. Maybe I’ve watched too much Queer Eye for the Straight Guy/Girl, read too much Vogue, Marie Claire, Bazaar and Rush. Straight guys, apparently are meant to have pedicures every month or so. I’ve never even had a single one and I’m a girl. Perhaps those gay men are trying to make metros out of straight dudes. Come to think of it, it’s nicer when everyone’s rather polished and all but then they cost so much. Not everyone gets given a celebrity’s pay check. Some people can’t even afford food.
I think my getting old just makes me conscious. Or I’m really deteriorating. Perhaps I worked too many coffee shop shifts that I just haven’t really chilled out and mellowed down just yet. Maybe I’m just vain but then maybe I do have that right being a girl because a lot of guys are much vainer.
>>> the so-called reflections <<<
I’ve had time to think my lifestyle through. The down time’s really good. Just what I needed to whack off my old timetable and start anew. I’ve managed to grow up from Starbucks, though realizing I still love Starbucks after going to the one in my district here in Manila. The Aussie ones are so different. Good and bad bits here and there.
Anyway, the constant things so far are my full time job and my volunteer work. I’ve got a cleaner slate now, more time for other things and this time I vow making things a bit more worth my while and aim things more towards my goals.
Now comes the serious parts: my goals. I’ve come to realize that cinematography is something I really love and it’s not fair to me, much more to my Creator to just shoo it away just because it is mainly a guy’s turf. So what? I have about a week to come up with an action plan. Sigh. I have no concrete idea as of this time except go to that film school in London… I wish…
And then there’s the writing part. I know I’m not the greatest. I’m not even great to begin with. I just have a certain knack, which a lot of people also have. Not very special, really… except… amongst all the things I can do, this is what I can do to a decent extent and what the heck, might as well pursue it. As to how… hmmm… still finalizing plans. I have my roughest drafts, which ain’t so bad at all.
So much things to do, so little time? Maybe not. After all, people win Oscars when they’re in their 60s.
>>> back to ‘reality’ reality <<<
Oh yeah, I’m still kinda isolated although in my own abode. I was spending a bit of outdoorsy time in the living room balcony a while back and I thought of shooting some downtown Manila aerial views but gee I couldn’t find my camera!!! It’s really in my parents’ room but I got told off when I tried to look for it there. Cos I might contaminate things! I probably already have. Oh well.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
The November Deal
Okay, about 18 days to go until it's fly fly time to Sydney. Still haven't accomplished much. Still no water colours. Have plans on actually putting word-thoughts into tangible existence for the increased tangibility of "The Mag" but hey where's Nezzie?
Had been on so-very-informal meetings with Josc, fairly a toy around with ideas and well a few things have made the cut. It's really just a matter of expanding thoughts, mixing in a few logical ideas and translating everything so others can benefit from the fruits of our labour. It's good to be on the same time zone. But yeah Nezzie's still in hiatus.
Oh we've found our webmaster, too but we haven't got the materials yet so she's still idle until further notice. And we haven't figured out a way to compensate her, since we're poor and all. Poor is already stretching it. We've got NOTHING.
*lunch time*
Had been on so-very-informal meetings with Josc, fairly a toy around with ideas and well a few things have made the cut. It's really just a matter of expanding thoughts, mixing in a few logical ideas and translating everything so others can benefit from the fruits of our labour. It's good to be on the same time zone. But yeah Nezzie's still in hiatus.
Oh we've found our webmaster, too but we haven't got the materials yet so she's still idle until further notice. And we haven't figured out a way to compensate her, since we're poor and all. Poor is already stretching it. We've got NOTHING.
*lunch time*
Thursday, October 27, 2005
msn chats, nicks and tricks
Out of my sheer boredom, I was gee whiz on the internet the whole friggin' day. Sounds like work, only seemingly aimless and more entertaining. I was screaming "WHAT DO I DO NOW?" on msn whereby Josc went "What should Ivannah do now?" and to that, Sharon responded "I don't know what Ivannah should do." Upon seeing that, I just went "I know! Let's go to New York!" Sharon changed her sign to "I want to go to New York, too!" and then we had our roughest roughest plan.
Okay, so maybe I'm getting my hopes up once again. As to why I wanted to go, I'm not really sure. Perhaps it's the flashing of lights. Anyway, I just wanted to look around. I might score a job while I'm at it and who knows what else? Har! Har! Har!
```
I have ended another era yesterday. Bombed another comfort zone. I have constantly weighed the odds and finally decided on something. It was just time and it was good for everybody. I have finally quit *GASP* Starbucks.
Flashback to 3 years and 4 months ago, I was thrilled to have gotten the job, disappointed from the reactions I've received after spreading the news and well had a rather rough month of training. I was just picked on, however, I know that wouldn't be the end of it. Figuratively, I grew up there, being picked on by all these managers just because I've never really worked before and had no clue and I was just easy to pick on. It was heaps rewarding to end up on their good side later on. And well, too much memories, experiences and the like.
It was a bed of roses with thorns scattered pretty much everywhere. You just get thick-skinned after getting used to being pricked here and there. Customer-service, after all, teaches you how to keep a cheery smiley face despite the inner urge to spit into someone's coffee, at the very minimum.
I have previously said or maybe implied that my 6 week hiatus from Sydney and all of what Sydney life has been about has made me think about shifting things around and this is just one of those. It was difficult but hey, I have to grow up and get my priorities straight.
~~~
Where's my watercolour? I've been asking my brother for days. I've resorted to asking a more reliable individual to do the deed on my behalf. Afterall, my dad did use to buy me the best colour palettes that I've ever known. He goes for quality, too not even knowing how or what or why I paint. I really should have just brought my colours over. I haven't used them for three years and that's just sad.
~~~
Relo connection! My Auntie Julie rang today looking for mom and she didn't realize that I picked up the phone, that I am still here and that I went for an op. So I had to fill her in and perhaps we'll go eat or something in a few days. I've got all these invites from people but geez, I'm seriously getting tired of asking for mom's permission to let me go just cos I get the same old answers and I get to hear her slightly raise her voice at me. After 25 years, you can sense even the slightest hint of those.... waaaaahhhh...
My pretty much long lost cuz went to Sydney. Everyone I knew knows that because I coulnd't stop talking about it. Because I as excited but I THINK when he as in Sydney I'd gone to Manila and now, I think he's come home. I bet they had fun. It was their honeymoon afterall. But sigh, he's back to being the long lost cousin.
Thus ends my internet adventures for today. Until next time here on....
The Black Dot On The White Page!
Toodalooo!
Obviously, I'm bored.
Okay, so maybe I'm getting my hopes up once again. As to why I wanted to go, I'm not really sure. Perhaps it's the flashing of lights. Anyway, I just wanted to look around. I might score a job while I'm at it and who knows what else? Har! Har! Har!
```
I have ended another era yesterday. Bombed another comfort zone. I have constantly weighed the odds and finally decided on something. It was just time and it was good for everybody. I have finally quit *GASP* Starbucks.
Flashback to 3 years and 4 months ago, I was thrilled to have gotten the job, disappointed from the reactions I've received after spreading the news and well had a rather rough month of training. I was just picked on, however, I know that wouldn't be the end of it. Figuratively, I grew up there, being picked on by all these managers just because I've never really worked before and had no clue and I was just easy to pick on. It was heaps rewarding to end up on their good side later on. And well, too much memories, experiences and the like.
It was a bed of roses with thorns scattered pretty much everywhere. You just get thick-skinned after getting used to being pricked here and there. Customer-service, after all, teaches you how to keep a cheery smiley face despite the inner urge to spit into someone's coffee, at the very minimum.
I have previously said or maybe implied that my 6 week hiatus from Sydney and all of what Sydney life has been about has made me think about shifting things around and this is just one of those. It was difficult but hey, I have to grow up and get my priorities straight.
~~~
Where's my watercolour? I've been asking my brother for days. I've resorted to asking a more reliable individual to do the deed on my behalf. Afterall, my dad did use to buy me the best colour palettes that I've ever known. He goes for quality, too not even knowing how or what or why I paint. I really should have just brought my colours over. I haven't used them for three years and that's just sad.
~~~
Relo connection! My Auntie Julie rang today looking for mom and she didn't realize that I picked up the phone, that I am still here and that I went for an op. So I had to fill her in and perhaps we'll go eat or something in a few days. I've got all these invites from people but geez, I'm seriously getting tired of asking for mom's permission to let me go just cos I get the same old answers and I get to hear her slightly raise her voice at me. After 25 years, you can sense even the slightest hint of those.... waaaaahhhh...
My pretty much long lost cuz went to Sydney. Everyone I knew knows that because I coulnd't stop talking about it. Because I as excited but I THINK when he as in Sydney I'd gone to Manila and now, I think he's come home. I bet they had fun. It was their honeymoon afterall. But sigh, he's back to being the long lost cousin.
Thus ends my internet adventures for today. Until next time here on....
The Black Dot On The White Page!
Toodalooo!
Obviously, I'm bored.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
rockin' and rockin' and rockin'...
THREE WEEKS turn out to be six. By the end of it all, I deem myself lucky to still be employed in my ever replaceable post at that big corporation. Whatever else is next is way beyond me. Besides, I am stuck in a crack, not a valley, between two mountains whereby I have yet to figure out how to get out and who knows what else.
IDLENESS is something I have subconsciously learned to loathe overtime. Whilst I still tend towards living the fast hasty life and doing everything the speedy snappy way, I try hard to inhale every second or so, taking my time in the process. I have pushed myself almost over the edge.
FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF MY QUARTER LIFE, I have been set on to set my thoughts out, sort through everything and well organize my life. I've never really gone from point A to point B. Perhaps there is no point. Perhaps I am wasting my time thinking there is a mess to be fixed. Perhaps everything just falls into place in a snow globe manner, after which, you sort out what needs to be sorted out. Perhaps there is such a thing as being overly cautious that most of the time you do miss out on the best bits of life when you try so hard to fix and not miss out on everything. It just doesn't work that way. In other words, time for Plan B.
PSYCH ME MOMENT, here it comes again. I never would have thought, not in my quarter life, that I'd get sick. Whatever was given to me a few months back seemed to dangle on the edge of a cliff. I long to hold on, I seriously do but then I thought I should just let go. Perhaps it's how we can make way for better things. And I seriously wonder if this is all a mind game. I just cannot believe it's time for one again.
