In a world of frenzy

How ever so engrossing is the book I currently have my nose buried into for the past X number of days. Felt so much like eternity. However, after this leg of a 70% final exam, I shall be free. I shall embark on a different path perhaps more exciting than that which I have known for the past two years of academic turmoil.

I sit before notes on options and the like, relatively suffering from information overload and brain weariness. I have my interview coming up but first things first, I should pass my exam first as that would free me into the world which I can venture until time claims me.

This is a mere expression of the agony I am currently into. Tonight I shall write with a different note, I would like to believe, pray, a more cheerful one.

The Ultimate Test of All

I'm currently reading Yale University articles on finance. These are examinable components of my course and are prescribed by my lecturers. I wouldn't be reading them otherwise. Now, does Yale University articles help the struggling student comprehend the financial world better? These are perhaps excerpts from Professor Bill G's undergrad lectures. Ack. Too much stuff to read.

I have that Finance exam tomorrow arvo and.... an Oxfam interview in the morning which I am nervous about because I have no clue about Oxfam. It's not so much the 'job' that's nerve-wracking. I read through the current newsletter a tad and found this thingo happening in Scotland mid of next year. It's really a World Youth Congress. It's a good opportunity so I applied. The only issue now is raising funds for the trip should I get accepted...

Back to Prof G's notes...

That Afro Feeling

Got back from Hillsong about an hour ago. It was a good production. I didn't stuff up as much. Even if I did, theyIweren't my fault. It's just funny how things change so last minute. TV team was excellent today. Happy about it. Looking forward to more shifts this coming summer.

The afros I saw on the train reminded me of how I used to tell Narlyn whilst crossing the harbour bridge how I am ever so fascinated with Africans. I guess that stretched from staring ever so long at the African women's dreadlocks when I was a kid to just admiring the beauty that is usually shunned to wanting so much to go to Africa to enjoying the food and possibly the appreciation of everything African. Also flashback a couple of nights back when I felt so defensive over a very discriminating comment I heard referred to an African lass.

I am so behind Finance. My exam is a whopping 70% of the whole grade and I have about 2 days to study. Or should I say cram.

Of bloggin' it and fakin' it

Post-brunch. I'm at it again. I think I ate a tad too much couple of days back that when I woke up yesterday there was no flat tummy plus my top ten work outfits are lying in the laundry basket. Unironed. Pulled together what I can without any slight sign of undecency and headed out the door, no clue of what my train timetable is like for the new weekend opening time.

Ended up a.) leaving my jacket and b.) leaving my mobile phone. I didn't realize the latter boo boo until after my 7 hour shift. It was like being naked the whole day and not realizing it until nightfall. I had to close St. James 2 hours later so I was still in my reject clothes and still without a mobile.

- Details of my four straight shifts

>>Wynyard Friday open - late for 15 minutes, customer volume spread out for the whol emorning so there was hardly any extremely panicky period, had Maccas big breakfast after AGES of not having it and realized it's extremely small that I was still hungry afterwards but didn't give in to my hunger. And so straight after my shift I kept bugging Amanda to have laksa with me. We accomplished so much that day. Put everything in the merchandise wall so nothing's left lying around. Discovered new christmas mugs lying around. They are really cute. Put away stock cos they come in on Fridays.

>>Wynyard Friday close - after the laksa session with Mandy and Al, Al decided she didn't feel like working so I said I'll do her shift IF she goes to uni to print out my Finance notes. I don't fancy going to uni. Worked with Carlo, who used to be my supervisor in Balmain so it was cooooool. Albs dropped by in the arvo. That was a long overdue visit and he's actually lucky I covered for Al, otherwise he wouldn't really have anyone to visit. Haven't told him that yet as we were busy the time he popped by.

>>Wynyard Saturday open - I was about 3 minutes late, Casey came in 5 minutes after. He smsed me but I left my phone. We got our first few customers and then it was quiet. I put off doing my paperwork til midday cos I was being lazy. Casey bought apple mango from Coles so we were kinda feasting on it. I loved apple mango when I was a kid after having it once then. Never had another until yesterday. Ate too much again. Angelica called to say she can't work. @#$%^&^%$!!! And Casey offered to do the whole day. St. James called if we have someone to do a short filler shift and I told them I'll do it. I need $$.

>>Went to Transport House afterwards to 'study' but decided to read the papers.

