the black dot on the white page.

relocated and settled

2009-04-08T14:36:00.004+10:00

extremely glad another move's long over.
still have some tidying up to do, though!

sold my imac to the brother. sentimental sniff.
still thinking whether i 'need' a macbook.
might just stick to good old pen and paper for now.

working on a couple of webbies for flood and pebbles.
finally.

lovin' my iPod!

2009-01-08T16:24:00.002+11:00

Ed gave me an orange iPod for chrissy last Nov
to block out unwanted blahs around me for approx 8 hours of my day
every. single. day.

thanks, hubby!

i've been downloading podcasts - an education in itself

now i'm hungry.
mama (noodles in thai) time!

leaning towards paranoia

2008-12-09T10:04:00.002+11:00

"i think i'm paranoid"
[not the Garbage song]-> mind you!

paranoia's not that bad after all...

what i am trying to say is, it seems like it would be better if one is prepared for certain scenarios/situations that may (or may not) arise. it is, as what td jakes advised, being a few steps ahead, preparing a few steps ahead, being aware.. so you are not caught off-guard.

gone are the days when you can live life relaxed (to the extent of leaving your house door open without worry). or maybe even just leave your bag beside you rather than clutching it throughout the train ride, the meal, etc.

see, i had my wallet stolen yesterday. my bag was beside me and unbeknown to me, somebody decided to sit beside my bag and rummage through it. dang. i'm usually paranoid but yesterday i decided to chill. and also decided to withdraw $80 bucks so my usually empty wallet won't be so empty for the next few days.

smart move.

i'm still lucky it wasn't a hold-up (which would have freaked me out, naturally), that my new ipod (present from Ed) and my phone (with numbers that I haven't backed up) didn't follow the whereabouts of my wallet, and that I have idle atm and credit cards in the house so I don't have to wait 3 or so days for replacement cards. anyhoo, it's all good.

taught me:
to simplify - less clutter
to detach myself from the temporary things of this world

"Do not lay up treasures on earth where moths and rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal."

I can hear God say "for I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." I think that put me to sleep last night.

God was hugging me to sleep.

Audience of One - Big Daddy Weave

2008-08-28T00:33:00.000+10:00

Audience Of One

I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

Chorus:
To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord

So what could I bring
To honor your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that you’ve given me
So Lord let me live for you
My song with humility

And Lord as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to your name

CHORUS

And we lift these songs
To you and you alone
As we sing to you
In our praises make your home

CHORUS

fresh start ahead

2008-05-31T11:50:00.002+10:00

left my job two weeks ago.
currently doing my own thing - editing videos and such. still going through the old "To Do" pile.
uncertain of what's next but in due time, i'm pretty sure something will come up.
i'm not JUST waiting around.

i write, i produce / edit videos.
if you / know someone who need the above services, let me know. ;)

i'm enjoying the space, the fresh air, the smell of freedom.

God is good.

december update

2007-12-05T22:32:00.000+11:00

crazy busy with multimedia production/editing and tv!

'nuff said.

very cool film site

2007-11-07T20:13:00.000+11:00

www.becomingroyston.com

Film: Michael Clayton

2007-11-03T17:55:00.000+11:00

I realized that I haven't been watching intellectual movies for a darn long time. It's sure good to watch something more substantial once again (for a change).

I felt really stupid for about 3/4 of the movie but then I suppose it is more the intention of the movie to unfold things ever so slowly as opposed to my intellectual capability to grasp the seemingly un-graspable.

Everything was however clear come the last 5 minutes of the film and my friend and I walked away saying 'this is really really good.'

I particularly loved the cinematography. Specific-focused, suave focus-pulls, the blurs of the street lights, warm-cool tones...

This is writer/director Tony Gilroy's directorial debut and I felt like giving him a standing ovation even before I knew he was a first 0time director.

mesmerized, in every sense of the word

2007-11-03T10:56:00.000+11:00

ahhh, the weekend again! i can just sit here all day sound tripping.

======== Events Past and Up & Coming ========

weather forecast: rainy - and from the looks of it, it's gonna be like such ALL weekend

The Past: Miss Saigon, Balmain
Had dinner at the infamous Miss Saigon, owned by Doms dad. Doms was working that night and we decided to say hi and give them some business. We love food as it is so it ain't a problem. We were pretty sure we'll be happy with whatever brand of Viet nosh they serve and we weren't disappointed.

We were a happy group of nine. Post dinner, we walked up and down Darling Street (the main road) in search for a coffee place. To our disappointment, all of them were closed. We happened to ask a couple of Italian middle aged men and they told us to go home cos there's nothing open. Ended up having gelato. And then eventually got kicked out cos they were closing. Alas, Balmain is such a day time suburb.

I used to work there and I believe all the charm it holds belongs to the community of people. I was lucky enough to have interacted with a bunch of those people my first two years in Sydney.

We walked past the Starbucks where I onced worked and they were closed at 7pm! It's just weird.

Up & Coming...

Saturday:
Lunch somewhere with a colleague / friend. I normally draw a line between work friends and friends friends but this is one exception.
Might catch a flick later or just hang around. It is still rainy...

Dinner (or should I say pig-out) with a friend from UTS, Heading to Cafe 22, an all-time favorite. This is perhaps going to be my big big meal before I launch into the 2-week low iodine diet where I can hardly eat anything. Think detox, Ivannah!

Sunday:
Yum Cha with a couple of high school friends. It's so cool how there's three of us here now. One's making her way from the Blue Mountains.

Sunday arvo will be dedicated to ironing and cooking lunch for the next day.

Such is life.

And the cycle just goes 'round and 'round.

the thing about life is...

2007-10-26T19:42:00.000+10:00

I am just loving the fact that it is friday night. nothing on the agenda for tonight. as usual i scurried home as soon as the clock ticked 5. no detours, whatsoever. just straight home.

just in dire need of that breather.

been having really bad headaches the past few days. a concerned amy asked me what the ache was like and i could only compare the feeling to how i imagine it would be if some dumb muscle man tried to physically squeeze your brains out. ugh. i am just glad it's over.

no more excuse for procrastinating, i suppose. so i'm sitting here trying to recuperate (from staying up late producing a video last night) and get some stuff done (just like i do every week - well, i try).

while i still owe my blog a 'holiday' post (okay, sneak preview below...), let me say something somewhat in reference to my twenty- seventh.

perhaps the best birthday gifts i can ever receive (that makes my heart thump with glee) include (in no particular order) a birthday card (okay, that one's pretty important), anything related to photography & film (read: moving pictures), art and notebooks. okay, the list goes on. i like a lot of things - note the difference between like and need, thus i buy only what i need (inclusive of what i want to need and/or what i think i need because i absolutely want).

i reckon i look like a notebook person. for years, people have been giving me diaries and notebooks for whatever occasion. i have all these under-utilized notebooks lying around but i still love them.

check out these unused ones i recently got... (left to right - kikki.K kraft notebook [from rosie], MoMA hologram notebook [from leanne])

people just make cool notebooks. speaking of which, check out the stuff (notebooks, included!) my friend, Bernee makes by clicking on the etsy shop link on this page. they're eco-friendly, funky and user-friendly. in other words, coooolnessss... if you're viewing this via multiply, check out my blog site... www.ivannah.blogspot.com. don't forget to clicky, clicky!

i'm just really happy it's the weekend. nuff said.

random ramblings

2007-10-20T01:03:00.000+10:00

That's my not-so-new lomography fish eye 2 toy. I got a newer one intentionally purchased by a friend from MoMA - yep, The Museum of Modern Art!!! The lovely new lomo toy is a green lomolito. Thing is, I'm so rusty with films that I've pretty much wasted my first roll of film! Oh, my friend got me an unruled notebook with a hologram MoMA building on the front cover. Coolness.

Two Fridays ago, Joy and I went to the Seventh Avenue Market held at the Aussie Tech Park in Redfern. Pretty cool place, I tell you (both Seventh Ave and Redfern - it's the old Redfern train station so it's a heritage site with locomotive stuff!).

Seventh Ave was a disappointment to begin with because the website (check out www.sevethavenuemarket.com.au, register for free and get access) promised a whole lot of stuff from sass & bide, life with bird, le specs (really cool, drool-worthy but cheap sunnies), stephanie conley (trendy jackets and dresses) and a whole lot more.

We got there and there were just piles and piles of jeans. And I mean MILLIONS of them but only like 10 styles. There were other stuff but not worth mentioning. We kinda browsed through the other stuff but nothing appealed to us. So we thought we'd look closely at the jeans.

I love jeans but they're tricky cos you really have to try them on for the right fit and all. And so we did but the dressing room is a big dressing room, akin to the fitness first change rooms without the toilets, sinks, lockers and cubicles. But oh well. Once I found my sass & bide size, I went and grabbed a couple of pairs. It's 50 bucks a pop. There was the european brand cheap monday but I didn't bother. Those were going for 30 bucks.

Not quite sure what the big deal about sass & bide jeans are just yet. Don't get me wrong, I love the ones I got. i've washed and worn them and yeah they're pretty comfy.

I checked out DJs and saw that they were selling for about 240 a pair. Seriously. I remember checking them out a few months back and I thought they were only about 150 each. Geez. One of the pairs I got was made in china, the other was from the phils. Showed my bro and he went 'it looks like Penshoppe!" Penshoppe would have cost me 10 bucks. Okay, maybe 15! Haha!