IDLENESS is something I have subconsciously learned to loathe overtime. Whilst I still tend towards living the fast hasty life and doing everything the speedy snappy way, I try hard to inhale every second or so, taking my time in the process. I have pushed myself almost over the edge.
FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF MY QUARTER LIFE, I have been set on to set my thoughts out, sort through everything and well organize my life. I've never really gone from point A to point B. Perhaps there is no point. Perhaps I am wasting my time thinking there is a mess to be fixed. Perhaps everything just falls into place in a snow globe manner, after which, you sort out what needs to be sorted out. Perhaps there is such a thing as being overly cautious that most of the time you do miss out on the best bits of life when you try so hard to fix and not miss out on everything. It just doesn't work that way. In other words, time for Plan B.
PSYCH ME MOMENT, here it comes again. I never would have thought, not in my quarter life, that I'd get sick. Whatever was given to me a few months back seemed to dangle on the edge of a cliff. I long to hold on, I seriously do but then I thought I should just let go. Perhaps it's how we can make way for better things. And I seriously wonder if this is all a mind game. I just cannot believe it's time for one again.
Monday, October 17, 2005
HOLEy but UNanesthetized
Currently in a state of part limbo due to the post operational mode, which is inevitable after having to subject myself to a challenge beyond any other. While it was partly a choice, it is pretty much one of life or death, where life clearly bellows its anthem for 99 reasons out of 100.
The challenge is not the choice itself for if that was so, it would have been as easy as flicking a coin or asking one random person on the street to pull a straw out of a hat.
The first time I’ve ever heard of it, I couldn’t help shed a tear. Thereafter, things just fell into place and while my surgeon’s secretary reckons I was scared senseless, maybe because I was timid, I was not.
I had a fair share of prayers, perhaps reality brought forth many many more than I’ve ever imagined. I was surprised that right to the point where they gave me the required dose of anaesthesia, I was calm. I did wonder why and I did ponder on the whole process. I slept like a baby, just like any other night. I even dreamt and I have absolutely no recollection of what the dream was about.
The next thing I know, the surgeon’s waking me up, asking me to clear my throat and one of the doctors said I was biting my lip for the entire duration. I wish somebody had video taped the process. I didn’t even get to see my thyroid, much less the lump.
The Recovery Room period was synonymous to what I think hell would be like. However, while the latter would be fiery hot, the former was overly chilly, hence they put a light by my bed, whereby I felt like a chicken with eggs that are about to hatch. I spewed a good many times and my head felt like it was about to explode. I sincerely asked the attending staff if I could sit up. NO.
Next up, my right hand where they’ve put the dextrose has blown up like a pin cushion as the needle was knocked off the vein during the operation. I was reminded of Shallow Hall, my brother said it was like The Nutty Professor.
And that was the longest moment of my life. I think I was in recovery for a couple of hours and then I was told that I’ll be going back to my room after I’ve had my sit up attempt when the attendant was not looking. I felt a tingle of blood flow down my neck and then I slowly lied back down. I still had to wait a good 30 minutes or so as they had papers to sign and all that so-called formality. I decided to nod off the remaining minutes.
Finally they pushed the stretcher out of the Recovery Dungeon and into the hallways. I felt the tremendous Filo heat and missed the chilly air of the dungeon. Right before I reached my room, I felt a surge of vomit longing to be released from their entrapment. I made an awful sound, the pushers did not react in haste and then I decided to vomit on the side of the stretcher and let it drip down the hospital floors. Hey, I won’t ever get away with this on just any given day. Besides, I wouldn’t want to swallow used up, spoiled rotten anaesthetic.
For the next couple of days, I refused to lie down and even sleep. Thank goodness for the sit-ups and crunches in jazz class, I could pretty much get up without using too much of my neck muscles.
Was up walking around and all the second day. I had my series of blood tests and needle pokes. Progress, in my book has been speedy. It just gets better each day. The bugs bunny threads sticking out of my neck has been removed this morning and I’ll pretty much go back to doing normal people stuff.
On the downer side of things, I’ll be subject to radiation for a number of sessions just to be on the safe side. That being said, anything can happen.
I guess I have more things to be thankful for. Whatever was dubbed suffering during the entire challenge was not at all prolonged, the operation was on the nose, the needlework was top notch and the lab results were non-malignant. Not to forget I’ve had a lot of tv and dvd time, me time, family time plus rest and relaxation. Stuff I couldn’t have managed in Sydney.
Friday will be some kind of d-day as to what is going to happen next. Sigh. Holding my breath. Crossing my fingers. Change ain’t so bad, I just had to let out a cry for all things I’ve had that I’ve grown attached to in Sydney.
Things can still get way better than that.
The challenge is not the choice itself for if that was so, it would have been as easy as flicking a coin or asking one random person on the street to pull a straw out of a hat.
The first time I’ve ever heard of it, I couldn’t help shed a tear. Thereafter, things just fell into place and while my surgeon’s secretary reckons I was scared senseless, maybe because I was timid, I was not.
I had a fair share of prayers, perhaps reality brought forth many many more than I’ve ever imagined. I was surprised that right to the point where they gave me the required dose of anaesthesia, I was calm. I did wonder why and I did ponder on the whole process. I slept like a baby, just like any other night. I even dreamt and I have absolutely no recollection of what the dream was about.
The next thing I know, the surgeon’s waking me up, asking me to clear my throat and one of the doctors said I was biting my lip for the entire duration. I wish somebody had video taped the process. I didn’t even get to see my thyroid, much less the lump.
The Recovery Room period was synonymous to what I think hell would be like. However, while the latter would be fiery hot, the former was overly chilly, hence they put a light by my bed, whereby I felt like a chicken with eggs that are about to hatch. I spewed a good many times and my head felt like it was about to explode. I sincerely asked the attending staff if I could sit up. NO.
Next up, my right hand where they’ve put the dextrose has blown up like a pin cushion as the needle was knocked off the vein during the operation. I was reminded of Shallow Hall, my brother said it was like The Nutty Professor.
And that was the longest moment of my life. I think I was in recovery for a couple of hours and then I was told that I’ll be going back to my room after I’ve had my sit up attempt when the attendant was not looking. I felt a tingle of blood flow down my neck and then I slowly lied back down. I still had to wait a good 30 minutes or so as they had papers to sign and all that so-called formality. I decided to nod off the remaining minutes.
Finally they pushed the stretcher out of the Recovery Dungeon and into the hallways. I felt the tremendous Filo heat and missed the chilly air of the dungeon. Right before I reached my room, I felt a surge of vomit longing to be released from their entrapment. I made an awful sound, the pushers did not react in haste and then I decided to vomit on the side of the stretcher and let it drip down the hospital floors. Hey, I won’t ever get away with this on just any given day. Besides, I wouldn’t want to swallow used up, spoiled rotten anaesthetic.
For the next couple of days, I refused to lie down and even sleep. Thank goodness for the sit-ups and crunches in jazz class, I could pretty much get up without using too much of my neck muscles.
Was up walking around and all the second day. I had my series of blood tests and needle pokes. Progress, in my book has been speedy. It just gets better each day. The bugs bunny threads sticking out of my neck has been removed this morning and I’ll pretty much go back to doing normal people stuff.
On the downer side of things, I’ll be subject to radiation for a number of sessions just to be on the safe side. That being said, anything can happen.
I guess I have more things to be thankful for. Whatever was dubbed suffering during the entire challenge was not at all prolonged, the operation was on the nose, the needlework was top notch and the lab results were non-malignant. Not to forget I’ve had a lot of tv and dvd time, me time, family time plus rest and relaxation. Stuff I couldn’t have managed in Sydney.
Friday will be some kind of d-day as to what is going to happen next. Sigh. Holding my breath. Crossing my fingers. Change ain’t so bad, I just had to let out a cry for all things I’ve had that I’ve grown attached to in Sydney.
Things can still get way better than that.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
fresh from a 27-day hiatus
September so far...
Had bday dinner at RedOak, didn't really enjoy the nosh though everyone else did. All else was fab.
The Saturday after was Pitter's 24th bday dinner, right where I had my 24th bday dinner - Casa Asturiana. I'll never say no to Spanish but my lamb was huge I only managed to eat about a quarter of the whole meal. Yeah me of all people.
We had about 2 weeks' worth of farewell dinners and what have you with Ratna until she had to fly off for HK last Saturday. I had too many goodbyes these past few months. And I never thought I'd be emotional saying goodbye to people that I know I will still see. I guess it's what getting old does to you. I'm just reasoning for the heck of reasoning.
Work is alright. Entering a slow period. I have about a week and a half left until I go for my 3-week holiday. Another hiatus, perhaps. I'll have a job pretty much until mid-May 2006. Freelance work, who knows, really but I am hoping for something. Pay rise, rather insignificant but yeah better than nothing. I'll have a brother to support come 2006.
Another dose of Miyazaki flick - Howl's Moving Castle. It's a fun movie. Absolutely entertaining in a refreshing way. Witty dialogues. Story's got holes but still a good movie to end the day.
Thinking of summer skies and carefree days....
Had bday dinner at RedOak, didn't really enjoy the nosh though everyone else did. All else was fab.
The Saturday after was Pitter's 24th bday dinner, right where I had my 24th bday dinner - Casa Asturiana. I'll never say no to Spanish but my lamb was huge I only managed to eat about a quarter of the whole meal. Yeah me of all people.
We had about 2 weeks' worth of farewell dinners and what have you with Ratna until she had to fly off for HK last Saturday. I had too many goodbyes these past few months. And I never thought I'd be emotional saying goodbye to people that I know I will still see. I guess it's what getting old does to you. I'm just reasoning for the heck of reasoning.
Work is alright. Entering a slow period. I have about a week and a half left until I go for my 3-week holiday. Another hiatus, perhaps. I'll have a job pretty much until mid-May 2006. Freelance work, who knows, really but I am hoping for something. Pay rise, rather insignificant but yeah better than nothing. I'll have a brother to support come 2006.
Another dose of Miyazaki flick - Howl's Moving Castle. It's a fun movie. Absolutely entertaining in a refreshing way. Witty dialogues. Story's got holes but still a good movie to end the day.
