SUPA SIZE me! NOT!

the newly acquired bad habit...

Guilt over eating out for brekky, lunch and dinner for over a month now, not really exercising and haven't been going to jazz, plus sitting on my ass from 9 to 5:30 or until whenever I finish work, which can be til 8pm. Oh, not to mention I do rock up to work early every time and again. Lunch breaks are normally out of the office, thank goodness!

the american adventure...

So what happened next? US VIsa interview slated 22 August 2005. I cancelled it cos realistically, I'll never get my ass there within 2005. WHo knows how long they'll give me a visa for, plus I'll be shelling out 100 bucks (and I was kinda broke around that time). Maybe next time.

Everyone's pretty much into the US of A at the moment. Or so it seems. Been in touch with Na in Boston despite the time difference. I'm normally up around midnight Sydney time and she's usually up around midnight Boston time. And yeah she's been telling me bits and pieces about life and all.

My cousin's dragged herself to NYC. My aunt told me cuz has an interview in Jersey and now I'm seeing photos of her in NY! I think the closest I can get to the states is to work for this NY-based bank. Oh well.

that something to look forward to...

Taking holidays in October. FINALLY! Missed having holidays every other month. By October, it would have been 4-5 months that I haven't been on holidays! But then this is 3 weeks long. It's gonna make up for the obvious lack. However, it ain't gonna be as exciting. I'd probably hibernate for three weeks and go shop for clothes that are cheap and that fit me properly. Hmm.. I'd have to deal with being a medium though.

misses, not missusss...

Sin City. I'm so dying to watch that. I have limited freedom on doing whatever I feel like doing because I feel bad should I leave my mom alone and then go do whatever I want. I think by the time I go see the movie I would have build up this really massive expectation that the movie would no way no how be able to meet that in the end I'd even hate it.

Jazz Dance. Let's just see if I really go should I get my chance. Work's been wearing me out. But I have 11 classes to do before October.

After-work Drinks. I still had a few but just a few.

Days-off. No more sunny days at the beach. No more idle lazy days.

Starbucks. Took a month off my weekend job but come to think of it, I don't really miss it, muchless miss the actual job. A good sign, I reckon but hanging on until I get my brother a job there. Come to think of it, what I miss would have been being able to read the weekend papers during working hours.

Writing. Sigh. I think I'm losing it.

in the line of fire

My own birthdays give me a rather queasy feeling which I'd attribute to a somewhat traumatic situation in the past. It just took one little flaw on one particular day at one particular moment in one's life. Oh well, these things happen but it's up to the so-called victim to free themselves.

Work's been alright. Lotsa farewells. Such is life.

the morning after...

I reckon that on any given day, the morning after provides you with rather thorough insights on what has been, what might have been, what could have been and the like.

Last night was party hearty held at B. Gardens. 11 select people made the A list, comprising mainly of the stars at Starbucks Wynyard. There was mucho food and drinks and it was good. It was excellent considering my effortless contributions.

I survived the morning when I slept in, was in a pissed-off mood as per the day before, and had to back out of other commitments due to some cyclical occurences brought to me by nature and my inability to be responsible and handle the situation with the utmost discipline. I had to say I am pleased with my inability to dramatically affect other people with my emotional roller coasters, if you dare call them that. I do exaggerate a fair bit, language-wise.

What astounds me on a different scale is the behavioural psyche of individuals ranging from the ADD and/or OCD-inflicted, the innocent-bordering-on-to-ignorant, the control freak of sorts, the uptight, the aloof, and on to the various combinations of some, many or all of the above, and then some.

I was just the deeply honored primary audience of a monologue by a *dazed and confused* theoretically unknown figure who used to be one of those nuts and bolts in my hometown neighborhood.

Details:
The topic (in my opinion): Something overly familiar that is bordering on to the "family matters" category that it is pretty much half personal.

Overall reaction: Matter-of-fact but slightly put-off.

My verdict on the performance art: Disturbing.

Relocating my Zen

Just as everything was seemingly falling into place, I hear a wham! bang! slam! and I have to go for an operation. Fine, I kinda assumed that at some point I would have to go for something as drastic as such but I was only prepared for them to take off something that shouldn't be there, not take half of an inside-the-body part off.

But anyway, I'm pretty much putting that aside because whilst I was thrown off-balance for a split second, it lasted a mere split second and I was able to come to my senses. More like 'big deal, get over it, other people's been through worse and guess what, they're still great people who found more reasons to live.'

Expectations fail you. Still, I'd rather expect something, remaining aware of the consequences from all angles rather than to nonchalantly live the total mediocre come-what-may life.

I'm still getting used to all the little surprises life has brought.

And trying to get back into the blogging...

Turning Over...

This is clearly the start of a new chapter. I FINALLY got my residency. It felt so good to know I can plant my feet somewhere I actually want to be in.

However, there's still that little (but not so little) part of me that wanted to venture out to some unknown-to-me place and wonder about prospects and possibilities. I wonder with a dreamy stare and a smile/smirk.

Flashback beginning of the year, I got a *prophesy* that I will stay here and I believed that because I really have a good chance and the turn of events throughout the year has so led to that. I undoubtedly had that faith because I saw the will. The masterplan was slowly unfolding.

Then comes the issue of faith vs. wishful thinking. Although the above issue has pretty much been one of faith and all, some things still border between the extremes. Perhaps it is taking things to a higher level, hence the more challenge, the more confusion.

Yesterday clearly marked challenge number one whereby my flatmate, confidante and all that friend you've ever wanted went off to embark on a 6-month absence from Sydney. Yes we are not yet on the verge of getting sick of each other because we do not really hang out that much and sometimes I would not see her for days. Sometimes is really an understatement here. But then I always know she'll be around for me, that I will always be able to talk to her and that I can trust her with my life. Now go beat that! I guess that should explain why saying goodbye at that time was so hard.

Exit Christian buddy #6, enter Christian buddy #7. I remember when I first came here I was sharing to a group in church how for some reason God has always given me a confidante that I can really make a shrink out of. From high school onwards, there have been Rybigail, Eileen, Tina, Narlz, Josc and then Na.

There have been overlaps, but no gaps. Na has left but I met someone at work who is a Christian and she was telling me how thrilled she is to find out there's one of her tribe at work, not to mention on the same office level. Being a corporate neophyte, perhaps I have no clue as to how rare it was but basing it on her stories (body language and tone of voice included), it was really WOW. And putting that fact into the Ivannah perspective, it is INDEED WOW!

Over the week, I've received a number of constructive inputs and also much of life has been put into its place. The puzzle seems to be more complete than ever. I am so aware of what is still missing but then I cannot really complain. I can only smile knowing one day the whole picture will be pretty much whole.

It's good to have a positive outlook. It's good to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to dream, to hope, to trust and to live on magnificently.