da flow.

I crave that boho-hippie sorta life. The slightly obsessive-compulsive type. For almost four years I have pretty much lived however I please, only subject to slight rulings and, of course, the manner as to how I was brought up.

One good thing about diarizing your day-to-days is that you can always go back to seemingly memorable events and then analyze, re-analyze and over-analyze…. I have frequently revisited the beginning of the year, attempting to gauge how far I’ve gone, and perhaps figure out where I should be heading…

What one desires to do versus what one ought to do.
If those things are one and the same, there is no dissonance. Where those things are of opposing nature, there is major conflict. I am on the verge of facing one of those.

neck in tingling pain. mom in town. family business needing an extra set of family hands. brother’s visa pending. closed mindset. overprotected. craving for room. for freedom. for direction. for room to grow, to roam free, to be me, to flourish, to extend, to stretch, to do the unthinkable, the seemingly unreachable, to go far and wide, to cross oceans and mountains and borders and skies….

I am in the midst of lost souls, faithlessness, complacency, paranoia, doubt, fear, anguish. Perhaps that is normal.
Perhaps that is what the world is about.
I feel for all these people.
It does not mean I am not one of them.
It does not mean I am forever going to be one of them.