>>St. James Saturday close - made me feel glad I did not transfer to St. James. Worked with a 2-month old partner and he was as bossy as if the world was given to him. Other partners are so-so and most customers either have their noses up in the air or are walking around with red eyes going "I need my coffee! I need my coffee!"

Was ever so hungry afterwards so I took the wraps from the pastry case. Had dinner with Al, then coffee whilst waiting for Rosa.

Then homebound. Then sleepy time.

- Floating (bright) ideas

Where one's instincts are found to be accurate, when theories become facts, I think it's better to underplay your abilities and fake it. My decisions to keep my sanity has stiffled a few revelations that would have been put out in the open way before. But I guess the delay played a big part in revealing more than was expressable. Hence the complications to the story.

My past once again threatened to haunt me. A mere play on the mind. Do I succumb? Do I give in? I hold firm to my ground and shall not waver.

More pieces to the puzzle coming soon. I can either pursue one path or wait for the other to open. There is still that mystery to be solved. But I have more clues.

Jaded, weary or plain tired?

Surprisingly, I'm not that tired. Perhaps that's what change can do. I got about a couple days off from work so I can study for my law exam and then I did a 12-hour shift, exclusive of the accumulated 2 hours break across day parts.

Yesterday's exam wasn't so bad. It was pretty much like an open book one as it was an open legislation exam, with most of the questions referring to the Corporations Act. Finished at 11:30, just enough time to go through everything. I could have spent more time figuring out the last question but I'm pretty sure I will at least pass.

Afterwards I had to take it easy for a bit. Went shopping. Spent lots of time looking around. I was actually looking for shoes but ended up buying other things. Maybe after Wednesday's exam I'll go shopping again.

I think I'm tired now.

seriously overwhelmed!

I haven't been in an interview for so long and I am invited to one next week! It's a volunteer editorial post for a newsletter which would be good for my resume. It's a freakish panel interview the morning of an exam day and so I have too many things going on for the next 2 weeks.

Meanwhile, I am still studying for my law exam tomorrow. I should be set soon. I don't want to study too much. Hopefully I get about 50%. I should be alright then.

On a Hillsong/Tazo/Com Law High

The day wasn't so bad despite my ill-feelings towards exams and having to crew for TV production.

Had a humongous cuppa prior to heading out to my battlefield, trying to beat rush hour traffic in the process. Got there way earlier than everyone else. It was a 5-person crew but with 3 cameras creatively set so as to only need 2 operators. Cool, hey?

The program was excellent. It was on child sexual abuse. The 5 Ws and H answered plus prevention measures. Very educational and very psychological. Something I really appreciate. Got into a bit of a blab fest with Sophie and her friend Daisy on the way back to Central.

Cooked a bit, ate ever so much before launching into study mode, plus blabbers galore with my flatmate and endless cups of tea. Will probably eat some Maggi noodles later.

Currently chatting wiht someone I used to work with. What's exciting is that he's putting up a media company which I should be a part of. I don't know how this works yet but will find out soon.

It is at this stage when I think that there's only one big thing that's missing...

Burnt on the left side.

What life is this that you have to rewrite a lengthy blog over again? It's like accidentally deleting a very long email, an email you've put off writing for months just because you need all the time in the world to think and write and then you don't know which stupid computer key you pressed and everything's gone. Ack. That happened last night. I was too tired to rewrite the whole thing. Plus I couldn't remember most of what I wrote.

I'm starting to feel sick and I suspect it's cos I have a law exam coming up and I still have pretty much a whole book to go through. Not to mention the fact that yesterday most of what I ate is comprised of Starbucks food.

I spent most of yesterday morning sitting under the sun and going through my company law notes. Halfway through, chatted and gossiped away with Christine and then on to lunch and eventually work.

The air com at the W is still broken so we had to keep the back door open for proper ventilation. Worked with Casey. He was meant to be at Transport House but we all said he's better off working at Wynyard. I think I've been working too much with him cos sometimes I find myself talking like him. Worse, Alison noticed as well. Ooooops!

Lotsa visitors came by. One very good thing about Wynyard. I love that.

Last night was the last episode of Sex and The City. Came home to watch some Queer Eye Thanksgiving Spesh which is absolutely nice with all the trimmings and festivities. I love Thanksgiving. I think it should be a universal celebration. I just love the whole concept.

