Out of my sheer boredom, I was gee whiz on the internet the whole friggin' day. Sounds like work, only seemingly aimless and more entertaining. I was screaming "WHAT DO I DO NOW?" on msn whereby Josc went "What should Ivannah do now?" and to that, Sharon responded "I don't know what Ivannah should do." Upon seeing that, I just went "I know! Let's go to New York!" Sharon changed her sign to "I want to go to New York, too!" and then we had our roughest roughest plan.
Okay, so maybe I'm getting my hopes up once again. As to why I wanted to go, I'm not really sure. Perhaps it's the flashing of lights. Anyway, I just wanted to look around. I might score a job while I'm at it and who knows what else? Har! Har! Har!
```
I have ended another era yesterday. Bombed another comfort zone. I have constantly weighed the odds and finally decided on something. It was just time and it was good for everybody. I have finally quit *GASP* Starbucks.
Flashback to 3 years and 4 months ago, I was thrilled to have gotten the job, disappointed from the reactions I've received after spreading the news and well had a rather rough month of training. I was just picked on, however, I know that wouldn't be the end of it. Figuratively, I grew up there, being picked on by all these managers just because I've never really worked before and had no clue and I was just easy to pick on. It was heaps rewarding to end up on their good side later on. And well, too much memories, experiences and the like.
It was a bed of roses with thorns scattered pretty much everywhere. You just get thick-skinned after getting used to being pricked here and there. Customer-service, after all, teaches you how to keep a cheery smiley face despite the inner urge to spit into someone's coffee, at the very minimum.
I have previously said or maybe implied that my 6 week hiatus from Sydney and all of what Sydney life has been about has made me think about shifting things around and this is just one of those. It was difficult but hey, I have to grow up and get my priorities straight.
~~~
Where's my watercolour? I've been asking my brother for days. I've resorted to asking a more reliable individual to do the deed on my behalf. Afterall, my dad did use to buy me the best colour palettes that I've ever known. He goes for quality, too not even knowing how or what or why I paint. I really should have just brought my colours over. I haven't used them for three years and that's just sad.
~~~
Relo connection! My Auntie Julie rang today looking for mom and she didn't realize that I picked up the phone, that I am still here and that I went for an op. So I had to fill her in and perhaps we'll go eat or something in a few days. I've got all these invites from people but geez, I'm seriously getting tired of asking for mom's permission to let me go just cos I get the same old answers and I get to hear her slightly raise her voice at me. After 25 years, you can sense even the slightest hint of those.... waaaaahhhh...
My pretty much long lost cuz went to Sydney. Everyone I knew knows that because I coulnd't stop talking about it. Because I as excited but I THINK when he as in Sydney I'd gone to Manila and now, I think he's come home. I bet they had fun. It was their honeymoon afterall. But sigh, he's back to being the long lost cousin.
Thus ends my internet adventures for today. Until next time here on....
The Black Dot On The White Page!
Toodalooo!
Obviously, I'm bored.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
rockin' and rockin' and rockin'...
THREE WEEKS turn out to be six. By the end of it all, I deem myself lucky to still be employed in my ever replaceable post at that big corporation. Whatever else is next is way beyond me. Besides, I am stuck in a crack, not a valley, between two mountains whereby I have yet to figure out how to get out and who knows what else.
IDLENESS is something I have subconsciously learned to loathe overtime. Whilst I still tend towards living the fast hasty life and doing everything the speedy snappy way, I try hard to inhale every second or so, taking my time in the process. I have pushed myself almost over the edge.
FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF MY QUARTER LIFE, I have been set on to set my thoughts out, sort through everything and well organize my life. I've never really gone from point A to point B. Perhaps there is no point. Perhaps I am wasting my time thinking there is a mess to be fixed. Perhaps everything just falls into place in a snow globe manner, after which, you sort out what needs to be sorted out. Perhaps there is such a thing as being overly cautious that most of the time you do miss out on the best bits of life when you try so hard to fix and not miss out on everything. It just doesn't work that way. In other words, time for Plan B.