Thinking of summer skies and carefree days....
Thursday, September 01, 2005
toothbrush analysis
i woke up at 7am. snoozed once then slept until about 7:30. nothing unusual, really. sometimes i even stay in bed until 8am. i was really meant to go in to work early. i guess i've been really tired. or really lazy. it can only be one or the other.
bolted into the shower. in the midst of that, i find my electric toothbrush standing on one of the window sills. and the tiny brush head lying 1.5 inches from the rest of its body.
for the nearly 25 years that i've been alive, i've never forgotten to brush my teeth. if anything, i'd rather skip a shower than to skip a teeth brushing session.
whils the head of the auto toothbrush is detachable, there's a piece of neck that comes with the head, but on this case, that little head is on its own. on closed inspection, the plastic bit is chipped and obviously it's fallen to the ground. i realized that when i picked up the 'body' and found a bit of dust near the feet. yuck. good thing i didn't really intend to put it back and use it nonetheless.
good thing i had a spare toothbrush around. now i'm back to manual. it really doesn't make much of a difference to me. good thing it was almost time to change my toothbrush head anyway.
as to how my toothbrush fell, i have the slightest idea. that window sill is mainly where i keep my stuff and mom's, too. if it had fallen whilst i was awake, i seriously would have realized as it would have been audible. perhaps some other mammal decides to steal a bit of dental floss whilst cleaning them teeth in their sleep, knocks over my lovely gadget and then forgets about rescuing it from the pile of fluff it fell on.
i could have used my apparatus to whack the head of the mammal to give it a lesson. so it can learn to empathize with my toothbrush even for a tiny bit. but then should i proceed onto my intricately mapped-out thoughts, i would deserve to be called a mammal for the most part of my existence. it would have been utterly inconsiderate and inhuman of me to be ever so accusing. and gosh, over a silly toothbrush head that was meant to retire to the bin anyhoo.
all those thoughts pushed aside after the shower. back to reality and ugh, off to work.
bolted into the shower. in the midst of that, i find my electric toothbrush standing on one of the window sills. and the tiny brush head lying 1.5 inches from the rest of its body.
for the nearly 25 years that i've been alive, i've never forgotten to brush my teeth. if anything, i'd rather skip a shower than to skip a teeth brushing session.
whils the head of the auto toothbrush is detachable, there's a piece of neck that comes with the head, but on this case, that little head is on its own. on closed inspection, the plastic bit is chipped and obviously it's fallen to the ground. i realized that when i picked up the 'body' and found a bit of dust near the feet. yuck. good thing i didn't really intend to put it back and use it nonetheless.
good thing i had a spare toothbrush around. now i'm back to manual. it really doesn't make much of a difference to me. good thing it was almost time to change my toothbrush head anyway.
as to how my toothbrush fell, i have the slightest idea. that window sill is mainly where i keep my stuff and mom's, too. if it had fallen whilst i was awake, i seriously would have realized as it would have been audible. perhaps some other mammal decides to steal a bit of dental floss whilst cleaning them teeth in their sleep, knocks over my lovely gadget and then forgets about rescuing it from the pile of fluff it fell on.
i could have used my apparatus to whack the head of the mammal to give it a lesson. so it can learn to empathize with my toothbrush even for a tiny bit. but then should i proceed onto my intricately mapped-out thoughts, i would deserve to be called a mammal for the most part of my existence. it would have been utterly inconsiderate and inhuman of me to be ever so accusing. and gosh, over a silly toothbrush head that was meant to retire to the bin anyhoo.
all those thoughts pushed aside after the shower. back to reality and ugh, off to work.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
SUPA SIZE me! NOT!
the newly acquired bad habit...
Guilt over eating out for brekky, lunch and dinner for over a month now, not really exercising and haven't been going to jazz, plus sitting on my ass from 9 to 5:30 or until whenever I finish work, which can be til 8pm. Oh, not to mention I do rock up to work early every time and again. Lunch breaks are normally out of the office, thank goodness!
the american adventure...
So what happened next? US VIsa interview slated 22 August 2005. I cancelled it cos realistically, I'll never get my ass there within 2005. WHo knows how long they'll give me a visa for, plus I'll be shelling out 100 bucks (and I was kinda broke around that time). Maybe next time.
Everyone's pretty much into the US of A at the moment. Or so it seems. Been in touch with Na in Boston despite the time difference. I'm normally up around midnight Sydney time and she's usually up around midnight Boston time. And yeah she's been telling me bits and pieces about life and all.
My cousin's dragged herself to NYC. My aunt told me cuz has an interview in Jersey and now I'm seeing photos of her in NY! I think the closest I can get to the states is to work for this NY-based bank. Oh well.
that something to look forward to...
Taking holidays in October. FINALLY! Missed having holidays every other month. By October, it would have been 4-5 months that I haven't been on holidays! But then this is 3 weeks long. It's gonna make up for the obvious lack. However, it ain't gonna be as exciting. I'd probably hibernate for three weeks and go shop for clothes that are cheap and that fit me properly. Hmm.. I'd have to deal with being a medium though.
misses, not missusss...
Sin City. I'm so dying to watch that. I have limited freedom on doing whatever I feel like doing because I feel bad should I leave my mom alone and then go do whatever I want. I think by the time I go see the movie I would have build up this really massive expectation that the movie would no way no how be able to meet that in the end I'd even hate it.
Jazz Dance. Let's just see if I really go should I get my chance. Work's been wearing me out. But I have 11 classes to do before October.
After-work Drinks. I still had a few but just a few.
Days-off. No more sunny days at the beach. No more idle lazy days.
Starbucks. Took a month off my weekend job but come to think of it, I don't really miss it, muchless miss the actual job. A good sign, I reckon but hanging on until I get my brother a job there. Come to think of it, what I miss would have been being able to read the weekend papers during working hours.
Writing. Sigh. I think I'm losing it.
Guilt over eating out for brekky, lunch and dinner for over a month now, not really exercising and haven't been going to jazz, plus sitting on my ass from 9 to 5:30 or until whenever I finish work, which can be til 8pm. Oh, not to mention I do rock up to work early every time and again. Lunch breaks are normally out of the office, thank goodness!
the american adventure...
So what happened next? US VIsa interview slated 22 August 2005. I cancelled it cos realistically, I'll never get my ass there within 2005. WHo knows how long they'll give me a visa for, plus I'll be shelling out 100 bucks (and I was kinda broke around that time). Maybe next time.
Everyone's pretty much into the US of A at the moment. Or so it seems. Been in touch with Na in Boston despite the time difference. I'm normally up around midnight Sydney time and she's usually up around midnight Boston time. And yeah she's been telling me bits and pieces about life and all.
My cousin's dragged herself to NYC. My aunt told me cuz has an interview in Jersey and now I'm seeing photos of her in NY! I think the closest I can get to the states is to work for this NY-based bank. Oh well.
that something to look forward to...
Taking holidays in October. FINALLY! Missed having holidays every other month. By October, it would have been 4-5 months that I haven't been on holidays! But then this is 3 weeks long. It's gonna make up for the obvious lack. However, it ain't gonna be as exciting. I'd probably hibernate for three weeks and go shop for clothes that are cheap and that fit me properly. Hmm.. I'd have to deal with being a medium though.
misses, not missusss...
Sin City. I'm so dying to watch that. I have limited freedom on doing whatever I feel like doing because I feel bad should I leave my mom alone and then go do whatever I want. I think by the time I go see the movie I would have build up this really massive expectation that the movie would no way no how be able to meet that in the end I'd even hate it.
Jazz Dance. Let's just see if I really go should I get my chance. Work's been wearing me out. But I have 11 classes to do before October.
After-work Drinks. I still had a few but just a few.
Days-off. No more sunny days at the beach. No more idle lazy days.
Starbucks. Took a month off my weekend job but come to think of it, I don't really miss it, muchless miss the actual job. A good sign, I reckon but hanging on until I get my brother a job there. Come to think of it, what I miss would have been being able to read the weekend papers during working hours.
Writing. Sigh. I think I'm losing it.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
in the line of fire
My own birthdays give me a rather queasy feeling which I'd attribute to a somewhat traumatic situation in the past. It just took one little flaw on one particular day at one particular moment in one's life. Oh well, these things happen but it's up to the so-called victim to free themselves.
Work's been alright. Lotsa farewells. Such is life.
Work's been alright. Lotsa farewells. Such is life.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
the morning after...
I reckon that on any given day, the morning after provides you with rather thorough insights on what has been, what might have been, what could have been and the like.
Last night was party hearty held at B. Gardens. 11 select people made the A list, comprising mainly of the stars at Starbucks Wynyard. There was mucho food and drinks and it was good. It was excellent considering my effortless contributions.
I survived the morning when I slept in, was in a pissed-off mood as per the day before, and had to back out of other commitments due to some cyclical occurences brought to me by nature and my inability to be responsible and handle the situation with the utmost discipline. I had to say I am pleased with my inability to dramatically affect other people with my emotional roller coasters, if you dare call them that. I do exaggerate a fair bit, language-wise.
What astounds me on a different scale is the behavioural psyche of individuals ranging from the ADD and/or OCD-inflicted, the innocent-bordering-on-to-ignorant, the control freak of sorts, the uptight, the aloof, and on to the various combinations of some, many or all of the above, and then some.
I was just the deeply honored primary audience of a monologue by a *dazed and confused* theoretically unknown figure who used to be one of those nuts and bolts in my hometown neighborhood.
Details:
The topic (in my opinion): Something overly familiar that is bordering on to the "family matters" category that it is pretty much half personal.
Overall reaction: Matter-of-fact but slightly put-off.
My verdict on the performance art: Disturbing.
Last night was party hearty held at B. Gardens. 11 select people made the A list, comprising mainly of the stars at Starbucks Wynyard. There was mucho food and drinks and it was good. It was excellent considering my effortless contributions.
I survived the morning when I slept in, was in a pissed-off mood as per the day before, and had to back out of other commitments due to some cyclical occurences brought to me by nature and my inability to be responsible and handle the situation with the utmost discipline. I had to say I am pleased with my inability to dramatically affect other people with my emotional roller coasters, if you dare call them that. I do exaggerate a fair bit, language-wise.