Anyhoo, I'm just not sure why people would pay 240 bucks for jeans made in china. Yeah they're sass & bide but they are not way better than say an esprit (they sell for less than a hundred and with the membership card, you get 15% off). *scratch head*

With the advent of the internet and all, I reckon it ain't so difficult trying to be resourceful anymore. So for those people who do not appear resourceful, maybe a more accurate adjective for them is 'lazy'.

I wonder if employers would pre-screen their job applicants by looking them up on google before deciding if they are interview-worthy.

There is currently a gross infestation in Sydney. The moths this year have come in droves. It is disgusting - like a plague of some sort. We can't even open the windows so the apartment smells like food cos we can't air it out properly! And then the moths still come in somehow. We've been vacuuming them up (like we did spiders back in the days).

Apparently they (moths) were migrating to Victoria from somewhere but the wind blew them to Sydney. What an excuse! It's just like when people say the wind blew them to some place to justify their presence, or maybe that includes justification to their existence.

I'm pretty much still in square one. Life's been almost same old, same old. A friend told me I'd be depressed if things were same old, same old. But then maybe I'm just numb, or maybe I'm hopeful that one day I'll reach the end of the tunnel cos there's that flicker of light I see.

trying to get the groove back

2007-10-09T22:11:00.000+10:00

haven't blogged for a while so i just noticed that they've added an "add video" function. woohoo!

i need a great big shove, a good whipping and some back-lashing.

it's almost Quarter 4 of 2007. now i wonder where the first three quarters went.

the hallway of so-called family values

2007-07-15T16:46:00.000+10:00

p.s. i'm still very much alive - but very tired (i.e. longing for that long-overdue much needed holiday scheduled for September).

La Famille Tenenbaum

2007-05-21T22:22:00.000+10:00

--> stunned <--

2007-05-03T15:50:00.000+10:00

can't believe it. my iMac is one month old and this morning, it died!

thank goodness for tech support, at least i got to share part of my frustrations with someone. i had to do an 'erase and install'.

smart ivannah hasn't backed up anything yet, therefore i have lost my works in progress (screenplay, videos, after effects projects), some music, a lot of photos and my newly revised CV.

currently reinstalling mac osx and mourning the loss of my stuff. to top it all off, i haven't backed up my programs which means i have to get them form the source once again and then whip up a video by tomorrow.

sigh. i'm glad my old rickety pc is still around. i almost sent THIS for reformatting last week!

i feel like i just had a heart attack. to think i've called in sick today due to bad tummy condition (i was orchestrating my own fireworks last night). i darenot say more.

in a way it's good i'm home when this happens. guess i better look at it that way.

*BIG SIGH*

there's still hope.

i disintegrate.

2007-04-29T22:45:00.000+10:00

i need at least a month to recover.

don't ask me for details,
i'm not good with disecting abstact concepts.

therefore i cannot quite explain,
unless i try very hard (and i have no energy for such),
my current dilemma.

checking with the doc at lunch time,
hoping they won't make me wait an eternity...

seeing the new shrink after work.
pray work won't be crazy busy like friday.

the weekend:
chatted with B / hillsong tv gfx / bus ride with G / watched Life Aquatic + Lost in Translation bonus features /caught up with Ced re Fri nite projects / lunched and hung-out with Joy, Andrew + bro post church service / napped and prepped for the new week ahead

The Week: in point form

2007-04-28T00:28:00.000+10:00

+ busy lunch periods catching up with an array of lunch buddies - to make up for the nights spent on The Editing.

+ spoke to dad on monday, dad's birthday on tuesday, found out he had a bit of an accident thereafter - pray it's going to be all good. soon. :I

+ bro somewhat worried about eye probs. :(

+ busy day at work, meetings and all - think the volume has picked up once again - and maybe we need those contractors after all.

+ officially taking a finance course next month - something i have to pass (aim:71%). otherwise, it's going to be another expense - an unwanted one at that.

+ whew! i thought my Photoshop died - it's alive again!

+ tired, potentially getting sick - winter's coming! - oh well for sickness, yay for winter. i need new black boots.

+ weekend's here! please be slow, weekend dearest. don't go too soon and let monday come, lest i be miserable!

+ DONE with the video! i love you, final cut pro, though you don't do sound mixes very well. oh well. i still love my mac and the best thing about the whole experience is the learning process. more on this in upcoming blogs.

+ just bought STACKS of blank DVDs and a couple of Wes Anderson's films: The Royal Tenenbaums (one of my faves!) and The Life Aquatic (apparently a flop, but for 10 bucks, it's not too bad - savour the commentaries, fingers-crossed they're worth 10 bucks).

+ oh, me and Na are officially Club Dendy (www.dendy.com.au - THE best cinemas - for their choice of flicks) members! been wanting to join since 5 years ago! so FINALLY! :D

Below: the product of that wee bit of photoshop exercise i just had to do.

Calm after the Storm

2007-04-23T21:19:00.000+10:00

A friend used to tell me how there's one thing a person in their lowest of lows can look forward to -better times. She reasoned that there's just that point where things couldn't get any worse.

That's something I've believed until now.

i'm currently happily editing The Video. But I have to do everything again... not that I've done so much already...I'm just glad the concept's worked.. sort of.

I'm blabbering. I have more to say but currently lost for words. I'll write again when I'm more organized.

Locked-in

2007-04-22T12:33:00.000+10:00

The lifts in the apartment went berserk last night. They fixed it an hour or so ago. Good for them. I thought I'd be stuck here forever.

(There are fire stairs but once you're out, you can't come back in unless someone from inside opens the fire door for you.)

Having pre-shoot jitters. The thing to bear in mind is that I'm not alone and there are people (make that at least one person) who shares a deep concern for the project as much as I do.

I've had parotid glad infection for a few days now. The damning condition has made one of my cheeks swell, made me feel (not to mention look) a bit funny and has sent my mood into swift series of sommersaults.

www.avidlingoren.com - inspiring, at the very least.
Cheers to you all, Filipinos!
Double cheers to you all, Filipino film people!!

Finally, Finally...

2007-04-20T23:53:00.000+10:00

* North Sydney Freeway, taken form the North Sydney Footbridge.

Finally got my DSL2 modem, hence an even faster connection (not that I've ever complained in the past) but at least we've got optimum (or so I think) internet connection.

Still have that one box to unpack but I'll take my time on that - until tax season, I suppose.

We are currently working on a wedding video, plus I've got a few projects lined up. Apart from the wedding video, the others don't really have a deadline which is well and good - but I'm determined to come up with kick-ass material though I don't know how.

The week's been alright. Lunches with good friends - Katrina's back! - a few dinners, a 007 movie from the 70s and a bunch of late nights.

Long road ahead, I tell you. I gotta catch up with house work before I totally shove the thought to the back of my head.

2007-04-16T23:23:00.000+10:00

Back to the Groove...

2007-04-15T22:59:00.000+10:00

Hey hey! I'm back, I'm back.

Posts and photos coming up shortly!

BlogCrazy

2007-02-21T23:04:00.000+11:00

I'm back on track, with opium in hand.

==========================
I was:

+ adopted by Shaun on Valentine's Day.

+ fed by Joy at 10am on CNY whilst others looked on, after I made my way through the Darling Harbour CNY fireworks, after I did graphics for Hillsong.

+ happily enjoying Trofest night at the Domain once again!

+ and still am inspired to make a film. Sigh.

==========================
I long for your return, and whilst I wait, I wish thee well.
==========================

what's summer without a trip to the beach?

2007-02-21T22:56:00.000+11:00

flattie bday

2007-02-21T22:37:00.000+11:00

the long weekend i will always long for.

2007-02-21T22:08:00.000+11:00

Happy Belated Australia Day...

2007-02-20T22:28:00.000+11:00

Blank.

2007-02-06T20:43:00.000+11:00

I've kinda lost the plot this week and we're still on the first half of the darn week.

Need to learn to take the bitter with the sweet.
And perhaps aquire a taste for the bitter.

2007-02-05T22:29:00.000+11:00

"Thomas Listen. Listen. There are times when life calls out for a change. A transition. Like the seasons. Our spring was wonderful, but summer is over now and we missed out on autumn. And now all of a sudden, it's cold, so cold that everything is freezing over. Our love fell asleep, and the snow took it by surprise. But if you fall asleep in the snow, you don't feel death coming. Take care."

Can water colouring save me?

2007-01-31T00:13:00.000+11:00

Sigh. They look like the type of art I used to submit during my early primary years.

Another sigh.

But then again, it has been fun.

By the morrow I should finish the cut-and-paste.

Crossroad Number One

2007-01-29T20:30:00.000+11:00

The portfolio is due on Friday. I've started drawing. It ain't so bad. Pretty much halfway through the drawings and it's only Monday.

I have been on the verge of chickening out once again. I have my fingers crossed. I am holding my breath and praying... I need a miracle.

After Friday I've got someother things to attend to. I should not hold my breath until mid-Feb.

It won't be the end of the world.

Even if it will be, it won't be the end of me.

2007-01-22T22:46:00.000+11:00

2007-01-21T18:34:00.000+11:00

A beach of a day.

2007-01-21T01:01:00.000+11:00

Finally! A really summery summery day!