:)

Let the cross draw man to You

==Work life
Did a close yesterday. It wasn't such a good day just cos a lot of things were left undone and I had to do it so as not to let it build up. I'm closing again today so even if I didn't get those things done, I'll still end up doing them anyway. Our store ceiling broke. It's long overdue, actually. An incident just waiting to happen as the airconditioning and ventillation system has been causing us problems during the warm days. Perhaps this time we'll get a cooler work environment in summer. Well I had to stay back an extra 30 minutes yesterday waiting for the builders to decide if they're gonna fix it or not.

On a more professional note, I think my manager hates me. It's mutual anyway so there's hardly any loss except that I couldn't get him to refer me if need be. I knew other top people but they're all gone now. It is as if I've outlived their Starbucks career. The reason why it's inevitable to bring this up is the upcoming performance review. This manager has a rep to downgrade everybody. I think I know the outcome of my review.

==Church life
After three weeks of not being on the TV crew roster, I'm back but I did a couple of major boo boos. The worship team sang a different first song from what was on the list as we didn't reconfirm the songs and so I had to try and think and then scramble to find that lost song and then skipped the first verse entirely cos it takes a longer time to do things when you panic.

The TV big wig in Hills is there as well and he is rather scary so I was scared. And then the speaker had a lot of media aids with him including video and power point. Of course I was only aware of the power point and took the wrong cue so my power point went on top of the video and I got the boss screaming "take it off! take it off" at me. Sorry doesn't really help much in those times.

And so I stuffed up the first service, which I think is not that big a deal should you be a member of the audience. I made up for it in the second service because we were all paying more attention and cues are more clear cut thus the powerpoint had perfect timing.

I redeemed myself but I still feel bad about the boo boos perhaps because I fell short of my own standards. They were honest mistakes though. I still tried my very best.

The cell group is now called the connect group and coincidentally I bumped into my connect group leader or should I say ex-connect group leader. It took her a while to recognize me and then when I asked her she said she's leading a different group now and everyone's just gone elsewhere. It was on the one had disappointing but on the other I had a clearer perspective of where things are.

It was like back to square one. But I did try. Do I still get an A for effort?

= The so-called normal life
This is perhaps the hardest thing to figure out, not knowing where things are meant to be. One day I hope things will fall into place. Maybe that's not so much wishful thinking because I know for a fact they will. It's just gonna be a matter of time. Then I wish that time will come really soon.

What lies ahead include finishing, getting a residency and looking for a job here on top of establishing a different sort of life. Ack. I guess I have exams to worry about still. I'll leave the other stuff for later.

bulging red eyes

Yesterday was my last ever accounting exam. It felt good. I thought the exam was alright and was actually feeling happy leaving the exam room when my friend told me that it was hard and he screwed it! I had to pause and wonder if my knowledge was so limited that I thought having responses for each question will just do. But nah, should be fine.

Went to Parramatta today to meet up with my prospective agent. I am so lost for words at the moment but the only thing I can say is I might end up getting her to do my papers.

Worked a full closing shift at Neutral Bay afterwards. Worked with the manager and a new dude who was really good for his first day and so I didn't have to stress at all and ended up doing the light jobs. The advantages of working with men.

However, I still feel awfully tired that I'd rather drown in my bed but I do have some things to do. Plus, I don't really want to sleep when I just ate.

But really, who cares.... zzzzzzz.....

Caffeined out...

Starbucks is green. I've had too much caffeinated drinks today. We decided to try out the new tea at work. It's called Joy, which is a blend of black teas and oolong, with green tea. But it tastes a tad fruity. I love it but the rest of the Wynyard world doesn't. I brought a bunch home and Na loved it, too. I think my dad will appreciate it as well.

I've been studying. Was meant to go to cell but as much as I've tried (obviously not that hard), I didn't get any reply from my cell leader as to where she's having the cell meeting. Or maybe it's not on tonight cos of exams.

I finally got the hard copy of Concierge! Na was laughing cos I told her how I can't really show it to my mom cos I was writing for the Thirst section. I only wrote 1 article for that issue, a bit to my regret but then I was awfully tired that time plus I was holidaying in Queensland.

Shared a large Domino's pizza and some chicken strips with Na. Too full, too tired. Off to bed soon.