What astounds me on a different scale is the behavioural psyche of individuals ranging from the ADD and/or OCD-inflicted, the innocent-bordering-on-to-ignorant, the control freak of sorts, the uptight, the aloof, and on to the various combinations of some, many or all of the above, and then some.
I was just the deeply honored primary audience of a monologue by a *dazed and confused* theoretically unknown figure who used to be one of those nuts and bolts in my hometown neighborhood.
Details:
The topic (in my opinion): Something overly familiar that is bordering on to the "family matters" category that it is pretty much half personal.
Overall reaction: Matter-of-fact but slightly put-off.
My verdict on the performance art: Disturbing.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Relocating my Zen
Just as everything was seemingly falling into place, I hear a wham! bang! slam! and I have to go for an operation. Fine, I kinda assumed that at some point I would have to go for something as drastic as such but I was only prepared for them to take off something that shouldn't be there, not take half of an inside-the-body part off.
But anyway, I'm pretty much putting that aside because whilst I was thrown off-balance for a split second, it lasted a mere split second and I was able to come to my senses. More like 'big deal, get over it, other people's been through worse and guess what, they're still great people who found more reasons to live.'
Expectations fail you. Still, I'd rather expect something, remaining aware of the consequences from all angles rather than to nonchalantly live the total mediocre come-what-may life.
I'm still getting used to all the little surprises life has brought.
And trying to get back into the blogging...
But anyway, I'm pretty much putting that aside because whilst I was thrown off-balance for a split second, it lasted a mere split second and I was able to come to my senses. More like 'big deal, get over it, other people's been through worse and guess what, they're still great people who found more reasons to live.'
Expectations fail you. Still, I'd rather expect something, remaining aware of the consequences from all angles rather than to nonchalantly live the total mediocre come-what-may life.
I'm still getting used to all the little surprises life has brought.
And trying to get back into the blogging...
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Turning Over...
This is clearly the start of a new chapter. I FINALLY got my residency. It felt so good to know I can plant my feet somewhere I actually want to be in.
However, there's still that little (but not so little) part of me that wanted to venture out to some unknown-to-me place and wonder about prospects and possibilities. I wonder with a dreamy stare and a smile/smirk.
Flashback beginning of the year, I got a *prophesy* that I will stay here and I believed that because I really have a good chance and the turn of events throughout the year has so led to that. I undoubtedly had that faith because I saw the will. The masterplan was slowly unfolding.
Then comes the issue of faith vs. wishful thinking. Although the above issue has pretty much been one of faith and all, some things still border between the extremes. Perhaps it is taking things to a higher level, hence the more challenge, the more confusion.
Yesterday clearly marked challenge number one whereby my flatmate, confidante and all that friend you've ever wanted went off to embark on a 6-month absence from Sydney. Yes we are not yet on the verge of getting sick of each other because we do not really hang out that much and sometimes I would not see her for days. Sometimes is really an understatement here. But then I always know she'll be around for me, that I will always be able to talk to her and that I can trust her with my life. Now go beat that! I guess that should explain why saying goodbye at that time was so hard.
Exit Christian buddy #6, enter Christian buddy #7. I remember when I first came here I was sharing to a group in church how for some reason God has always given me a confidante that I can really make a shrink out of. From high school onwards, there have been Rybigail, Eileen, Tina, Narlz, Josc and then Na.
There have been overlaps, but no gaps. Na has left but I met someone at work who is a Christian and she was telling me how thrilled she is to find out there's one of her tribe at work, not to mention on the same office level. Being a corporate neophyte, perhaps I have no clue as to how rare it was but basing it on her stories (body language and tone of voice included), it was really WOW. And putting that fact into the Ivannah perspective, it is INDEED WOW!
Over the week, I've received a number of constructive inputs and also much of life has been put into its place. The puzzle seems to be more complete than ever. I am so aware of what is still missing but then I cannot really complain. I can only smile knowing one day the whole picture will be pretty much whole.
It's good to have a positive outlook. It's good to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to dream, to hope, to trust and to live on magnificently.
However, there's still that little (but not so little) part of me that wanted to venture out to some unknown-to-me place and wonder about prospects and possibilities. I wonder with a dreamy stare and a smile/smirk.
Flashback beginning of the year, I got a *prophesy* that I will stay here and I believed that because I really have a good chance and the turn of events throughout the year has so led to that. I undoubtedly had that faith because I saw the will. The masterplan was slowly unfolding.
Then comes the issue of faith vs. wishful thinking. Although the above issue has pretty much been one of faith and all, some things still border between the extremes. Perhaps it is taking things to a higher level, hence the more challenge, the more confusion.
Yesterday clearly marked challenge number one whereby my flatmate, confidante and all that friend you've ever wanted went off to embark on a 6-month absence from Sydney. Yes we are not yet on the verge of getting sick of each other because we do not really hang out that much and sometimes I would not see her for days. Sometimes is really an understatement here. But then I always know she'll be around for me, that I will always be able to talk to her and that I can trust her with my life. Now go beat that! I guess that should explain why saying goodbye at that time was so hard.
Exit Christian buddy #6, enter Christian buddy #7. I remember when I first came here I was sharing to a group in church how for some reason God has always given me a confidante that I can really make a shrink out of. From high school onwards, there have been Rybigail, Eileen, Tina, Narlz, Josc and then Na.
There have been overlaps, but no gaps. Na has left but I met someone at work who is a Christian and she was telling me how thrilled she is to find out there's one of her tribe at work, not to mention on the same office level. Being a corporate neophyte, perhaps I have no clue as to how rare it was but basing it on her stories (body language and tone of voice included), it was really WOW. And putting that fact into the Ivannah perspective, it is INDEED WOW!
Over the week, I've received a number of constructive inputs and also much of life has been put into its place. The puzzle seems to be more complete than ever. I am so aware of what is still missing but then I cannot really complain. I can only smile knowing one day the whole picture will be pretty much whole.
It's good to have a positive outlook. It's good to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to dream, to hope, to trust and to live on magnificently.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
moving chapters
I reckon one of the key determinants of the endings and beginnings of chapters is the movement of people, whether coming in or out of one's life.
July will be an interesting month and I can see December will be something, too.
Spent post-work unwinding hours walking down the UTS memory lane. So much has happened and pretty much, I have pretty much nothing but memories to take home. I've had my hey days and my fair share of struggles.
On the one hand I thought I might want to turn back the hands of time and make minor changes but then in reality (not so much on the fact that I can't turn back time), I'd rather live on and take home something valuable that I have learned from my stuff-ups.
I still believe in the end the world is going to be round and so forth.
July will be an interesting month and I can see December will be something, too.
Spent post-work unwinding hours walking down the UTS memory lane. So much has happened and pretty much, I have pretty much nothing but memories to take home. I've had my hey days and my fair share of struggles.
On the one hand I thought I might want to turn back the hands of time and make minor changes but then in reality (not so much on the fact that I can't turn back time), I'd rather live on and take home something valuable that I have learned from my stuff-ups.
I still believe in the end the world is going to be round and so forth.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
It has to be 'I'
Knowing you have people willing to be part of your support group has to be tops. I have my fair share of both extremes, uncalled for instances which just touch down in front of me.
/// another one of those corporate events ///
what is normally dubbed as a work function can really go any which way 360 degrees around. last night was a gig at the basement.
the basement - the ambience is like hard rock taken to the next level (older, more matured, more cultured version), the food that we so far had a taste of was good, the space is pretty reasonable, except for the so -called blue-note room, which is life-threatening for the claustrophobics, and claustrophibia-inducing for the normal few.
the gig - the main act came too late. however, the fact that the opening band is very good (there was a crowd quorum going on during show time, if u know what i mean), which is a good indication. and perhaps the show costing 70 bucks at that time (whilst we only paid a corporate rate of 5 bucks per head) is SOMETHING!
the bonding - what more can i ask for?
the downside - something from the past, which i thought i have long buried and haven't really been digging up (cos what's the point!?!) brought itself right in front of me. others might call it offensive, some might refer to it as harassment. i say, "what the!?!" somebody obviously has a problem here and i can never think it's me (all nerves and my whole sanity intact).
there was an unexpected upside, though.
it's all good.
/// another one of those corporate events ///
what is normally dubbed as a work function can really go any which way 360 degrees around. last night was a gig at the basement.
the basement - the ambience is like hard rock taken to the next level (older, more matured, more cultured version), the food that we so far had a taste of was good, the space is pretty reasonable, except for the so -called blue-note room, which is life-threatening for the claustrophobics, and claustrophibia-inducing for the normal few.
the gig - the main act came too late. however, the fact that the opening band is very good (there was a crowd quorum going on during show time, if u know what i mean), which is a good indication. and perhaps the show costing 70 bucks at that time (whilst we only paid a corporate rate of 5 bucks per head) is SOMETHING!
the bonding - what more can i ask for?
the downside - something from the past, which i thought i have long buried and haven't really been digging up (cos what's the point!?!) brought itself right in front of me. others might call it offensive, some might refer to it as harassment. i say, "what the!?!" somebody obviously has a problem here and i can never think it's me (all nerves and my whole sanity intact).
there was an unexpected upside, though.
it's all good.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Nuts about YOU!
Surprisingly, this week has gone so well and we're pretty much tying up the laces here now.
>>>The Job
Have to work with the boss this week and the next. So far so good. We're teammates for the mean time. It's been pretty cruisy so I've been living it up for the past few days. Still searching for Plan B and C, though.
>>>The Destined 'Job'
I rest my case with writing job 2005 numero dos. There's a magazine I'm due to apply for tomorrow. I should do it before I head for work tomorrow. Actually, that's in about 8 hours. There's about 3 hundred-word mini essays I have to write before I can hand in my application. Still pondering.
>>>Film Fest!
Did my last volunteering yday which was like the coldest night in Sydney. Went pretty well. Cruisy though as there were only 2 films that night. Today, got free tickets to watch Mean Creek, a SUndance winner.
>>> Annual Leave
On being slack, stubborn and all, I am still leaning towards taking mid-October off and heading towards the big apple plus texas. I've just got these mad ideas atm. ;)
>>>The Job
Have to work with the boss this week and the next. So far so good. We're teammates for the mean time. It's been pretty cruisy so I've been living it up for the past few days. Still searching for Plan B and C, though.