Forced myself to wake up 8-ish, though with a headache, to make it down to Balmoral beach with my thinking cap, inspirational literature (read: a cool mag - the old vanity fair with kate moss on the cover, in this case) and my trusty lil notebook.

This was Day One of my application-in-progress for a certain to-die-for course. One that might just get me somewhere.

Not sure if I got much done, apart from get uber absorbed in reading I can't remembed what now.

Headed to 'Not Bread Alone' to meet up with friends for brunch, had a bit of a chat and man it was a seriously hot day.

Checked out 5 bookstores around the city, darlo and paddo for more research and fingers-crossed I'm halfway through the thinking process. Or at least close. Doubt I'll get much done tomorrow. Got the scientific research left. Wikipedia, help me please...

Saw Black Hawk Down after dinner. We had to return the DVDs we rented last Sunday. Pretty much skimmed through the film. I have to say it's beautifully crafted. Err.. not a very film-person (wannabe) review there but what can I say? It's been a long day and the film's dragging, especially when you're watching it on DVD (on normal poor household tv monitor).

Work's been a bit on the annoying side lately. I've got an incident to report next week and I'm not looking forward to it. Growl.

Que sera sera. Gotta get to bed before I get uber hungry...

Lost and Found Orchestra

2007-01-16T20:09:00.000+11:00

me was there, thanks to na for waking up freaking early to queue up for the el cheapo ticket!

the show was awesome! great lighting (love the vibrant colours!), kick-ass choreography and music-making!

*big grin* -> big enough to last me the whole year.

a return to love - marianne williamson

2007-01-11T18:51:00.000+11:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

You haven't had Japanese Cuisine until you've been to...

2007-01-11T12:16:00.000+11:00

sulk

2007-01-09T22:04:00.000+11:00

i am seriously falling asleep. have a few things left undone but my pc is dying on me and my connection... well my internet connection sucks cos i am too stingy to go broadband. and guess what? i am uploading a video this very moment. haha.

can't wait for macbook pro and broadband internet. expenses, expenses. can't wait to quit that which i have been longing to quit.

can't wait for happy days.

getting the picture

2007-01-06T13:35:00.000+11:00

I've been telling close friends how reading John Maxwell always makes me want to quit my job. Having said that, I know I would need to make a few clarifications, particularly to those who a.) do not see the whole picture and/or b.) do not know me at all.

Jamiroquai used to be my opium. Now it is John Maxwell. He is that great a motivator to the point that his books remind me of that big dream which I have in the past deemed unattainable, give me that feeling of hype about the whole idea and then purport me to action.

Just perfect for the new year, just perfect for 2007 - after a stagnant 2006.

And so lies my mission statement, which came to me at around 3:00am this morning - to make a difference in people's lives through films which impart values, inspires and motivates people towards action.

There, I've said it. I'm also moving from aspiring to be a cinematographer into being 'the director.' Tough call but hey, I gotta be realistic, right?

After all that, I have still decided to keep my job. Afterall, they're helping me get my new 17" MacBook Pro. *smirk*

day two.

2007-01-02T19:49:00.000+11:00

Back to work and the normal grind.

I remembered my MacbookPro, which I'm getting via salary packaging. Means I have to hang on a wee bit longer. Just a wee bit longer.

But then, I do have to start drafting the master plan. With plans A to D. Sigh. When did my life get so complicated?

The room's a mess. Mum's actually fixed it a tad. But then some things just don't work for me so have to do a lil bit of tweaking.

Two and a half months left in the north shore. Moving to the city end of March.

More expensive rent.

Less disposable income.

Dang.

OMG, it's 2007!

2007-01-01T22:16:00.000+11:00

I've been hibernating for a bit during the holiday season. My whole family's in town to celebrate the holidays Sydney-style - "tatamad-tamad," to quote the junior Mr. Go - very laid-back, in words most of the world will understand.

I'm still on holiday mode despite the fact that I have been going to work and despite the other fact that tomorrow is back to work forever - the official end of the festivities I have so longed for the whole of 2006.

Pray the work days will not drag on endlessly.

Christmas week was spent lazing around the city in our three-star accomodation. To be honest, I am more relaxed doing nothing (or something I'd deem creative) at home.

Took the family around some nice eats about town - Tea Room (Victorian-style fine dining / Mod OZ cuisine), MCA Cafe (cafe adjacent to the Museum of Contemporary Art - my haven / Mod OZ cuisine) and Masuya (one of the best Jap places in town), to name the top few picks.

Boxing Day was indeed the ultimate movie day. Saw Marie Antoinette (with the family) and The Holiday (with Amy and Norman) back to back. Had to down my Subway sandwich of a lunch during the trailers prior to The Holiday. Both were good in their own respects.

Marie Antoinette is totally art house. I darenot say too much. I love the look of the film, and the style.

The Holiday was a good chill-out film despite some imbalance story-wise.

NYE fireworks were observed from the footbridge a minute away at 9pm, and from my bedroom window at 12am. This is perhaps the best place we've ever lived at judging from the great opera house/harbour bridge views. Perhaps even a good venue for a cool NYE party cos the possums and the cats were MIA last night. Guess these creatures are scared of people, after all.

My friends from home gave me a John Maxwell book for christmas which I haven't started reading until today. Good one. Maxwell's stuff always gives me the push I've always needed.

Time to get cracking. Seriously.

The everyday Friday week!

2006-12-23T01:36:00.000+11:00

I've been feeling like it's Friday since Tuesday. Perhaps it's the casual garb that I have so happily embraced and which the others ignored. I wondered why. I was happy I could wear whatever I want although it would have been better if I could rock up at any time I please, and also leave work anytime. As my boss would say, 'dreams are free.'

Fri
..........
Prep for Saturday. Been tired from the previous night's lack of sleep but heck it's the real Friday. I can't believe I've reached the maximum amount of emails sent in an hour that I have to wait for the next hour to continue sending.

They are just christmas greetings that I wanted to send across. And for the lack of things to say and the lack of energy to come up with something, I have resorted to le foto of something rather abstract but not really and slapped a bunch of text on it. Anyhoo, I still cannot believe yahoo has such limits - limit as to how many people you can send an email to and another limit on how many emails you send in an hour. At this day and age, I would have though... ahhh such is life.

Nice to catch up with friends during the course of the day and good to spend some quiet moments at home. I AM getting old, afterall.

Thurs
..........
My Kris Kringle forgot my pressie and left it at home so the following day, she left it on my table. It was the size of a pack of cigarettes - 'deck of cards' a la good food guide! It was perfect. Only thing is, the places are mostly on the 'been there, done that' list. Oh well. I still love it.

Lunch meeting with Dan. Good to catch-up and to know where things are film festival-wise. Sigh. If only I can do such things full time.

Post work, had to go grab a shirt as I felt so icky and was just dying to get out of my icky top. Wrong day to have such a dilemma as it was crazy Thursday shopping! The fitting rooms have long lines and all. I almost spent a whopping 140 bucks on a country road top. Decided against it cos it was white and I have to get something of a dark colour to match my undergarments.

Met up with Nic, did some shopping with her. Located Amy and then went for dinner. Shopped a bit more, met up with Annfen and her friend and went for coffee. Talked forever, caught the last bus for the day to the lower north shore. :)

Weds
..........
Lunched with Leanne. Final one for the year. Went home after work, just straight to bed after dinner. Was uber tired.

Tue
..........
Lunched with Diane. Haven't seen her for what seemed like months and there were a lot of catching up left undone.

Mon
..........
Can't remember much from Monday. It was dreaded as usual. Spent the lunch hour chilling.

Sun
..........
Went for the annointing service at Hillsong. Good as usual. There are more things to reflect on this year. Time for me to grow up. Funny how my growth has been gearing toward knowing the Holy Spirit and they prayed about that particular aspect. It's not funny, really. It's amazing.

what's MY problem? what's YOUR problem?

2006-12-17T00:12:00.000+11:00

*loud groan + loud sigh*

i feel deprived of my security blanket.
hence the need for a certain degree of extreme outburst.

work christmas party at the sofitel on friday. so-so food but good fun. had my fair share of dancing. haven't danced for so long.felt good. i miss jazz so much. the sydney dance company kinda jazz. but wait for me, SDC. i'm coming back end of jan 07.

test drove a toyota yaris with a friend today then had nice lunch at glebe (one of the artsy suburbs in my A-list). headed off to Hillsong to crew on tv then met up with friends for dinner/dessert. miss those gals, especially Nic who's been MIA the whole time i was MIA and maybe even longer. love them who made my 2006 worth looking back to in the years to come.

am seriously tired. i've made an effort to make this day good. now i feel the strain (perhaps partly caused by the dancing last night) and the need to keep my door shut for a while.

hugs. i need to work on my screenplay.

The Radish, The Chill Pill, Lost in Translation and Casual Days

2006-12-13T22:51:00.000+11:00

Mum found some radish in Chinatown. I used to love 'em veges but haven't seen any around for so long...

Lunchie with Na tomo to catch-up and all...

Was good to see Leanne. She told me that when I was at home she saw 5-6 angels by my bedside whilst I sleep.

Casey's going to the US in March! !@!%&@*&! I am soooo jealous!

