dislike for dissonance

clock out time: 5:30pm

i was home 6-ish, had some lindt 85% chocolat noir and pondered whether i should go to the gym. maybe later, i thought, and proceeded to devour the saltless leftovers which consisted of the pasta from two nights ago and the minced beef with asparagus, which i cooked last night and which i had rice with for lunch.

washed down my dinner with some goji juice, washed up, and decided to 'relax' for whatever the word means. decided to ditch the gym. ok, postpone gym time to friday night. no night out for moi. besides, i need to learn a bit of french and 'relax' some more.

soaked my feet, downloaded the presentation Dan sent the team (volunteer work) and pushed away the thought of having done zilch for Friday's End of Year Party promo except download a retro tv graphic.

i cannot get myself to do any more work for the day. i am tired and drained as it is. inspired? not at all. i cannot even look forward to my upcoming days off as i might have to go on unpaid leave. not that i mind not being paid for going in but i feel slack. but then again, who cares. seriously. i have to convince myself that this is merely a way to get by. five years later, it's going to be a footnote to a footnote.

whether or not i will get to go on holidays come feb 07, may 07 and sept 07 is way out of the question for the time being. these are rather highlights to my year. and my bro came home today asking why i look sad. because i am, because i am. i cannot even hide it anymore.

priorities, priorities.maybe it's time for some shut-eye.