PSYCH ME MOMENT, here it comes again. I never would have thought, not in my quarter life, that I'd get sick. Whatever was given to me a few months back seemed to dangle on the edge of a cliff. I long to hold on, I seriously do but then I thought I should just let go. Perhaps it's how we can make way for better things. And I seriously wonder if this is all a mind game. I just cannot believe it's time for one again.
IDLENESS is something I have subconsciously learned to loathe overtime. Whilst I still tend towards living the fast hasty life and doing everything the speedy snappy way, I try hard to inhale every second or so, taking my time in the process. I have pushed myself almost over the edge.
FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF MY QUARTER LIFE, I have been set on to set my thoughts out, sort through everything and well organize my life. I've never really gone from point A to point B. Perhaps there is no point. Perhaps I am wasting my time thinking there is a mess to be fixed. Perhaps everything just falls into place in a snow globe manner, after which, you sort out what needs to be sorted out. Perhaps there is such a thing as being overly cautious that most of the time you do miss out on the best bits of life when you try so hard to fix and not miss out on everything. It just doesn't work that way. In other words, time for Plan B.
PSYCH ME MOMENT, here it comes again. I never would have thought, not in my quarter life, that I'd get sick. Whatever was given to me a few months back seemed to dangle on the edge of a cliff. I long to hold on, I seriously do but then I thought I should just let go. Perhaps it's how we can make way for better things. And I seriously wonder if this is all a mind game. I just cannot believe it's time for one again.
Monday, October 17, 2005
HOLEy but UNanesthetized
Currently in a state of part limbo due to the post operational mode, which is inevitable after having to subject myself to a challenge beyond any other. While it was partly a choice, it is pretty much one of life or death, where life clearly bellows its anthem for 99 reasons out of 100.
The challenge is not the choice itself for if that was so, it would have been as easy as flicking a coin or asking one random person on the street to pull a straw out of a hat.
The first time I’ve ever heard of it, I couldn’t help shed a tear. Thereafter, things just fell into place and while my surgeon’s secretary reckons I was scared senseless, maybe because I was timid, I was not.
I had a fair share of prayers, perhaps reality brought forth many many more than I’ve ever imagined. I was surprised that right to the point where they gave me the required dose of anaesthesia, I was calm. I did wonder why and I did ponder on the whole process. I slept like a baby, just like any other night. I even dreamt and I have absolutely no recollection of what the dream was about.
The next thing I know, the surgeon’s waking me up, asking me to clear my throat and one of the doctors said I was biting my lip for the entire duration. I wish somebody had video taped the process. I didn’t even get to see my thyroid, much less the lump.
The Recovery Room period was synonymous to what I think hell would be like. However, while the latter would be fiery hot, the former was overly chilly, hence they put a light by my bed, whereby I felt like a chicken with eggs that are about to hatch. I spewed a good many times and my head felt like it was about to explode. I sincerely asked the attending staff if I could sit up. NO.
Next up, my right hand where they’ve put the dextrose has blown up like a pin cushion as the needle was knocked off the vein during the operation. I was reminded of Shallow Hall, my brother said it was like The Nutty Professor.
And that was the longest moment of my life. I think I was in recovery for a couple of hours and then I was told that I’ll be going back to my room after I’ve had my sit up attempt when the attendant was not looking. I felt a tingle of blood flow down my neck and then I slowly lied back down. I still had to wait a good 30 minutes or so as they had papers to sign and all that so-called formality. I decided to nod off the remaining minutes.
Finally they pushed the stretcher out of the Recovery Dungeon and into the hallways. I felt the tremendous Filo heat and missed the chilly air of the dungeon. Right before I reached my room, I felt a surge of vomit longing to be released from their entrapment. I made an awful sound, the pushers did not react in haste and then I decided to vomit on the side of the stretcher and let it drip down the hospital floors. Hey, I won’t ever get away with this on just any given day. Besides, I wouldn’t want to swallow used up, spoiled rotten anaesthetic.
For the next couple of days, I refused to lie down and even sleep. Thank goodness for the sit-ups and crunches in jazz class, I could pretty much get up without using too much of my neck muscles.