>>>The Destined 'Job'
I rest my case with writing job 2005 numero dos. There's a magazine I'm due to apply for tomorrow. I should do it before I head for work tomorrow. Actually, that's in about 8 hours. There's about 3 hundred-word mini essays I have to write before I can hand in my application. Still pondering.
>>>Film Fest!
Did my last volunteering yday which was like the coldest night in Sydney. Went pretty well. Cruisy though as there were only 2 films that night. Today, got free tickets to watch Mean Creek, a SUndance winner.
>>> Annual Leave
On being slack, stubborn and all, I am still leaning towards taking mid-October off and heading towards the big apple plus texas. I've just got these mad ideas atm. ;)
Monday, June 06, 2005
longing for the next chapter
i've noticed that change is an ongoing thing in sydney. while the inevitability of change is constant, somehow, things happen more spontaneously here in sydney.
in case i haven't said this before, i'm saying it again. i'm stuck in sydney and i'm loving it!
the four seasons in a year makes you take in changes in smaller bites. it serves my short term attention span well whilst not really injuring my adjustment periods.
i had that terrible monday morning madness today. got stuck in traffic among other things and got that damned finger pointed at me when i never ever asked for it. i guess that's life for ya. i can either be the emotional girly girl or the harsh stone-hearted saddist that i can be. i waver in between. i know i need some sort of balance but i gotta make sure it goes well with the situation.
at the very moment, i really need a job. i have a few things to finance.
i'm even willing to cut my end of year holiday short to make way for work. i'll have to put off my all american journey. or maybe make it sooner if the opportunity knocks. i do have about two weeks worth of annual leave.
but before all that year end planning, i need to be rid of all the cobwebs i can see. i dread the coming month. while change is good, i can see changes that i'm tempted to shed a tear with.
that 6 months shouldn't be too bad.
amanda moves in, which is good as na is heading for boston.
in case i haven't said this before, i'm saying it again. i'm stuck in sydney and i'm loving it!
the four seasons in a year makes you take in changes in smaller bites. it serves my short term attention span well whilst not really injuring my adjustment periods.
i had that terrible monday morning madness today. got stuck in traffic among other things and got that damned finger pointed at me when i never ever asked for it. i guess that's life for ya. i can either be the emotional girly girl or the harsh stone-hearted saddist that i can be. i waver in between. i know i need some sort of balance but i gotta make sure it goes well with the situation.
at the very moment, i really need a job. i have a few things to finance.
i'm even willing to cut my end of year holiday short to make way for work. i'll have to put off my all american journey. or maybe make it sooner if the opportunity knocks. i do have about two weeks worth of annual leave.
but before all that year end planning, i need to be rid of all the cobwebs i can see. i dread the coming month. while change is good, i can see changes that i'm tempted to shed a tear with.
that 6 months shouldn't be too bad.
amanda moves in, which is good as na is heading for boston.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
the busy bee concept.
.corporate life strikes.
i've had a few so-so days. won't call them bad yet because i like to be optimistic. it's still a challenge but it's healthier that way.
i believe the fun is just starting.
went on a quarterly companywide drinks thingo after work today. was so fun but i was there for only 30 minutes.
loving the people on my floor.
================================================
sydney film fest is coming up! coolio!
i've had a few so-so days. won't call them bad yet because i like to be optimistic. it's still a challenge but it's healthier that way.
i believe the fun is just starting.
went on a quarterly companywide drinks thingo after work today. was so fun but i was there for only 30 minutes.
loving the people on my floor.
================================================
sydney film fest is coming up! coolio!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
quoting shakespeare.
to be or not to be.
the ultimate question.
my ultimate question.
ditched star wars for tonight. been working my 5 day 9 to 5.30 and my weekend starbucks dose. ohhh and for the record, i've been going out after work. hence i took time to *buy a pair of boots!*, do 3 loads of laundry (finally washed my oatmeal coat and the popular coke-infused mimco bag), have cheap dinner (home-cooked by my flatmate, of course!) and chill.
i ditched pitter, too so i have to remember to make it up to him next time. what are friends for???
the ultimate question.
my ultimate question.
ditched star wars for tonight. been working my 5 day 9 to 5.30 and my weekend starbucks dose. ohhh and for the record, i've been going out after work. hence i took time to *buy a pair of boots!*, do 3 loads of laundry (finally washed my oatmeal coat and the popular coke-infused mimco bag), have cheap dinner (home-cooked by my flatmate, of course!) and chill.
i ditched pitter, too so i have to remember to make it up to him next time. what are friends for???
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
In Pink!
Third day into full-time office work. So far, so good. I am wearing this pink pants that are cut a bit low and accidentally wore bright blue undies. So much for being low-key and aptly professional!
I bought a pair of brown shoes for work. My black one is gonna die soon because I walk quite a lot in them, in a battle against having to sit down for so long.
Have to get a hang of working and all. I'm not in excruciating pain trying to drag myself to work and the like. The atmosphere is very likeable, too. Not intimidating at all.
So far still have plans going ovearseas end of the year. Possibly to the States. It would be so much fun.
I bought a pair of brown shoes for work. My black one is gonna die soon because I walk quite a lot in them, in a battle against having to sit down for so long.
Have to get a hang of working and all. I'm not in excruciating pain trying to drag myself to work and the like. The atmosphere is very likeable, too. Not intimidating at all.
So far still have plans going ovearseas end of the year. Possibly to the States. It would be so much fun.
Friday, May 13, 2005
dum dee dum!
Last weekday as a bum! Well, not exactly but feels like it!
And so perhaps things are going to settle. But prior to that, there's always the inevitable adjustment stage. Sigh. I'm bored.
Not sure what to do.
And so perhaps things are going to settle. But prior to that, there's always the inevitable adjustment stage. Sigh. I'm bored.
Not sure what to do.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
the movement from BLACK
Soon to be heading towards the corporate ladder. I wonder how long I'll be staring up from the bottom, I wonder whether I'd be striving to climb up, I wodner whether I will walk away. I should find out after 6 months.
Headed to my ultimate (not!) shopping destination and spent approximately 4 hours. I was pretty productive except I'm really tired now. I left my phone and didn;t bring a watch so I had no idea what time it was until after my last purchase, I checked the time on the docket.
Hanging on and bracing myself for next week. It should all be fine.
Headed to my ultimate (not!) shopping destination and spent approximately 4 hours. I was pretty productive except I'm really tired now. I left my phone and didn;t bring a watch so I had no idea what time it was until after my last purchase, I checked the time on the docket.
Hanging on and bracing myself for next week. It should all be fine.
Monday, May 09, 2005
the two happy's
Haven't been blogging so long, mainly because I've hardly had the heart and the environment appropriate for such. Grace has already gone travelling. She should be back in like a month and a bit but then it will only be a few days and she's off for good.
Want to make a pitstop in Jersey when I go travelling end of the year and say hi. Perhaps a bit of a flatmates reunion in Manhattan or something. I hope I can really go travelling. Been through my intinerary over and over in my head but I haven't really written things down simply because my sketchpad is in my head and I want to actually remember things.
The stress level is piling up and despite my need to be organized and devise a palm pilot-ish strategy, I still want to stretch myself and actually use my head to remember things.
Full time office work starts on the 16th. I have like a week of normality left. I guess I never really expected to be in the corporate world. I never thought I can survive, perhaps but then I believe Starbucks has given me a bit of an introduction on what the politics and the backbiting is gonna be like. On the other side of things, I guess the corporate attitude just grows on you. Just have to filter out the yucky stuff and remain earthy.
I told a friend of mine to give me a whack in the head in case I float up somewhere. Cos really, my deal is a one shot sort of thing. It's a 6 month fixed contract. Not like I'm set for life. But I like it this way. I know it can either end there just like that or my contract can be extended. It's like taking big things in bite size pieces.
Prior to the whole facing the corporate world programme involved reloading a bit of stress. I'll have to book myself in for a Spa Treatment. Despite the cost, I feel the need and perhaps it is better for my well-being.
Mother's day was good. Called mom. I worked a pretty lengthy shift and then saw a rather arty movie called Criminal before heading off to church. Church was good. I am once again in this church limbo where I'm not sure where I should be going. The soundest doctrine is what one lacks and the cheery fellowship and vibrant involvement is what the other proves amiss.
I guess there's different venues for different needs, whichever mood calls for it.
Want to make a pitstop in Jersey when I go travelling end of the year and say hi. Perhaps a bit of a flatmates reunion in Manhattan or something. I hope I can really go travelling. Been through my intinerary over and over in my head but I haven't really written things down simply because my sketchpad is in my head and I want to actually remember things.
The stress level is piling up and despite my need to be organized and devise a palm pilot-ish strategy, I still want to stretch myself and actually use my head to remember things.
Full time office work starts on the 16th. I have like a week of normality left. I guess I never really expected to be in the corporate world. I never thought I can survive, perhaps but then I believe Starbucks has given me a bit of an introduction on what the politics and the backbiting is gonna be like. On the other side of things, I guess the corporate attitude just grows on you. Just have to filter out the yucky stuff and remain earthy.
I told a friend of mine to give me a whack in the head in case I float up somewhere. Cos really, my deal is a one shot sort of thing. It's a 6 month fixed contract. Not like I'm set for life. But I like it this way. I know it can either end there just like that or my contract can be extended. It's like taking big things in bite size pieces.
Prior to the whole facing the corporate world programme involved reloading a bit of stress. I'll have to book myself in for a Spa Treatment. Despite the cost, I feel the need and perhaps it is better for my well-being.
Mother's day was good. Called mom. I worked a pretty lengthy shift and then saw a rather arty movie called Criminal before heading off to church. Church was good. I am once again in this church limbo where I'm not sure where I should be going. The soundest doctrine is what one lacks and the cheery fellowship and vibrant involvement is what the other proves amiss.
I guess there's different venues for different needs, whichever mood calls for it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
over the moon! well, in that totally less romanticized way.