I love Sophia Coppola. Can't wait for Marie Antoinette come Boxing Day! I got a Lost in Translation DVD from Leanne!

Casual days at work... kicking off tomorrow til 5 Jan. Aaaaahhh. :)

23degree summer.

2006-12-07T10:58:00.000+11:00

I smell soil. Ick. It's probably not soil. It's more like something else and it's making my tummy turn upside down.

Last day of my holiday today. But hey, there's christmas day and boxing (marie antoinette!) day and new year's day and 2007!

*still wondering and pondering.*

Seriously. Tired.

2006-12-06T21:35:00.000+11:00

OMG. I've never felt THIS tired for a while. Been walking and did a bit of cardio at the gym plus walked around the shops some more, coffee with mum, coffee with a friend.

It's all good but yeah I'm so tired and I haven't gone through everything in my to do list. Note that I've got one work-free day left.

I let out that big sigh in front of mum and she went 'if you want to go on a forever holiday, just go home. you can always go back home and do nothing.' Nothingness back home is really nothing. Nothingness here is not quite nothing. The latter is actually a lot of things, but nothing that's going to generate some constant flow of moolah.

ARGH.

I know what I want but I don't quite know how to get there. 'It's not a very good time for you to let go yet', my friend observed. And I have to agree with her cos that's what I've realized during my work-free days.

THINK! THINK!

For the time being, I just gotta grin and bear it.

Yawn! Eeek! Argh! Yuck!

2006-12-05T21:45:00.000+11:00

i see a brown / white cat all stretched out and yawning with all its might.

speaking of cats, there's a persian one that visits us every night. it's got one of those green glow-in-the-dark type eyes that seem to go after you... it's our neighbor's cat. was telling mum that it probably comes into our backyard to poo beside where the possums poo. eeek.

there was a big branch that feel from one of the trees and then got stuck right outside my window. was trying to punch the screen that i cannot open. punch it without breaking it... but the branch won't even budge. ack. i wish the possums won't play around with it tonight and go scratching against my window screen! yuck!

i feel like pouring disinfectant on those possums. they can be cute but only when they're behind glass doors and far away.

RainySunday

2006-12-03T11:05:00.000+11:00

RainySundayFunday

Another cold day, which I'd prefer over a hot day especially when I'm staying home. I'm not being a lil cruella wishing everyone who can roam free feels the gloom. I mean it can still be sunny but with a cool breeze. It just means my room's gonna have that nice coolness about it as opposed to being hot and yucky.

Realized my dictionary is so crap. It never gave me the info I wanted, apart from that concise meaning of a word. My bro seem to deem it of use. It's got a lil fly stuck in one of it's pages, which is really gross but heck I don't use it often enough to really care. Bwahaha.

Bro landed in Filoland about 11pm (Sydney Time) last night. Bet ya he's happy to be home. Can't wait for him to fly back, though. All those stories and realizations... will there be any of the latter? I really wonder...

Been listening to my opium - Jamiroquai's latest album, Dynamite. However, it doesn't seem to emit the same groove + beat as his previous albums. I gotta say it's still got that retro-ish feel about it that I love. So fair dinkum.

Today's Movie: Roberto Benigni's La Vita e Bella.

Another thing to look forward to:

another one of those revivals

2006-12-01T16:24:00.000+11:00

current revived ambition:

to be a hippie (not the try-hard nor the wannabe that I currently am).

current campaign:

pro-minimalist

(like a couple of guys I know who went from being uber materialistic to deciding they'd rather have just enough of what's necessary)

current state:

the blob that left the hospital is slowly turning into a human being.

one sans exercise, that is.

hence:

the progress so far...

2006-11-30T15:45:00.000+11:00

getting the hang of using le mouse

wondering whether i've started living my life

wondering why friendster is so SLOOOOOW

happy with my pro-minimalist photoshop skills

click-happy pretend photographer with not enough things to photograph

sound-trippin' like there's no tomorrow

pure Jars Of Clay for today

maybe it's time to inject some Jamiroquai

les photographies

2006-11-30T15:13:00.001+11:00

ponderings..

2006-11-29T16:08:00.000+11:00

I was told I should be learning to live with whatever ailment that was bestowed on me.

Eh? Isn't that what I've been doing?

I haven't been paranoid about this and whatever stress I feel is not caused by worrying over what ails me.

Moreso it is caused by having to do what I don't want to do and forcing myself to go through that as part of my daily routine.

The word routine in itself brings forth stress.

I've listened to Joseph Prince the whole morning talk about Grace&Favour. DVDs courtesy of Hillsong TV. And other than the grace and favour which is undeserved merit from God, he did talk about faith and also not making God an excuse a la 'way out'.

Totally driving me nuts. I need more guidance. Perhaps a big whack should come with it. Any shrink volunteers?

the supposedly new and updated to-do list

2006-11-28T22:05:00.000+11:00

oh no, i'm getting hungry again!

it's 10 something pm and if anything, i should be going to bed.

though i did sleep the whole darn afternoon

(right after lunch til a good half an hour before dinner).

currently downloading gazillion of fonts as i've never updated the font library in my laptop. i think back and regret that i never brought my font library from home 5 years ago.

the then font-savvy PC is now in some dumpster (read: storage at home).

on with the long overdue list...

read a book - check!

Tale of Genji by Lady Murasaki

horrible translation to English, too bad i cannot read Japanese. perhaps the culprit as to why i slept so much today

+++

finished the book and well, planning to send it off to someone who'll appreciate it more.

it's still good. just that i don't see myself rereading it.

call doc's office tolock in August 07 appoitment - oops!

that's right, you gotta book in waaay in advance!

+++

tried booking the appointment yday and guess what? i was told to call in January!

get rid of PC rubbish

+++

pretty much done, except for the rubbish that's in the external hard drive!

install fonts - wonder how this will be done considering there are gazillions and they're all zipped up!

+++

yay! done!

improve photoshop skills

thank goodness for tutorials online!

catch up on DVDs

heaps of Hillsong stuff (freebies)

old VCDs (yes, VCDs I bought in HK during the VCD heyday!)

misc DVDs from friends

'manage' my finances

more like check my bank account to see if i can survive for the rest of the year.

learn after effects

get on with the article editing

10.

eat. NOW! - done

weekend recap

2006-11-28T01:02:00.000+11:00

i currently feel like a kid with no agenda whatsoever. the kid on summer holidays who can sleep any time she pleases and wake up when her eyes decide they've been shut for too long.

got back from the hospital around midday post radiotherapy. whilst i had one of the longest, most boring weekend ever, it ain't as bad as last year's treatment. felt less isolated due to the fact that the hospital staff would actually come in to bring me food and such. no stool by the door and you actually feel cared for. i got choices of food and best of all i didn't have to shell out a single cent.

i am, however, presently confined in my room and will not be able to work until the very end of next week. unpaid leave. fortunately, i cannot go out so there's hardly any temptation to make any purchase, big or small. except i've been looking at the lomographic fisheye two camera online...

met up with fiona for lunch last thursday. was good to see her after coming back from that little asian getaway tour she went on. passed me some meltykiss from mummy ratna! after work, it was coffee with bella from the JPM HK office.

used to work with her but never really got to know her until i was about to leave. nice gal. she's probably a bit younger than me (i feel so old due to stress and radiotherapies). kinda felt bad that i didn't get to take her around but oh well. kinda hoping they'd send her back so we can eat out and go to the weekend markets. she was in tokyo prior to sydney and she gave me all these japanese goodies! they're all gone now cos I've munched on them whilst i give my pc some much-needed attention! they're so yummy!

i'm missing out on a lot in the real world. i'm not worried, though. just stating the facts. more concerned over what i should be doing whilst i hide away from the world.

photo blogs...

2006-11-27T19:56:00.000+11:00

The Wish List (in no particular order)

2006-11-27T12:36:00.000+11:00

Mum's the word? I'd agree to that for now.

2006-11-19T10:46:00.000+11:00

As I went past the tree-lined path near where the bamboos are, I felt something heavy-ish land on my head.

I put my hand on top of my just-washed hair, praying it's not something a little bird might have dropped post birdy breakfast.

I breathed a sigh of relief realizing it must have been one of those red flowers that have been detaching itself from the trees.

Lovely flowers they are, scattered along the paths and making you feel like a princess walking on rose petals.

Sorting through all emotions. Glad mum's back. At least we got the cooking and the house stuff taken care of for the most part. And the brother-nagging's going to be significantly reduced.

Almost time for another year-end inventory of sorts. The stress will never go away. Yes, I'm acknowledging the fact that I am stressed. Not sure whether I've been for the last 5 years but right now, I definitely am.

Major cause of stress, still unknown but part and parcel of which might be the following: 'shrink'-less existence, unfulfillment in selected areas, frustration over lack of time for 'worthwhile' activities and some uncontrollable factors - the latter I deem not worth batting an eyelash for, and ignorance on extreme emotion management.

With business-lik demeanor, all of the above should be addressed within 2007.

Off for two days and maybe a bit more... sans the world wide web, sans the computer, sans make-up, avec much needed rest, submission and just some sort of chill out where hopefully I won't have to feel strongly about ANYTHING.

CHILL-OUT...

Woo do you think you are?

2006-11-14T07:11:00.000+11:00

Supposedly cruisy but a tad emotional weekend. Skipped the Friday night haps, decided to come back home to catch up on a little bit of film fest work and some shut-eye, enough to sustain me for the following day.