Was up walking around and all the second day. I had my series of blood tests and needle pokes. Progress, in my book has been speedy. It just gets better each day. The bugs bunny threads sticking out of my neck has been removed this morning and I’ll pretty much go back to doing normal people stuff.
On the downer side of things, I’ll be subject to radiation for a number of sessions just to be on the safe side. That being said, anything can happen.
I guess I have more things to be thankful for. Whatever was dubbed suffering during the entire challenge was not at all prolonged, the operation was on the nose, the needlework was top notch and the lab results were non-malignant. Not to forget I’ve had a lot of tv and dvd time, me time, family time plus rest and relaxation. Stuff I couldn’t have managed in Sydney.
Friday will be some kind of d-day as to what is going to happen next. Sigh. Holding my breath. Crossing my fingers. Change ain’t so bad, I just had to let out a cry for all things I’ve had that I’ve grown attached to in Sydney.
Things can still get way better than that.
The challenge is not the choice itself for if that was so, it would have been as easy as flicking a coin or asking one random person on the street to pull a straw out of a hat.
The first time I’ve ever heard of it, I couldn’t help shed a tear. Thereafter, things just fell into place and while my surgeon’s secretary reckons I was scared senseless, maybe because I was timid, I was not.
I had a fair share of prayers, perhaps reality brought forth many many more than I’ve ever imagined. I was surprised that right to the point where they gave me the required dose of anaesthesia, I was calm. I did wonder why and I did ponder on the whole process. I slept like a baby, just like any other night. I even dreamt and I have absolutely no recollection of what the dream was about.
The next thing I know, the surgeon’s waking me up, asking me to clear my throat and one of the doctors said I was biting my lip for the entire duration. I wish somebody had video taped the process. I didn’t even get to see my thyroid, much less the lump.
The Recovery Room period was synonymous to what I think hell would be like. However, while the latter would be fiery hot, the former was overly chilly, hence they put a light by my bed, whereby I felt like a chicken with eggs that are about to hatch. I spewed a good many times and my head felt like it was about to explode. I sincerely asked the attending staff if I could sit up. NO.
Next up, my right hand where they’ve put the dextrose has blown up like a pin cushion as the needle was knocked off the vein during the operation. I was reminded of Shallow Hall, my brother said it was like The Nutty Professor.
And that was the longest moment of my life. I think I was in recovery for a couple of hours and then I was told that I’ll be going back to my room after I’ve had my sit up attempt when the attendant was not looking. I felt a tingle of blood flow down my neck and then I slowly lied back down. I still had to wait a good 30 minutes or so as they had papers to sign and all that so-called formality. I decided to nod off the remaining minutes.
Finally they pushed the stretcher out of the Recovery Dungeon and into the hallways. I felt the tremendous Filo heat and missed the chilly air of the dungeon. Right before I reached my room, I felt a surge of vomit longing to be released from their entrapment. I made an awful sound, the pushers did not react in haste and then I decided to vomit on the side of the stretcher and let it drip down the hospital floors. Hey, I won’t ever get away with this on just any given day. Besides, I wouldn’t want to swallow used up, spoiled rotten anaesthetic.
For the next couple of days, I refused to lie down and even sleep. Thank goodness for the sit-ups and crunches in jazz class, I could pretty much get up without using too much of my neck muscles.
Was up walking around and all the second day. I had my series of blood tests and needle pokes. Progress, in my book has been speedy. It just gets better each day. The bugs bunny threads sticking out of my neck has been removed this morning and I’ll pretty much go back to doing normal people stuff.
On the downer side of things, I’ll be subject to radiation for a number of sessions just to be on the safe side. That being said, anything can happen.
I guess I have more things to be thankful for. Whatever was dubbed suffering during the entire challenge was not at all prolonged, the operation was on the nose, the needlework was top notch and the lab results were non-malignant. Not to forget I’ve had a lot of tv and dvd time, me time, family time plus rest and relaxation. Stuff I couldn’t have managed in Sydney.
Friday will be some kind of d-day as to what is going to happen next. Sigh. Holding my breath. Crossing my fingers. Change ain’t so bad, I just had to let out a cry for all things I’ve had that I’ve grown attached to in Sydney.
Things can still get way better than that.
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