I came home totally pissed off, not so much on how the morning has turned out. Angelica did drop a bottle of milk which ended up wetting my pair of Naturalizers. I dropped a bottle of milk afterwards, good thing it was almost finished so the damage was minimal. And then Tim knocked over two grande drinks, syrups included. We had a good laugh thereafter. Everything was good and I left the store in good work spirits but still stressed.
So many things going on and turning out a bit on the sour side. I'm lucky my parents just shrug these things off and are not as pedantic as I thought they might be. Perhaps uncertainty just whacks me off balance and I am so having a load of that with my Aussie status put on hold for what seems like forever and also an agent who misinforms me on what turns out to be rather crucial for me (read: health insurance).
And so I have spent a fair bit of money, which I'd really rather charge my credit card as I am too cheap and poor (firstly, I am poor and so I have to be cheap) to pay for it myself.
I've been waiting my whole life to do some real camera action and finally I'm scheduled for camera training. Having a bit of a boo boo encounter with the organizers. I'm too tired to elaborate. I've been rolling my eyes too much.
I shall conclude that such is life and perhaps there's nothing more I can do.
So many things going on and turning out a bit on the sour side. I'm lucky my parents just shrug these things off and are not as pedantic as I thought they might be. Perhaps uncertainty just whacks me off balance and I am so having a load of that with my Aussie status put on hold for what seems like forever and also an agent who misinforms me on what turns out to be rather crucial for me (read: health insurance).
And so I have spent a fair bit of money, which I'd really rather charge my credit card as I am too cheap and poor (firstly, I am poor and so I have to be cheap) to pay for it myself.
I've been waiting my whole life to do some real camera action and finally I'm scheduled for camera training. Having a bit of a boo boo encounter with the organizers. I'm too tired to elaborate. I've been rolling my eyes too much.
I shall conclude that such is life and perhaps there's nothing more I can do.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
time off!
Off from work... so taking a lazy day off yet trying to get some stuff done in a rather mediocre fashion. Guess tiredness makes one mediocre. I just felt like not getting out of bed this morning but I know I'll feel bloody crappy if I don't.
Attention deficiency gets to me. Some people just hits the right chord to tick me off. Luckily I had the perfect excuse to walk out of it yesterday. Good thing the page is about to be turned.
Went by the Quay yesterday to get some stuff for work. It was some sort of a swap cos the managers purposely didn't order much to lower cost of goods. Anyway, I like the Quay. Everyone seems nice and all. Anne expressed her unfavourable comments on the XBR program. It's some sort of internal control the company is putting in place to increase security over cash handling matters.
On the same note, I'm kinda screwed because I've been doing a lot of line voids on my registers the past month, due to customers and also due to my fat fingers. Apparently the district managers read the essays we write on the back of the warning letters and he has just told Amanda to talk to me about the till sharing issue I brought up, which I didn't because I'm not as dumb as to admit to some purposely placed blunder.
Amanda helped me move most of my stuff yesterday but then there's still a lot of packing to be done. Gotta get the kitchenwares into boxes for when Bernee helps us.
Managed to organize my stuff a bit, which is good. Have my books and magazines piled high in my room. Never realized I have that much. I guess I'll end up tearing them up to wallpaper my really white walls. I like white but I have to live in colour.
Busy day tomorrow. Got church, work and dinner.
Attention deficiency gets to me. Some people just hits the right chord to tick me off. Luckily I had the perfect excuse to walk out of it yesterday. Good thing the page is about to be turned.
Went by the Quay yesterday to get some stuff for work. It was some sort of a swap cos the managers purposely didn't order much to lower cost of goods. Anyway, I like the Quay. Everyone seems nice and all. Anne expressed her unfavourable comments on the XBR program. It's some sort of internal control the company is putting in place to increase security over cash handling matters.
On the same note, I'm kinda screwed because I've been doing a lot of line voids on my registers the past month, due to customers and also due to my fat fingers. Apparently the district managers read the essays we write on the back of the warning letters and he has just told Amanda to talk to me about the till sharing issue I brought up, which I didn't because I'm not as dumb as to admit to some purposely placed blunder.
Amanda helped me move most of my stuff yesterday but then there's still a lot of packing to be done. Gotta get the kitchenwares into boxes for when Bernee helps us.
Managed to organize my stuff a bit, which is good. Have my books and magazines piled high in my room. Never realized I have that much. I guess I'll end up tearing them up to wallpaper my really white walls. I like white but I have to live in colour.
Busy day tomorrow. Got church, work and dinner.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Living on Paninis
This day marks my dependence on paninis. They hardly cost anything, which is good for me as I am spending a tad over my limit. perhaps my aim is to spend relatively less than what I earn. Tricky tricky.
Currently in the process of moving. I owe my flatmate a rough sum, close to a grand but she owes me more than half of what I owe her. So my debt isn't that bad.
Dad's birthday is coming up so had to go look for something. I'm also looking for the clothing bin so I can donate some stuff to charity. Stuff that will reduce the clutter in my life.
Just did a round of moving Ivannah junk over so I'm kinda tired. I worked a full shift, too. Currently doing some admin stuff... Then off to North Sydney to tidy up as I've left a mess there...
Currently in the process of moving. I owe my flatmate a rough sum, close to a grand but she owes me more than half of what I owe her. So my debt isn't that bad.
Dad's birthday is coming up so had to go look for something. I'm also looking for the clothing bin so I can donate some stuff to charity. Stuff that will reduce the clutter in my life.
Just did a round of moving Ivannah junk over so I'm kinda tired. I worked a full shift, too. Currently doing some admin stuff... Then off to North Sydney to tidy up as I've left a mess there...
Friday, April 01, 2005
assuming roles...
There is just that urge to do something but as I rack my brain for the specifics, my mind goes blank. I suspect I have just been through some sort of writer's block which I would say is the main cause of my blogging hiatus for the past X weeks. Another reason could be inconvenience and lack of space.
Yesterday marked my first day in business. I am officially a freelance writer, legally in business. Sounds exciting but yeah the thrill has expired for now, at least. Everything involves a lot of waiting and while I am in that whole lot of waiting periods at once, I think of what else I should do. Maybe one day they will all get me at once and then I shall be overwhelmed to the very last nerve.
Mom was just here for the nth time and dragged one of her little sisters along. Had a bit of a holiday there, a stressful one at that as I have to do the whole entertaining thing which I am not particularly fond of although I really don't mind. Anyhoo, it was good while it lasted but I felt tired afterwards.
Currently sorting stuff at work and all that jazz. Transferring to the Quay. Yes, another transfer as I have gone past my one year mark in Wynyard. Moving around is doing me good. I refuse to be stuck in a comfort zone.
Speaking of moves, we just signed a lease contract and will be moving in the next 15 days. New address. That's my business address. More work to be done soon. Hopefully I get my brain busy but not overly busy.
Yesterday marked my first day in business. I am officially a freelance writer, legally in business. Sounds exciting but yeah the thrill has expired for now, at least. Everything involves a lot of waiting and while I am in that whole lot of waiting periods at once, I think of what else I should do. Maybe one day they will all get me at once and then I shall be overwhelmed to the very last nerve.
Mom was just here for the nth time and dragged one of her little sisters along. Had a bit of a holiday there, a stressful one at that as I have to do the whole entertaining thing which I am not particularly fond of although I really don't mind. Anyhoo, it was good while it lasted but I felt tired afterwards.
Currently sorting stuff at work and all that jazz. Transferring to the Quay. Yes, another transfer as I have gone past my one year mark in Wynyard. Moving around is doing me good. I refuse to be stuck in a comfort zone.
Speaking of moves, we just signed a lease contract and will be moving in the next 15 days. New address. That's my business address. More work to be done soon. Hopefully I get my brain busy but not overly busy.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
a little slumber, a little sleep
... that deadly viper that causes one to fall into the trap of uselessness... I could be overreacting. Been sleeping through my supposed 'work' hours. So far, I've slept through three meetings and a lot of 'work' hours that I have no way of keeping track of.
Perhaps I need to obssess about what I really want to do so as to actually get somewhere and get the juices flowing. This has to be put off for later, unfortunately.
For the nth time, priorities have to be set and a plan of attack devised. How far will I go, this time?
Perhaps I need to obssess about what I really want to do so as to actually get somewhere and get the juices flowing. This has to be put off for later, unfortunately.
For the nth time, priorities have to be set and a plan of attack devised. How far will I go, this time?
Saturday, March 12, 2005
of cupcakes and cocktails and the need for crutches
My temper has perhaps not done much of a roller coaster since I got to Sydney. I am stuck at home with a sprained ankle, something I have never ever had in my life. Thus, I cannot be blamed for shedding a tear after realizing I cannot walk.
Crawled my way to Na's room to grab the phone and get someone else to cover my shift. Worst ever response in the entire century, but I really didn't have a choice. I was saying if I were sick, I can probably at least make my way there and pull the show. My problem is the getting there bit. I have never ever been disabled and this sucks big time.
It also helps make things suck even more if other people support the negative reaction of the other party. I did things as sensibly as I can and to the best of my ability. Now, should I scream my lungs out and declare my verdict to that selfish prick who is and will always be a hopeless case?
Crawled my way to Na's room to grab the phone and get someone else to cover my shift. Worst ever response in the entire century, but I really didn't have a choice. I was saying if I were sick, I can probably at least make my way there and pull the show. My problem is the getting there bit. I have never ever been disabled and this sucks big time.
It also helps make things suck even more if other people support the negative reaction of the other party. I did things as sensibly as I can and to the best of my ability. Now, should I scream my lungs out and declare my verdict to that selfish prick who is and will always be a hopeless case?
Thursday, March 03, 2005
prerequisites to the quarter life mark
Mom was here for two weeks. Took her to the airport last Sunday and picking her up again in about two weeks' time.
I had a bit of a break, a bit of a stress and a bit of everything else life has to offer. Now I have a part time job and a casual job that strains my leg muscles to stiffness, jolts my bank account up for a bit and then I make it plunge back down thereafter.
Currently findling out what my life is all about...
Tough but hanging on.
I had a bit of a break, a bit of a stress and a bit of everything else life has to offer. Now I have a part time job and a casual job that strains my leg muscles to stiffness, jolts my bank account up for a bit and then I make it plunge back down thereafter.
Currently findling out what my life is all about...
Tough but hanging on.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Rejuvenated until 6 hours ago
Post Adelaide.