French class was fun. Had a little party during the break where people really outdid themselves - drip coffee maker, french presses, croissants, brioches, baguettes, fruit platter and punnets of strawberries, jams, cheese platter with red wine (in the morning!).

Lunch was rather frustrating due to my diet. Plan A was fruit salad, which we can hardly find, believe it or not. So I went for an undressed garden salad, asked for honey and lemon and then towards the last bite, I noticed that they've put some shredded cheese in the salad, which I cannot really eat.

Hung out at Starbucks to get my buddy to teach me some francais which he's way better at than moi, then hurried home to get changed and went to Manly. Minie's Farewell. Hope it won't be the last we'll see of her!

Met up with the gang at the wharf, headed to the beach for some photos, had dinner in what seemed like broad daylight (it's summer, it's daylight saving time). I had the most expensive, plainest steak ever.

Off to Candy's Cafe afterwards and played Monopoly - The Las Vegas Edition over tea and cakes (which I cannot eat so I only had 2 pots of green tea). A weird after-dinner activity but hey, we're getting old and not running of creative ideas! I love the Las Vegas dice! If I can buy a dozen of those, I will! Very retro.

Here forth are les photos!

Slept at 12am, woke up 5-ish the next morning. I didn't really sleep from caffeine OD but managed to rock up at the airport 7-ish to see Minie head from her airline queue towards the food court queue.

Was silly (and jumpy) the whole morning from lack of sleep and with the caffeine still kicking in. The problem is, I cannot really tell when the caffeine will kick in in general so I cannot rely on such probability to say coffee keeps me awake and all that. I just love coffee so what the heck.

Expecting to see Minie in December for her graduation. Fingers-crossed. She was emotional and I was not perhaps due to my silly state of well-being.

Grabbed Starbucks at the airport. Had decaf. Went to Gloria Jeans in Town Hall to say hi to Rosie and kill time prior to church.

Home time after church. Went to the gym, walked a bit and got some DVDs and groceries.

Went to see Revolutions last night at the Opera House. The last bit was the best. Contemporary ballet. Really cool costumes and set.

Off to Excel training today. Little holiday from work! Yay! Then three work days left.

Watched a few of the DVDs I borrowed Sunday night. French ones. I love film. And oh, I wish I am related to John Woo.

Happy Friday, everyone!

2006-11-10T20:04:00.000+11:00

I used to be the Powerpoint Queen. Back in the days when we thrived on those little floppy disks with the little data capacity to match, they were pretty useless as one can never contain an entire presentation. If only we had CDs or USB drives back then.

Another all-nighter last night. 1:00am is not too bad, especially when I started working on it at 9pm. Take note, my loyal companion (read: PC) is kinda old and sluggish.

Thank goodness Jono layed out the presentation and all, I just had to pick some music, lay-out the soundtrack and tweak the timings a bit to match the beat (or lack thereof).It was good fun. Ended up in a massive audio file of 6 something MB for a total duration of 50 seconds. Maybe even less.

clock out time: 7:00pm. seriously!

Joy called me this morning for a chat and she was asking if I am sick. Cos I sounded DRUNK. I was groggy and that was it.

I had to run off for a high-sugar cup of coffee. No milk or soy, just your three shots of espresso topped up with hot water. Err... let's not forget the Hazelnut syrup.

Lunch was a mere 'eat-while-you-work' affair. I managed to sneak out for 20 minutes for a bit of sunshine, which was great. It's one of those days when it's a bit chilly but then the sun is quite intense. It is as if you get a choice between hot and chilly. :)

Work was pretty hectic today. My plan to go to the gym is officially canned, muchless my plan to get more forty winks but still get to French class in time tomorrow morning. I've got some work to do and I have to eat dinner. Thank goodness I didn't have to cook!

I am seriously tired. Yesterday was horrible, but today's better. Much much better. 4 days of work next week, 1 day of training (Tuesday!), ballet at the Opera House (at 25-year old rate) Monday night.. ahhh it's gonna be a short week! :D

That Sunday, Mum comes and then I've got 2 days-off work. :D

dislike for dissonance

2006-11-08T21:12:00.000+11:00

clock out time: 5:30pm

i was home 6-ish, had some lindt 85% chocolat noir and pondered whether i should go to the gym. maybe later, i thought, and proceeded to devour the saltless leftovers which consisted of the pasta from two nights ago and the minced beef with asparagus, which i cooked last night and which i had rice with for lunch.

washed down my dinner with some goji juice, washed up, and decided to 'relax' for whatever the word means. decided to ditch the gym. ok, postpone gym time to friday night. no night out for moi. besides, i need to learn a bit of french and 'relax' some more.

soaked my feet, downloaded the presentation Dan sent the team (volunteer work) and pushed away the thought of having done zilch for Friday's End of Year Party promo except download a retro tv graphic.

i cannot get myself to do any more work for the day. i am tired and drained as it is. inspired? not at all. i cannot even look forward to my upcoming days off as i might have to go on unpaid leave. not that i mind not being paid for going in but i feel slack. but then again, who cares. seriously. i have to convince myself that this is merely a way to get by. five years later, it's going to be a footnote to a footnote.

whether or not i will get to go on holidays come feb 07, may 07 and sept 07 is way out of the question for the time being. these are rather highlights to my year. and my bro came home today asking why i look sad. because i am, because i am. i cannot even hide it anymore.

priorities, priorities.maybe it's time for some shut-eye.

Swing,Mood,Swing

2006-11-07T22:39:00.000+11:00

i should be sleeping.
i am tired.
my eyes are tired.

am i not almost blind?

blind from staring at computer screens.
blind from trying to reconcile all those numbers.
blind from the tubes of mascara that i try to consume.

i retire into the night to a more peaceful state.
post-whinging to friends from the old days.
post saltless but sugary dinner.
post six, no, seven bags of green tea.

thank goodness for expressive, encouraging producers.
thank goodness for empowering sermons.
thank goodness for true friends, true loves, dreams and blogs.

darned two weeks or so...

2006-11-07T20:05:00.000+11:00

pardon me while i get ultra emotional, uber irrational and hot-tempered.

it's all bottled up. i'll vent out time and time again via different channels.

dang this diet. dang all the things i have to do.

i wish i can zone out until the whole darned thing's over. better yet, until 2006 is over.

weird-weathered town

2006-11-04T16:23:00.000+11:00

I have finally finished drafting two appraisal forms for work. My supervisor goes on holiday next week. Fingers-crossed it won't be busy.

The big fan of days-off that I am, I've bailed out of two weekend activities and have decided to catch up on more forty winks. My head is heavy or light from sleeping a tad over the threshold. I cannot even decide.

I have just realised, from reading a Sophia Coppola article, that I have seen all of her movies (Virgin Suicides and Lost in Translation). Looking forward to her version of Marie Antoinette, which has a contemporary take. Dang, it's not showing til 26 December. I'd go for a 9am movie if that should be the case!

* Still set on winning that Oscar*

wish me luck

2006-11-03T19:58:00.000+11:00

At 9:15am, I was just walking into work. I should have been there at 8:30am. But today, I woke up at 8:00am due to having gone to bed at 3-ish. The previous night it was a 2am bedtime.

Been editing a video clip. Time of my life. Started playing around with After Effects and then Premiere.

Been thinking about 2006, pretty much racking my brain for those significant turn of events. Come to think of it, I've met so many new people, those types that tend to stick by. Little windows have opened into media, too and perhaps a more realistic look at 'travelling'.

01nov06 pig-out:

remerciez la qualité des langues

2006-10-29T21:03:00.000+11:00

Beaucoup de choses peut être perdu dans la traduction. Est-ce que je donne un rien ? Je ne pense pas ainsi.

Actuellement dans un état de dépression, je commence à considérer sur ce qui a été, ce qui est maintenant et ce qui pourrait avoir été. Je suis tenté pour me laisser au travail ainsi détestez et admettez au monde entier que j'ai entrepris une démarche ennuyant fausse. Cependant, je ne pense pas il est sage comme je crois toujours que j'ai été apporté à ce travail pour un but qui est toujours complètement inconnu à moi.

Le travail est une raison et la santé, une autre. Je serai privé de beaucoup de variétés de nourriture pour les deux semaines suivantes. J'ai dû faire une promenade pour figurer hors de la façon dont je peux me mettre à ces deux semaines quand je serai dans un état d'hypothyroïdisme. Autant que je déteste pour l'admettre, j'ai jeté une larme ou deux.
Il y avait la réalisation que j'ai été frustré pendant tout à fait un moment. Quant à ce que la prochaine étape est censée pour être, démuni de I la plus légère idée. Aidez-ainsi moi Dieu.

Retour en arrière il y a cinq ans, j'étais dans un travail que je déteste vraiment. Mon ami utilisé pour me dire que les moments désespérés sont bons parce que quand l'inondation plus de, un arc-en-ciel apparaît. J'espère que 2007 apporteront cet arc-en-ciel à l'existence.

"Artist my A$$" and "Wish You Were Here"

2006-10-29T12:32:00.000+11:00

Having a bit of a day-off from the whole wide world.