Three Shades of Black

Four days left to cram 6 weeks' worth of lecture in my puny brain. I am nervous alright, mainly because this is so not mu cup of tea but aside from all the agony of exam preparation, I only have 3 not my cups of tea left and then I'll pretty much be free.

But come to think of it, freedom can be scary because without the limitations, you're not guided as to which path to take. Having been used to such constrictions, sometimes freedom is way too much to the point that you feel lost.
Having said all that, I'm looking forward to change, scared as I may be. Summer's almost here. That is good.

I worked a measley 4 hour shift yesterday. And on a Sunday, I am rather left with a huge chunk of time in my hands between work and church. Translated to 11am til 5pm, where I decided to not go home but rather sit at the Quay and study.

Opened with Casey. I was happy I did not sleep in but he did. Pay back time, I guess. It was pretty busy for a Sunday at Wynyard. I hung around the store after my shift as Casey suggested and decided to read the papers while he tells me all his stories about his girl in the UK and the forthcoming Thailand trip.

I'd love to go to Thailand now especially after hearing they have a Forensics museum where the Thai cannibal was preserved. I bet Josc would love that sorta thrill, too! There's also a whole lotta thai food so it's all good. Whoever goes there will be happy and content nonetheless.

My study locations are mostly strategically picked. This time, the Quay works for me because the sun has been up as of late and well I wanted to get my dose of vitamin D and I guess enjoy the open space. So I sat on the sun and because of the brollies around the open area, I burned two arms to varying degrees. One is more burnt than the other. Haha!

This week's gonna be rather rainy. I guess I have to study hard to keep my mind off the weather.

Church was good. Met a few new friends and bumped into Jess from cell. She didn't recognize me at first but I went up to her to say hi and ended up chatting a tad until we reach our respective platforms in central station.

Too bad she won't be in our cell now. She did encourage me to attend cell again. I guess there's my answer to that never ending question. I wish everything will be at least as clear cut as that.

Saturday was jazz day with Na, had a bit of a walk around the Rocks markets, ended up at The Orient for lunch. It was actually impressive despite the stinky pub on the ground floor. Going up to the restaurant was like going on a time travel, back to the 18th century. I had a small pumpkin on my plate. It was very halloweeny.

Read the papers and did a bit of studying at Transport House and the Quay then went to see Zhang Yimou's Hero with Rosa and Na at night.

The movie was fantastic. I won't give it my highest rating but still it's excellent. I've read Saturday's and Sunday's newspaper review, which I wasn't happy with as these were clearly Western perspectives, ignorant of what the Chinese culture is about, without even trying to research a bit on it.

I reckon an Eastern flick has to be judged based mainly on Eastern standards because whatever meaning it has is based on its roots and not some far fetched culture from who knows where. Saturday's review was more neutral and unbiased, with the attempt to understand Zhang Yimou's style and substance. Sunday's review was trashy, big-mouthed without any sense of open-mindedness.

I think the movie harped on a lot of Chinese values, not to mention the arts. Martial arts is meant to be pleasing to the eyes, thus the graceful movements. The colors, I'm sure stands for something rather than just a pure display of spectacular colors and the cinematography is very apt. It does not draw attention to itself, rather aids in showing the viewers what they need to understand the story better. It is the audience's window to the actual spectacle of the scenes.

I had a think about Yes Asia because of all this Hero business. As Iw as about to write for them I had to pick up a Chinese Cinema book to study Chinese film before I go around blabbering what I think of Chinese films, considering the audience for Yes Asia are gonna be mainly Chinese. After Hero, I felt like I have a certain knowledge imbedded in me by my upbringing, something unconsciously passed on from my ancestors to me. It made me more confident to go for such assignments because no matter how many influences I have been subject to, I still have that understanding for traditional Chinese values which makes a lot of sense to me.

And yeah Quentin Tarantino learned from Zhang Yimou, not the other way around.

Caffeine Count for Thursday: 5 shots of espresso in 3 cups of coffee

That's less than half the dose of caffeine I used to take in. And today, only one shot in a cup was caffeinated because I couldn't take soy nor much dairy, the stuff that can mellow caffeine down a tad. Decaf in a black is ok. I guess that's what I'll be having for a while. :I

Finally booked my 'rents' accomodation for the upcoming NY. Really close to the sights - bridge and all. I just love it. I had to hang around Kirribilli waiting for mom to ring me back so I had my mocha with my consolidation review. It wasn't that productive but I enjoyed the olden, character-filled ambience of the Freckled Face Cafe. Wish I discovered them sooner.