Day 1.
Arrived. 34 degrees hot. Stayed at The Grosvenor. Took a while to settle as we had to switch from the so-called weirdness of the economy room which is in some in-between floor... so we asked for an upgrade to the normal hotel room. Walked around, had dinner back at the hotel... which was crap.. Had Roast of the Day which is not as good as Tassie's pub roast.
Day 2.
37 degrees hot. Bad brekky at the hotel, normal brekky stuff. Hopped on the Beeline, one of Adelaide's free round-the-city buses. Took the tram to Glenelg, walked around the beach and took a lot of holiday snaps. Back to the city, onto the City Loop, another free bus, and headed to Chinatown. Went to the city centre and did a bit of shopping.
Day 3.
39 degrees. Toured the Barossa Valley and Adelaide country, went to Hahndorf the Bavarian Village, which is alright. Pretty interesting but didn't really see much of the place. Back to the city and then had cafe dinner.
Day 4.
26 degrees. Still bad brekky. It's so so bad. Never gonna go back to that hotel. Holiday Inn is a way better bet. The price would have been just the same. Headed back to the airport, last minute souvenir shopping, boarded the plane.
Back to Sydney, dropped the bags home then headed to work at St. James. Not so good but who cares so not gonna worry about it. ;)
Day 1.
Arrived. 34 degrees hot. Stayed at The Grosvenor. Took a while to settle as we had to switch from the so-called weirdness of the economy room which is in some in-between floor... so we asked for an upgrade to the normal hotel room. Walked around, had dinner back at the hotel... which was crap.. Had Roast of the Day which is not as good as Tassie's pub roast.
Day 2.
37 degrees hot. Bad brekky at the hotel, normal brekky stuff. Hopped on the Beeline, one of Adelaide's free round-the-city buses. Took the tram to Glenelg, walked around the beach and took a lot of holiday snaps. Back to the city, onto the City Loop, another free bus, and headed to Chinatown. Went to the city centre and did a bit of shopping.
Day 3.
39 degrees. Toured the Barossa Valley and Adelaide country, went to Hahndorf the Bavarian Village, which is alright. Pretty interesting but didn't really see much of the place. Back to the city and then had cafe dinner.
Day 4.
26 degrees. Still bad brekky. It's so so bad. Never gonna go back to that hotel. Holiday Inn is a way better bet. The price would have been just the same. Headed back to the airport, last minute souvenir shopping, boarded the plane.
Back to Sydney, dropped the bags home then headed to work at St. James. Not so good but who cares so not gonna worry about it. ;)
Monday, February 14, 2005
WANT vs NEED
It's v day. That doesn't mean much except that the flower shop across our store was very very busy that it seemed like they've rostered all their staff on to accomodate the floral demands of the public, thus take advantage of the very profitable day of the year.
I'm having an early start tomorrow and a rather late day. Work related beginning and end. It would be such a delight to fall into a deep slumber. However, what one wants is not necessarily what one needs. And while hitting the sack ASAP is what I really long for, it might not be ideal given the fact that I am really full from late dinner.
One of those things that take time. I cannot say anymore but I can tell you how far my mind has wandered through the abstract confines of the life I lead.
Mom's coming tomorrow. Busy busy day.
Two movies, two days in a row. House of Flying Daggers was not as good as the other Zhang Yimou feature, Hero. The story is perhaps equally complex but the appeal did not really work its charm on me. I love the final fight scene where there is a change of season and the snow storm is happening amidst the slow mo' movements of the characters.
Bride and Prejudice is a taste of westernized Bollywood. It was as entertaining as can be and perhaps the perfect intro to the Bollywood scene. It was as if that light in my head was turned on and for once Bollywood appealed to me.
I'm having an early start tomorrow and a rather late day. Work related beginning and end. It would be such a delight to fall into a deep slumber. However, what one wants is not necessarily what one needs. And while hitting the sack ASAP is what I really long for, it might not be ideal given the fact that I am really full from late dinner.
One of those things that take time. I cannot say anymore but I can tell you how far my mind has wandered through the abstract confines of the life I lead.
Mom's coming tomorrow. Busy busy day.
Two movies, two days in a row. House of Flying Daggers was not as good as the other Zhang Yimou feature, Hero. The story is perhaps equally complex but the appeal did not really work its charm on me. I love the final fight scene where there is a change of season and the snow storm is happening amidst the slow mo' movements of the characters.
Bride and Prejudice is a taste of westernized Bollywood. It was as entertaining as can be and perhaps the perfect intro to the Bollywood scene. It was as if that light in my head was turned on and for once Bollywood appealed to me.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Unlethargic State
Back in full swing. Yesterday was a busy day. I love the buzz and the hype.
Amanda's sms woke me up. She was terribly sick yesterday so she needed someone to open the store. I was meant to cover Casy's 7:30am shift so I didn't mind swinging by a tad earlier and set the pace for the day. Did some arrangements and got all hours covered. That was about 5:45am, when I was on my way to work. Woke Casey up in the process cos I needed a third person.
The rush was the longest ever in history, with more stress than ever courtesy of our district manager who decided to hang around and watch us, and even brought the managing director along. This was also my show. And I was in scrutiny. We did pretty well though.
Had yum cha with Casey, Ricardo and Amy afterwards. Sat there for more than 2 hours. Went off to buy Na's card and cake afterwards...
Na's birthday bash was really good. Had it at Ripples over at Milson's Point where you have an excellent view of the Harbour and the Opera House.
This morning was pretty good, too. I think I developed the right amount of optimism overnight. Mom's coming here on Monday. And then again in March.
Amanda's sms woke me up. She was terribly sick yesterday so she needed someone to open the store. I was meant to cover Casy's 7:30am shift so I didn't mind swinging by a tad earlier and set the pace for the day. Did some arrangements and got all hours covered. That was about 5:45am, when I was on my way to work. Woke Casey up in the process cos I needed a third person.
The rush was the longest ever in history, with more stress than ever courtesy of our district manager who decided to hang around and watch us, and even brought the managing director along. This was also my show. And I was in scrutiny. We did pretty well though.
Had yum cha with Casey, Ricardo and Amy afterwards. Sat there for more than 2 hours. Went off to buy Na's card and cake afterwards...
Na's birthday bash was really good. Had it at Ripples over at Milson's Point where you have an excellent view of the Harbour and the Opera House.
This morning was pretty good, too. I think I developed the right amount of optimism overnight. Mom's coming here on Monday. And then again in March.
Monday, February 07, 2005
that funny feeling
Yesterday was another Sunday perhaps out of the ordinary as I was able to go to church and just sit there. However, the peril of working when you don't want to struck as I take over the responsibility of closing Transport House. I was telling Amy how this horrible headache just started to creep into my being as I was there that towards the end of the shift, I could hardly do the furnitures, muchless be commander-in-chief.
Now I awoke a tad earlier, pretty much close to the time I intended to. Yes I did sleep in for an hour plus a few minutes but I had this terrible pain in my stomach that I needed to do something about it. I am a bit more calm now. I thought I'd get to call in sick. Haven't felt this pain in ages. I guess I am so settling into my current environment. Does that signify the need to relocate?
Rewind to the highlights of the weekend. Friday night me and Na dragged each other to Bugs Bunny on Broadway. The dragging was easy as both of us are thrilled to go. Never failed our expectations. Classic Warner Bros. cartoons accompanied by a live symphony. It was akin to looking back to one's childhood experiences taken to the next level... but fancier, with the symphony playing classical tunes and all.
Na bought me a baseball cap the next day cos she wanted to check out the stuff anyway and I was stuck at work.
My Saturday was spent at work and then dinner at Pancakes with friends old and new. I had Tabriz crepes, the worst of its kind. It was like crepe bolognese as we all agreed. Works for pasta, not for crepes. Now we know.
Poor Amy got her purse stolen from her bag. Similar situation to Rosa about a couple of weeks back. Incidents that so remind me of Manila. Do we have to now carry our backpacks like how we do in Manila? I guess we can't be too carefree in Sydney these days.
I went to the graphic design college information evening Thursday. I know I wanted to do it but it was just impractical in terms of cost and I guess the timing. Spoke to mom about it and she said it's a tad too dear. For the mean time, I've resorted to just saving up and see where the tide takes me to build my fort.
Now I awoke a tad earlier, pretty much close to the time I intended to. Yes I did sleep in for an hour plus a few minutes but I had this terrible pain in my stomach that I needed to do something about it. I am a bit more calm now. I thought I'd get to call in sick. Haven't felt this pain in ages. I guess I am so settling into my current environment. Does that signify the need to relocate?
Rewind to the highlights of the weekend. Friday night me and Na dragged each other to Bugs Bunny on Broadway. The dragging was easy as both of us are thrilled to go. Never failed our expectations. Classic Warner Bros. cartoons accompanied by a live symphony. It was akin to looking back to one's childhood experiences taken to the next level... but fancier, with the symphony playing classical tunes and all.
Na bought me a baseball cap the next day cos she wanted to check out the stuff anyway and I was stuck at work.
My Saturday was spent at work and then dinner at Pancakes with friends old and new. I had Tabriz crepes, the worst of its kind. It was like crepe bolognese as we all agreed. Works for pasta, not for crepes. Now we know.
Poor Amy got her purse stolen from her bag. Similar situation to Rosa about a couple of weeks back. Incidents that so remind me of Manila. Do we have to now carry our backpacks like how we do in Manila? I guess we can't be too carefree in Sydney these days.
I went to the graphic design college information evening Thursday. I know I wanted to do it but it was just impractical in terms of cost and I guess the timing. Spoke to mom about it and she said it's a tad too dear. For the mean time, I've resorted to just saving up and see where the tide takes me to build my fort.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
a matter of time
Perhaps I was experiencing some sort of writer's block. Or maybe I have just gotten a tad too concerned about my well-being that I haven't been thinking straight, that I have somehow restrained the natural flow of creative juices in my not-so-juicy brain.
I remember thinking that I cannot possibly document every single thought that enters my skull or every single idea that develops in the innermost part of my cranium.
Looking back, there was the ballet I so enjoyed at the Opea House. It was an experience I could have put into words but now have upscaled itself to a more profound and a more abstract thought that I wouldn't even know which adjectives will give it justice.