French class yesterday (got the audio cd that supposedly comes with the book), went French book hunting (to no avail that my friend decided to source it online, open to options from all over the world), off to Hillsong TV (insightful messages and a FULL SERVICE DVD to bring home!) and then to Nic's farewell (short but sweet as I was very late, and Nic's trip is postponed to 10 days after original date! Yay!).

Daylight Savings kicked-off today. And thus marked the end of the US/UK ones.Woke up lazily, had brekky (essential part of the day as of late), did 2 loads of laundry plus drying, catch-up with flatmate and have a million things left on my list.

Two work performance-related stacks of papers to fill-out by Tuesday, gym, grocery shopping, ironing, video editing and article editing (latter two needs major kick-starting). Great need of channeling out frustrations currently being addressed. I long for my shrink, who'd give me a spanking for not doing anything to channel out my creative frustrations.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH.

It's almost year-end and I'd still say 2006 can just be written-off.

Personality Type

2006-10-24T21:24:00.000+10:00

***You Are An INFP***

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/

the stress that comes with it all

2006-10-22T17:35:00.000+10:00

Damned S-word.

Meant to be Sunday funday but it's more like Sunday stress-like-crazy day.

First of all, tomorrow is a Monday, the bitch of all days. And having the bulk of Monday through to Friday being about work does not make it even a tad better. There are chores to finish up and it also dawned on me that I have not done a single itty bitty thing done for the work that has been so carefully entrusted to my care. Do I abandon the work and break the trust or do I hang in there and diligently finish the work that has been entrusted to me? Ahhhh. New York, New York.

Then bang-in-my-face come two up-and-coming projects. One due this Friday. Yes, THIS FRIDAY! And we have done zilch! Errr, I'm waiting for someone to initiate because I was told to. Exhale. So why did I take on these things? Because I love them media things and all. Bow.

If only I do not have to work that 9 to 5, really 8:30 to 6:30, job.

In dire need of more gym time, and more time to learn francais.

In dire need of eye drops!

2006-10-17T21:44:00.000+10:00

And perhaps some shut-eye!

It's been a long day. Jam-packed. And I tried to squeeze everything in. I'd rather get things done and over with.

Seriously, everytime I think about passionately hating this darned thing, random acts of kindness sprout from nowhere and pacifies my erruption. And the good thing about having ten million things to do would be each of the ten million things having peaks and valleys, the patterns of which would be beyond my comprehension, so I'd have at least one thing to rave about despite having 9,999,999 things to rant about.

I had my third monthly review (marking my third month in the firm) today. It was more of a get-to-know-the-boss type thang or maybe a get-to-know-your-employee session from their side. I've exposed a great deal about who I am, and embarrassingly, my journalism background came up. That's something that has stuck in my boss' head from reading my CV. Thing is, I can't even spell anymore. HA!

Currently too tired to do my research. I feel abandoned somehow. But right now I couldn't care less. I just want to sleep.

the trip down memory lane

2006-10-14T01:11:00.000+10:00

That's what I call lunch breaks spent walking around The Rocks - one of the things I miss most about working at my previous office.

Managed to take a bus down the good ol' path, survey the Museum of Contemporary Art Shop and spend some time browsing through the uber coolness of the book selection at ariel.

The MCA Shop
- Funky cameras with an array of colour filters and multiple lenses. From 70 bucks.
- Arty 2007 diaries, mostly New York-inspired (read: MoMA, Andy Warhol [from the Andy Warhol Museum in NY, I suspect], New York Times). From 18 bucks for the pocket diary.
- Unique accesories including animal-hide round purses with key ring, 35 bucks, and beaded necklaces wrapped in antique silk kimono fabrics, 98 bucks.
- Funky greeting cards.

ariel booksellers
- moleskin notebooks, planners and diaries of various sizes and specs. From 25 bucks.
- Zadie Smith books, the new Nick Hornby bestseller, "My First Film" (Hollywood's famous directors talk about their first films), and an interesting one called "Notes from the Underground Teenagers"
- funky greeting cards.

The greeting cards inspired me to buy a printer. I still want a mac. Any sponsors?

Halfway through October. Can't wait for bludgy days with trainings and induction programs, my two days off (at least!) in November, Christmas with the family (again in Sydney) and 2007! YAY!

HIT by Madness

2006-10-14T00:49:00.000+10:00

October is one of the best months to come to Sydney just because it is Good Food Month and if there is one thing I like best about Sydney, it's gotta be the food! Oh yeaaahhh!

Because most of my friends and I are poor... ok, on a budget, we've been skipping the 'hatted' (the excellent restaurants are rated via hats and there's only a handful of them!) restaurants' hundred-dollar over dinners and going for something dubbed "Sugar Hit", hosted by some of Sydney's best hotels, for 15 bucks a pop.

They are these oh-so-sweet treats that will practically abuse your tastebuds to numbness. They come with either dessert wine (orange muscat is syrupy sweet, the sweet sparking red wine is pretty cool) or scotch. Twist your waiter's arm for coffee, tea or juice. Tap water in Sydney is totally potable (unlike in some exotic places where you gotta use bottled water just to brush your teeth) and they come free with every meal. You just gotta ask your server.

I am glad it's Friday - the week is over and it is time for that breather. I turned down a day-out. Should I kick myself? It's so unlike me but I figure I need that time for myself. I'm not sure what for.

Selfish me. Who isn't, anyway?

adolescent angst and more...

2006-10-12T21:32:00.000+10:00

I need some good ol' spankin'.

Because I feel like going on to the footbridge and screaming at the top of my lungs.

I want to bang my head hard against the brick wall, too. Errr... maybe not...

And perhaps go out the backyard and upset the possums some more so they'd scream or make whatever sound they make that would piss me off big time and I'd attempt to grab their tails and fling them to the neighbor's backyards.
Or wherever they land.

Agh. Such is life.

www.bobdob.com

burning the midnight oil and such

2006-10-07T10:22:00.000+10:00

ariel is indeed my fave bookshop. i slipped away from my work dinner at Lowenbrau down at The Rocks to head home (and get cracking on some film fest work reseach, mind you!), walked past ariel's open doors and was enticed to walk in. I pulled back thinking of the odds I wouldn't make a purchase. The buyer in that darn cool place deserves some recognition.

Friday is burn-the-midnight-oil night. I get to that point where I cannot even decide whether it was still a Friday or new day Saturday. ACK. Guess it's some kind of 'put-things-in-perspective' time, apart from just beating a Friday deadline for my so-called work. Ok, it's a volunteer work that I've often caught myself taking way too seriously.

Whether I'm investing in something worthwhile is beyond me. But I do have my hopes up for this project. More details when we get closer to the so-called 'release date'.

And so I kept my inbox open until 1-ish and now I've got a bunch of new mail, mostly junk from auto-generated sites presumably based in the US. Not to mention a bunch of emails from people I personally know also based in the US. Not forgetting the fact that I did get another Job Site email with about 50 jobs, when last night I just went through a list of 60-70 odd jobs. Ok, more like media-related or "media-related" jobs.

So tell me, what's up with the millions of jobs that suddenly flood my inbox? Not that much of those tickle my fancy. It's just so... sudden. And it makes me wonder where the jobs I want are hiding.

It's all about timing, alright. It's all about timing.

That final hour.

2006-10-06T23:16:00.000+10:00

Longest hour imaginable. Except of course when you're having a good old time (e.g. that lunch break in between a busy morning and a crazy-busy afternoon).

Dang. I keep hitting the 'Check Mail' button again! All the freaking time!

Been a busy week alright. Stressful. I'm tired. Way tired. In agony over something beyond the tip of the iceberg.

I love the weekends. I wish I can look forward to weekdays, too.

The eight-hour stretch.

2006-10-02T12:33:00.000+10:00

I hate doing my tax return. I'm getting peanuts back this year. I guess that's better than having to pay the government back some moolah. As if I have a lot to begin with. Give it a week to settle. My accountants are trying to do their work.

Have an arvo 'tea' partee to go to. In half an hour. I haven't showered, had lunch and all.

Labour Day Public Holiday. It does feel like a second Saturday in a weekend. I'd rather get lost roaming the streets than anything.

Glad I'm having a break off work. Busy week ahead, though.

The place I call home.

2006-09-30T00:29:00.000+10:00

Reminds me of that Peter Allen song used by Qantas - 'I Call Australia Home.' Kick-ass song that never failed to give me goosebumps. Think it's the essence of it all backed by the kid's choir plus the scenery (in the Qantas TV ad).

I have to admit I do miss home. Guess it sinks in after almost five years of being based 'elsewhere.' But then maybe sometimes 'home' becomes a characteristic that can be found in more places than one.

Yahoo! Mail has a beta that copies a lot of Outlook/Lotus Notes functions and all. It's excellent. Now I'm in business!

Still trying to juggle things around. Glad I managed to put in 8 plus hours towards the volunteer work. Sweet. Hope it goes on smoothly. A nervous breakdown is certainly unacceptable at this stage.

A couple of girls' last day at work today. Such is life. I'm getting the hang of things as it was. Can't believe I dreamt of my old workplace. I had to keep reminding myself en route to work this morning that change is good. It is. The difficult part (at least for yours truly) is settling in. And not looking back. Me thinks I take longer than the average joe to declare one place a comfort zone.

Had dinner at good ol' Newtown with some friends. Viet dinner followed by coffee and cake. Good dose of catching up and all in between and all around. I love Newtown.