Headed up to Starbucks North Sydney after the accomplishment of my Milsons Point agenda. I was meant to meet Jenny at noon but she texted to inform me she's gonna be a tad late. Decided to pop by early anyhoo cos I still owe Yuki a visit. She used to work in Transport House. She's a lovely girl.

Jenny and I had lunch in Billy Blue cos her sister's supervising the function. Fab food for like half the price. It was excellent in terms of flavor, not to mention healthy as I had fish and a good plentiful serving of veggies. We had our usual coffee after a meal thang but headed to St. James for that. Had a good chat with the coffee and everything else.

Off to uni thereafter. It was my last and final class for my MCom (Master of Commerce). Woohoo! Can't believe it! I'm almost done! Just gotta sit through three exam papers and that's it! The class lasted an hour and spent another hour chatting with a couple of my classmates.

Jazz afterwards was pretty good and i felt good considering it was humid and we were sweating a bit too much. It was quite a work-out in that sense.

There was something about yesterday and how I picked where I want to sit. in Company Law class I conveniently forgot how this one girl can be really noisy. For one she talks way too much and another thing is, she's got a semi-booming voice that when you sit in front of her, your ears will just hurt. Oh well, I sat in front of her and couldn't move anywhere else because someone sat on the other side already and there's nowhere else I can move where I can still see the slides. But she didn't talk all that much so it wasn't that bad.

I took the bus from uni to Central and sat beside this dude near the rear door. I like that spot cos you get some air when the door opens and it's not all that stuffy. But that dude smelled like snot! The bus was pretty full so I couldn't transfer seats. I kept wishing we'd reach Central sooner and for a while there I thought I smelled like snot, too. EEEEWWWW.

And then today, on my way to the city from uni, a strange lady was behind me murmuring and yawning out loud the whole time. Ack!

Interesting people in Sydney. I'm too stressed, I just have to find ways to be amused.

From one end of the spectrum to the other

This is just about the right time to panic. My world is caving in. I have all these important things to do that has to be done simultaneously. FYI, Ivannah, this is where the checklist comes in.

My weekend was okay. Slept in Saturday when I had to work so I was a good 45 minutes late. I spent the previous night debugging my system and burning CDs. Good thing I took time burning those little comedy things for Casey because I was going to be late for work. He had to wait for me for let's say more than half an hour when the previous time we worked together on a Saturday I was an hour late. He realized that there was a pattern.

I was rather whacked on Sunday. First day of daylight saving time and so I felt jetlagged for no apparent reason. Strange strange strange... Working with Tim was good nonetheless. Waited for the train together as we finished work. He's a good kid.

This is where my work-related full time/part time debate comes in. After weighing the consequences, I'd rather stay part time. Come to think of it, I do not really like the company anymore. So much for having mission statements. They're just there for display. I guess that holds true for most companies.

Looking back this time last year, I revisited the utter shitty-ness of waht management has given me, with all due respect to the mission statement and to me as a person. Perhaps transferring stores was good for me because it subjected me to a lot of trials unknown to the previous store. However, I've really been with the company too long.

I need the kind of change everybody is afraid of. I need to move on, to take steps. And yeah I am taking steps to as far as I can reach. I've had it with being bossed around by people who are only better than me when it comes to work rights. Such is life, though. I guess I've had it with all that.

On the brighter side of things, I met Christine in class today when she was meant to go to Monday night's class. It was such a blessing to talk to her because we share pretty much the same concerns and we were both able to untangle the ropes of stress and just empathize with each other. Not in the utterly emotional sense, of course. It was more like a wake up call for me. I felt so taken care of by someone way above.

Concierge's finally released the first edition! FINALLY! And so I am an official writer with an Australian magazine to show! I left my Manila magazines at home. I can't even remeber where they are.

Got to chat with Amy from Melbourne after a long time. It's public holiday down there and it took me HOURS to figure out why... Melbourne Cup! So many ladies wearing fancy hats around, so many drunks (according to Na).

I did a bit of grocery shopping, cooked, ate a lot, washed up, read a bit, hogged the internet access and now possibly off to study and eventually sleep.