And then some of the unsaid lies in the boundaries of what should and should not be exposed, taking into consideration could-be taboos to most societies, universally speaking, such as politics, heavy religion and I guess you know what I'm really saying here.
LIfe at the moment borders between the good and the bad. Of course there's also that bit about being mediocre. Where does every other person want to go? It's really a matter of going out there and doing something. Who's willing, though?
Meeting of the minds have successfully taken place. Without warning, I might add. It was well and good and productive, I daresay. Perhaps going through all this with the most credible people in the world is like going through those dark forests with the people you so turst, it just doesn't matter. It's not so scary after all. I guess what I'm saying is I am a bit scared but I feel like braving the storm trying our hands in producing something we all love, we all want to do, where the world isn't really giving us a chance. Just because they do not know us.
I remember thinking that I cannot possibly document every single thought that enters my skull or every single idea that develops in the innermost part of my cranium.
Looking back, there was the ballet I so enjoyed at the Opea House. It was an experience I could have put into words but now have upscaled itself to a more profound and a more abstract thought that I wouldn't even know which adjectives will give it justice.
And then some of the unsaid lies in the boundaries of what should and should not be exposed, taking into consideration could-be taboos to most societies, universally speaking, such as politics, heavy religion and I guess you know what I'm really saying here.
LIfe at the moment borders between the good and the bad. Of course there's also that bit about being mediocre. Where does every other person want to go? It's really a matter of going out there and doing something. Who's willing, though?
Meeting of the minds have successfully taken place. Without warning, I might add. It was well and good and productive, I daresay. Perhaps going through all this with the most credible people in the world is like going through those dark forests with the people you so turst, it just doesn't matter. It's not so scary after all. I guess what I'm saying is I am a bit scared but I feel like braving the storm trying our hands in producing something we all love, we all want to do, where the world isn't really giving us a chance. Just because they do not know us.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
scatterbrained.
I haven't been blogging for reasons that I haven't really thought about. I guess we'll leave it at that. One of my emotional highs and lows, perhaps, or lack thereof.
Anything is possible.
I had about 9 hours of sleep, last day of my so-called long weekend. It was very apt, the long weekend, I meant, as I was going a bit under the weather. And I tell ya, the weather has been anything but fab the past few days. Three seasons in a day. Winter's left out. Not quite Melbourne.
Saturday was general cleaning day. Had Jenny and Amy over for dinner of fish and spinach ravioli tortellini. Did a round of Momopoly thereafter. Haven't played my ancient Monopoly since who knows when. It's been around for more than a decade. I still love it.
Did my TV crewing Sunday morning. It was a bad idea to have stayed up the previous night. Went through my stuff half asleep. Popped by Casey's afterwards and then walked to the city to meet up with Rosie and look for a place to eat. My day ended early.
Imax day Monday. That's pretty much all I did. Spent most of the day catching up with readings and all that... Saw Polar Express' 6am screening with Casey, Ric, Rosie and Na. Vietnamese dinner followed.
Got my last issue of COncierge in the mail along with a stellar reference letter. I wasn't happy with my article then. I guess it's time to explore a different writing style.
Tuesday was rather lazy. Hopefully my last day of feeling so attached to my bed. Went to Manly. Just sat at the cafe in a get-away fashion writing a letter and trying to read a significant amount of Chinese Cinema History. The latter attempt fail.
Headed to the city to pick up Rosie and then headed home. My day was supposed to be longer but I couldn't hack it anymore. Watched a chinese video at home and then bid my flatmate good night.
Post 9 hour hibernation, I still want to sleep.
Anything is possible.
I had about 9 hours of sleep, last day of my so-called long weekend. It was very apt, the long weekend, I meant, as I was going a bit under the weather. And I tell ya, the weather has been anything but fab the past few days. Three seasons in a day. Winter's left out. Not quite Melbourne.
Saturday was general cleaning day. Had Jenny and Amy over for dinner of fish and spinach ravioli tortellini. Did a round of Momopoly thereafter. Haven't played my ancient Monopoly since who knows when. It's been around for more than a decade. I still love it.
Did my TV crewing Sunday morning. It was a bad idea to have stayed up the previous night. Went through my stuff half asleep. Popped by Casey's afterwards and then walked to the city to meet up with Rosie and look for a place to eat. My day ended early.
Imax day Monday. That's pretty much all I did. Spent most of the day catching up with readings and all that... Saw Polar Express' 6am screening with Casey, Ric, Rosie and Na. Vietnamese dinner followed.
Got my last issue of COncierge in the mail along with a stellar reference letter. I wasn't happy with my article then. I guess it's time to explore a different writing style.
Tuesday was rather lazy. Hopefully my last day of feeling so attached to my bed. Went to Manly. Just sat at the cafe in a get-away fashion writing a letter and trying to read a significant amount of Chinese Cinema History. The latter attempt fail.
Headed to the city to pick up Rosie and then headed home. My day was supposed to be longer but I couldn't hack it anymore. Watched a chinese video at home and then bid my flatmate good night.
Post 9 hour hibernation, I still want to sleep.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Moving on...
Such is life. I have an early start tomorrow but I guess I want to let my thoughts wander about for a tad before I call it a day.
It's about time to take it easy and breathe a bit, perhaps get organized once again. It's like some sort of life housekeeping.
Still no news from my skill assessment thingo, still no prospective employer but yes, there is a pending project waiting to happen. I'm collaborating with Josc from Singapore and Inez from Indonesia. Three different timezones, three different projects into one major production.
Perhaps it is our own little project but we're holding on to each other for support. Ahhh... rekindling that artistic flame in each of us. We'll be motivating each outher to keep going, too. Has to work.
It's about time to take it easy and breathe a bit, perhaps get organized once again. It's like some sort of life housekeeping.
Still no news from my skill assessment thingo, still no prospective employer but yes, there is a pending project waiting to happen. I'm collaborating with Josc from Singapore and Inez from Indonesia. Three different timezones, three different projects into one major production.
Perhaps it is our own little project but we're holding on to each other for support. Ahhh... rekindling that artistic flame in each of us. We'll be motivating each outher to keep going, too. Has to work.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
That one little e-mail. That one little word.
Life has probably just begun but I was greeted by an e-mail saying the magazine I wrote for is closing down! Ack! I knew it! They were becoming oh so slow that I've oftentimes felt like e-mailing them a wake-up message or something along those lines! And they haven't even paid me yet! The most I got was a pile of business cards which is half gone, good thing I gave them all to friends but hey they're pretty useless now.
Ack!
Ack!
Sunday, January 09, 2005
first real sunday of 2005
Another one of those Hillsong TV days. I say that with a rather analytical and expectant note. This is the first for the year and it has been the best ever probably because there are signs that I am settling into the whole TV scene. Bravo. And so I had fun doing the task, having fellowship with the crew in between services and at the same time got something out of the message.
Hung out with friends thereafter for lunch and a bit of a walk around. Went for Italian at Glebe Point Road. Very reminiscent of ye old UTS days. Very filmic in a sense. Too many memories. One of those good old days thoughts but without any feeling of regret or reproach. Met up with Rosa and headed to Manly for a bit of breeze and that beach in winter thing just cos it’s not summery today. Had dinner at Pancakes at the Rocks.
I came home realizing how little I have accomplished in terms of housework as I was meant to come home after Manly and iron my mountainous load of clothes. Alas, I failed and have stretched my socializing a bit too far.
Oh well, there’s still tomorrow.
Hung out with friends thereafter for lunch and a bit of a walk around. Went for Italian at Glebe Point Road. Very reminiscent of ye old UTS days. Very filmic in a sense. Too many memories. One of those good old days thoughts but without any feeling of regret or reproach. Met up with Rosa and headed to Manly for a bit of breeze and that beach in winter thing just cos it’s not summery today. Had dinner at Pancakes at the Rocks.
I came home realizing how little I have accomplished in terms of housework as I was meant to come home after Manly and iron my mountainous load of clothes. Alas, I failed and have stretched my socializing a bit too far.
Oh well, there’s still tomorrow.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
That wonderful life
Either I was way too tired and sleepy last night or it was something else. I was praying out loud in my attempt to manage that simple yet meaningful prayer but I found it ever so hard when the room around me seemed to be spinning fast. After I finished, the spinning slowed down and then it was back to normal after a while.
The vitality of fellowship is perhaps underestimated. I know I am guilty of the crime but slowly I am realizing the whys and the hows. It never ceases to amaze me when those certain things friends say just pop out of the sea of words. Those statements that seem to directly reach out to your heart and mind, instructing, advising actually become those little pearls of wisdom that you will always remember and pass on to others.
It is funny how time and time again you get impatient as you experience the agony of waiting for something you have so longed for. And then later on keep realizing that it is not time yet. It is striking how God’s concept of time is always different from ours but then the former is always perfect that during the seemingly perpetual wait come circumstances and instances that prepare us for when the clock strikes that perfect time.
There is perhaps so much to life than one can fathom. Too much things to experience. There is a certain richness to it that I often sit back and wonder how I will be able to make the most out of it and one day die an ultimately fulfilled person whether men acknowledge it or not.
Went flat hunting with Amy morning and arvo, then shoe shopping, then met up with more people for dinner and went on a walk to the Sydney Opera House and then back home.
The vitality of fellowship is perhaps underestimated. I know I am guilty of the crime but slowly I am realizing the whys and the hows. It never ceases to amaze me when those certain things friends say just pop out of the sea of words. Those statements that seem to directly reach out to your heart and mind, instructing, advising actually become those little pearls of wisdom that you will always remember and pass on to others.
It is funny how time and time again you get impatient as you experience the agony of waiting for something you have so longed for. And then later on keep realizing that it is not time yet. It is striking how God’s concept of time is always different from ours but then the former is always perfect that during the seemingly perpetual wait come circumstances and instances that prepare us for when the clock strikes that perfect time.
There is perhaps so much to life than one can fathom. Too much things to experience. There is a certain richness to it that I often sit back and wonder how I will be able to make the most out of it and one day die an ultimately fulfilled person whether men acknowledge it or not.
Went flat hunting with Amy morning and arvo, then shoe shopping, then met up with more people for dinner and went on a walk to the Sydney Opera House and then back home.
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