Long weekend kicks off. I wish I booked a holiday. But then gotta allocate the resources for the big one in a few months' time. Should lock in the annual leave next week.

McCann, let me know what's happening, will ya!?!

I'm bracing myself for what the future holds. Can't wait for the rest of the story to unfold.

after all's been said and done...

2006-09-27T19:23:00.000+10:00

so what's next? that's my ultimate question.

been a crazy week. it's time to rest NOW. i am trying to make up my mind as to whether i should go to the gym or not. there's a long weekend coming up. not that i couldn't care less but i just don't feel it's coming up in two days.

i've hardly spoken to the brother i share a room with.

i'm tired. i need new flat shoes, new stuff... i swear they're stuff that i need to replace my current ones that are dying.

went to watch Friends wiht Money last night with Annfen. i was telling her how indie films tend to show real people and real lives. i love 'em. :)

ok, i'm going to the gym.

Tough Times

2006-09-24T09:44:00.000+10:00

The situations that have toughened me up big time have included those where I cringe the whole way through, perhaps taking a break from the 'cringe face' when in my silent chamber (The Loo) where I imagine all of life's rosyness.

Whether I am once again in such a situation, I cannot 100% tell. However, life has, by far, provided little pockets of comfort here and there.

It is amazing how despite the fact that people in Sydney do come and go, there has always been a support group around to comprise my A-list.

Saw The Devil Wears Prada yesterday in the exquisite Cremorne Cinemas. Quite grand, attracts a good handful of middle-aged people and beyond.

The movie itself was entertaining, at least for me who adores magazines, fashion (sans attutude) and Manhattan.

Headed off to a friend's house for a dinner/birthday celebration/get-together thang. Really yummy home-made cooked with the sort of standard you'd pay 20, even 30 bucks for.

I'd say the company was tops, too, which made it all the more worth the evening.

so much for dreaming, so much for living (but hey, such is life).

2006-09-21T22:00:00.000+10:00

Took half a day off work. For valid reasons, of course.

I was due for that annual body scan in two months. I just can't believe it's been almost a year since I had the surgery. My scar still looks fresh and I still get a tingling sensation every now and then. I wouldn't say it's a horrible feeling. It reminds me more of everything that took place around that time.

Fingers crossed I won't have to go through another radioactive iodine session. I just don't like the hassle. But perhaps some days off would be good. Pros and cons, you see. My life will have to take another pause just in case.

Just in case.

scratch where there's an itch.

2006-09-16T23:03:00.000+10:00

another crossroad. really, it is a bit vague but after some cranal work-out, i've just come to that conclusion, which is to be followed by other conclusions, all of which will be subject to an overall conclusion.

i failed to comment on what went on at the beginning of the month. the dreaded birthday went by with not much dread, but with annoyance over the fact that for the second time in the season and for the second month in a row, i was down with the flu - and i was down for a few days complete with pale everything and a 2-day sickie.

mind you, i just started my job a month ago and i've already clocked in two sickies. good-o!

speaking of the job, i daresay i did not make a mistake making the transition as it proved to me several things including but not limited to the following:
a. i am not a finance person
b. i do not like monotonous tasks comprising my jobs, which i have to do every single day. i do not like monotonous tasks. period.
c. i am not much of a 9 to 5, all day in the office person.
d. i am not scared of losing my job. my job is not everything to me. it does not define me.

those things being said, i still do my best. one day, though, i'd like to be putting a bit of heart into what i will be doing, for obvious reasons.

the good thing is, i've got more motivation to save now and perhaps i have grown tired of shopping for nice things and all the cool stuff, more because i do not see the point anymore...err... or for the time being.

if only volunteer works come with more perks than a bunch of intangibles.

... or if only those intangibles can make the world go round, round and round. come to think of it, maybe they do.

The Day I Parted With My Kick-Ass 200-dollar Black Boots

2006-09-02T11:50:00.000+10:00

Nine West, I hate you. Why make ever-so-fragile high heeled black boots that cost a bomb and fool suckers like yours truly into investing in such crap?

It took two winters, a hundred plus dollars per winter, not to mention the aching feet and the callouses. Was it all worth it? I don't think so.

I loved you, my Nine West Black Boots, and parting was indeed sorrowful, sans sweetness. I could have kept you until the end of spring but I couldn't take your squeaking anymore. Next up, I think you will be causing me a fatal fall.

I hope you enjoy living in the bin until Tuesday night. Come Wednesday, you'll have a new home in the dumps.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've got the fever! I did last night. Had to chuck a sickie two weeks into my new job. Classic.

The weakling that I am. I do not think I am made for such full-time jobs. A test of patience for the time being, perhaps? Here forth is a life lesson I keep failing to learn.

Deep breath. February, can't you come any sooner?

I love you, Adobe Premiere 7.0. Fujitsu, please hang in there. I cannot yet afford an iMac so you can't retire just yet.

on bombing another comfort zone

2006-08-22T22:55:00.000+10:00

I like change. At least I tend to look forward to change. With anxiety, of course, which I get some kind of thrill out of. Call me insane. A lot of people already have.

Closing yet another chapter to one's life was unexpectedly filled with such sorrow one cannot even begin to describe. There was the hope for a better chapter, at the same time the longing for the familiar.

People are reshuffling. It was just high time I make a move myself. I left with good memories of ye olde workplace. I miss them a lot.

I never thought I would but I sincerely do.

Who is Sue Ling?

2006-08-07T12:52:00.000+10:00

One of the Sunday arvos I went to church, there was a bent old Asian guy who approached me as I stood behind one of the pews, grabbed my arm and went "Are you Sue Ling?"

"No," I gently replied in between songs.

After my turn at the communion table, I walked past the line of church-goers waiting for their turn. Same old man grabbed my hand and went "Are you Sue Ling?"

Not quite deja vu. More like he was probably really old to have remembered that he asked the same person the same question twice. There was probably a good one hour gap between the scenarios.

He was a quaint tiny old man, with a seemingly permanent smile plastered on his face. I saw a bit of gold glistening as he spoke and paused with a grin.

counting down to SPRING!!!

2006-08-05T13:44:00.000+10:00

flowers are blooming... purple, fuschia and pink.

I remember an ex-President of the nation joke whereby Mr. Then-Action-Star-Now-Prez was asked what his fave colour is.
"Fuschia," he said.
"Can you spell it?"
"I changed my mind," decided the Prez, "it's red!"

I've got a few countdowns in my head. I wonder whether the knowledge that my JPM days are numbered (8 working days as of press time) make me view the JPM world in rose-coloured glasses. Maybe part of the reasoning behind would include wanting to depart only with good memories. Thus the adage "the good old days."

Saw this kewl simple-o black shirt from Beach Culture while I sneaked out from work.. It's got funky NYC lights on it (nothing overly flash to remind u of Las Vegas). The label? Zoo York!

Ack! Less than a month before I turn 1-year + a-quarter-of-a-century old! Planning smomething small. About 12 pax. Think..think..think.

Quick run-down of my fun (despite being sick!) week nights...

Tue - My Super Ex-Girlfriend [movie!] with Amy
silly funny movie. good one for unwinding after a hard day's work (yeah, right!)

Wed- dinner @ Zia Pina [italian nosh down The Rocks]
Origami [contempo ballet] @ The Sydney Opera House
(I can just hear the orchestra play!) with Leanne
interesting mix of body movements, sound + silence, animation and lights. disliked the paper-folding bits but absolutely loved the ballet! contemporary (includes traditional sounds with a twist!) and classic tunes made danceable. animated mt. fuji erruption, godzilla munching on melbourne and the sydney harbour bridge!

Thu - dinner - Pancakes @ The Rocks with Joy + Amy
The Umbilical Bros [comedy show!] @ The Sydney Theatre Co
with Joy, Amy + Casey
now this IS laugh-out-loud funny! love the video camera + projector bits! creativity to the max!

Fun! Fun! Fun!

A blog from a different blog... (definitely not plagiarised!)

"Me and My New Yorker"
I am so sick. Can't believe it. It's been a week. No defenses. I've been a fragile little life form roaming around the flu-infested, not to mention soon-to-be-hayfever-infested, world.Dang.Searched the world for a copy of The New Yorker! And for a while I've been thinking that perhaps I was lucky that one instant and the newsagent at Wynyard just happened to stock that particular issue.Went by my friendly neighborhood newsagent and decided to ask if they have it and they do! It's just been hiding among the Time, Fortune, Forbes , BRW magazines all this time!!!The mag is too smart for me. Oh I bought Marie Claire Aussie and Vogue UK, too. Bliss...Nuts....

~ vintage green tea ~

2006-07-29T12:19:00.000+10:00

whether there is such a thing or not, i shouldn't care. i'm having some of those roasted ones passed on to me by a good korean friend more than a year ago. tea leaves shouldn't have an expiry, right? the fact that i've been keeping the jar in my office should be a good sign as the place is better ventilated than here. mold is the enemy in this house. until summertime, perhaps.

still recovering from the attacks of the current flu-infested ambience in Sydney. need to be on-guard a hayfever's gonna be taking the spotlight in no time.

managed to grab meself a copy of the week's New Yorker. Thought they come by once in a blue moon but I'm glad my assumptions are wrong. My local newsagent even stocks them. Hooray! Threw in Marie Claire Aussie and Vogue UK in my purchase pile, too. Hoarding magazines again.

Moved offices yday. Cna't believe I'm moving offices again in approximately 18 days. Bigger move then. But at least I won't have to pack. We'll be on the 26th floor come monday, with the usual harbour view replaced by the mid-section of the old KPMG building, among others.

As I always say, change is good.

Looking forward to visits from friends based overseas, the circus, dances and plays.

eye spyin', i spyin'

2006-07-23T17:56:00.000+10:00

the FENDI spy bag/
went by the Fendi corner at DJs today to check out the goodies. nah, I don't like 'em anymore.

Angus&Robertson/
bought my english book plus a watercolour one. getting a palette later on. my paints are almost 5 years old and i haven't even opened a tube!

vego lunch/
green gourmet ain't so bad. i still can't be vegetarian, though. meat's just too yummy to give up on and i need all that variety.

chatty/
bought a belt due to my work one being MIA for a while. thought it ended up in mom's suitcase but doesn't look like it. oh well.

saw superman returns, mainly nice due to the sydney scenes. how biased!

met up with Joy and Andrew for dinner at chatswood bbq king, one of Rosie's faves.

argh. i wish it's only Friday today!

surge of emotions

2006-07-19T21:01:00.000+10:00

finally dropped the bomb at work.
can't help feeling emotional.
somehow i'm fond of short chapters.

glad casey got a new job, too. i'm as happy for him as i am for meself.

one last assignment for the journ class. it's more a revision than an actual write-from-scratch piece. relatively positive feedback for my kinda crappy cupcake draft. i hope it ain't just about being encouraging.

plan of action should be put in place.

i'm tired.

Another one of those turning points

2006-07-17T20:14:00.000+10:00

I have constantly stuffed things up for myself. This is something I will only allow myself to say of me. Should someone else utter those words...

I tripped going down the stairs yesterday and ended up with a really sore littlest toe. As to whatever is it's current fate, I do not have the slightest idea. Fingers (and toes) crossed, the pain will go away pronto. *ouch*

Had Joy's bday bash at a restaurant called Fu Manchu in Darlinghurst. I 'decided' to take the Kings Cross bus and again was faced with the confusing instersection with about 6-10 streets to pick from around where the big Coke sign is.

The restaurant was pretty cool. Funky chinese with communal dining tables. Food was good, the servings just right (in a sense that you don't get so sick of anything so you kinda want more.. but for next time).

Headed to Passion Flower for dessert (whatever that means).

Might be starting a new chapter in about a month. Will blog (or blab) about it more when details are confirmed. Wesley Mission's International Congregation decided to film the Sunday services and I'm in! Woohoo! Exciting, exciting!

What's next?

His Master's Voice

2006-07-12T21:31:00.000+10:00

after two years of waiting, i FINALLY got to be a part of the Hillsong conference tv crew. my initial attempt seemed successful until the rosters came out. i did get some sorta thank you certificate afterwards, though.

did a lot of kidsongs, which was fun and interesting. and really, more often than not, there are pearls of wisdom hidden within such simple words and messages.

i'm glad i volunteered. i almost did not volunteer. the atmosphere's incredible.

i made a couple of boo boos at work that exploded last week, while i was away. thank goodness for the timing. it's all good now. i was a wreck on monday but everything's been restored.

blessings in disguise still came my way via priceless life lessons.

Merriam-Webster: my new best friend

2006-07-01T15:00:00.000+10:00

one last assignment to go! i don't have a particularly good feeling going with this one as it requires some sort of an interview. i've got prospects, heaps of ideas but darn... not enough time.

my prospect of being a contributor for a broadsheet fell through the crack. lucky my course lecturer's being ultra encouraging just when i started wondering whether i have what it takes to be a writer.

long way to go but it does look promising. maybe i am cut out to be one of those 'writers-on-the-side' after all.

the job that puts food on the table gets more and more 'ugh' each day. i admit it's a psychological factor more than just the job itself. i interpret things a different way from how my peers would. that's me, alright. mum would know.

4 days off next week! yaay! i can pretend to be carefree and just immerse myself in the conference.

On Dusenberry and life

2006-06-27T00:14:00.000+10:00

Phil Dusenberry, former Chairman of BBDO (that's the ad agency, silly)

been reading his book and found it somewhat motivating in the sense that ther seemed to be little hammers embedded within the paragraphs. these little hammers seem to pop out every once in a while to give me a good whack on the head. much needed.

whenever i put on that thinking cap...

2006-06-25T17:34:00.000+10:00

funny how my uncle on the other side of the globe thinks i'm up to 'something' cos he always sees me online after midnight. whoever comes up with these theories must be up to something themselves...

but hey, fyi, i've been up to something which is no secret. everyone knows i'm doing that journalism course based in NY, thus the weird hours.

'if i die tonight, *hugs* till we meet again.'

i am deafer than deaf

2006-06-24T11:06:00.000+10:00

half of the world seem to be pushing me to move, the other half decided i am better off sticking around. i assume until about november.

knowing myself, i will not be able to wait that long.

might have a stab at being a [regular?] contributor at a less known broadsheet in filo land. however, a lot of things depend on solemn time at hand.

with three people living in this room, i'm not quite sure about the odds of that happening. time to come up with a new schedule.

perhaps writing at work aint so bad.

the missing mantra

2006-06-17T01:50:00.000+10:00

tough life.
it's never easy to get where you want to go. at least i know that goes for most of you, normal folks out there.

today's one of those days when i was faced with such reality that questioned my purpose, among other things. the ultimate question now has become 'how do i get to where i want to go?' as opposed to the previous 'where am i headed?'

my past haunts me. everyone around me and who knows me will be able to tell that i love being where i am (geographically but to a certain extent) and if i do turn back, it will not be a 'final decision.'

i scorn the culture that nurtured me. i am trying to break through and even people from my mother land won't give me a chance, muchless some due respect. perhaps for the time being i should be taking my goods elsewhere.

one hundred and ninetieth blog

2006-06-14T00:53:00.000+10:00

post talk of the town piece draft//
me thinks my brain need some spanking. or maybe just a hell of an exercise!
i just gotta edit and make this piece work!
dang!

*** edit ***

think i'm losing touch with the arts and media.
i'm on a wave of euphoria. i got better comments for my third assignment.
more pressure on the 4th one. sigh. where's my angle!!!!! waaaah! come back to me!

Queen's Bday long weekend

2006-06-11T20:50:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday, Queen!

it's not really her bday. last week, western australia had queen's bday public holiday. our turn now. coinciding with filo independence day this time.

YAAAWWWWNNN!!!

i feel like a cat. i'm so so tired, probably the crap weather.

i have to sit and do my article. i just lost it. i had everything drafted in my head during that newtown to city bus ride. i went to newtown to be enlightened. it wasn't too bad.

sydney film festival// hong kong express// the myth
that movie's nuts. gotta watch another one so as to have that good SFF 06 impression.

can't get US out of my head. can't get NYC out of my head. i'm getting more and more people to join my bandwagon. i'm not even campaigning. sigh! i feel like going already!

Gone Bananas.

2006-06-07T22:07:00.000+10:00

Third blog for the day. I need to sort my thoughts out, cure myself of my scatter-brainedness. Did I just make up a word there?

I need to go back to structure, to methodical thinking. Where did they all go?

Painstalkingly, I need to work my ass off. I feel confused, I feel slightly frustrated. I feel like jumping around, screaming and throwing things around.

When I was in school I feared failing my subjects more because it is a big disappointment within myself and also because I could never imagine what my parents would do. I haven't had that fear for a while. But I think somehow it's back and it's bigger than ever.

If I fail, I am doomed.

I'm sure everyone passes in this course. The failure comes where I fail to deliver my goods. That being said, I just have to say I'm stressed beyond words but rather optimistic because I will be a journalistic geek from now on.

And everything does revolve around New York nowadays. I just have to add that.

FREAKout.

2006-06-07T13:11:00.000+10:00

my assignment is just baaad. the one i just submitted today. sigh. i better get ready for some grilling and killing next week. this is what i get for not working on my assignment early enough.

cuz in texas getting married 3 march! yay! hello US of A!

i'm trying to kick start my freelancing career... to no avail.

on a journalistic trek

2006-06-07T11:39:00.000+10:00

Kat used to say girls ought to have 12 days sickie in a year. Think all the girls will agree. I needed to take one of those today. I'm dying in anguishing pain. I refuse to take the pill.

Crammed for Assignment Numero Tres last night... err... this morning. Think it's absolutely crap. If I had 3 more pages to fill I would have made my own Lonely Planet "The Rocks". It was a travel story.

Currently revising my exhibition review. The only thing is. I needed to go beyond the surface. Literary skills came handy for this one. I have to admit that for the most part, this is a bit of an ego-crushing course. I daresay it's healthy.

Eyes A-bLiNkIn'

2006-06-06T00:30:00.000+10:00

after showering at half past midnight, my eyelids still feel heavy.
i need to study. i mix up my passwords for my blog and my online classroom.
glad i don't have that many passwords to mix around.

blah! where's brian? i call my brain brian for rather obvious reasons. ;)
i forgot why i decided to blog.

went to see graeme murphy's director's cut (contempo dance).
coolness.